This has turned into a weird point of tension with a couple friends. Basically, sometimes I’m on my phone scrolling, watching videos, or just relaxing, but I don’t always feel like having full conversations. I’ll see messages come in and wait until later when I actually have the energy to reply properly.
A friend recently called me out saying it’s rude because they can see I’m active online but not responding. They said it feels like I’m ignoring them on purpose. From my side, I don’t think being online automatically means I’m available to chat, sometimes I just want downtime without conversation.
Now they think I’m being inconsiderate, and I’m wondering if I should just respond quicker to avoid drama even if I’m not really up for talking.
AITA?
NTA in any way.
But also just turn your activity indicator to never display your online status.
This. I never have mine turned on for anything.
NTA. As You always get back to them. Turn off the active online so no ones knows ur online
NTA. You don’t have to be available 24/7 to people. It’s not healthy. But also, maybe set your status to offline permanently so they can’t tell?
NTA, I purposely wait to respond to everyone (except my Wife) even if they can see my status or that I’ve read their message just so people don’t expect “instant responses” every time they text/message me.
If the issue is that important, call me.
NTA but adjust your settings to where people can’t see your online status. Is that not possible? Regardless, people should respect that you will answer when you’re able. If there’s an urgent matter, they should say as much. Not everything has to be now-now-now.
nta. read receipts ruined everything about communication. why do people care so much if i saw something and didn’t respond immediately? if it’s important, call me. if it’s a text, i’ll get to it when i can in the next 3-5 business days. i just care it got delivered and didn’t get lost in the void of rcs or bad internet service.
This reminds me of the friends and family who always and for years apologize because I messaged them and they couldn’t reply right away. Whether we were in the middle of a conversation or not, I never feel like they owe me an immediate reply (I might panic inside when something’s urgent because that’s human). This mentality is so not the way, and I hate that so many people make others feel guilty for how they manage their own time and phone behavior.
100% NTA
YTA-because you didn’t turn your account to private. Nobody likes to feel ignored or that they are not important to you.
NTA “if something is urgent, like life or death please call me. But if I’m busy doing something online when you message me I’ll get back to you when I’m available.” is a reasonable thing to say.
Also it’s stuff like this why I have every messaging app set to show me as offline no matter what, and why my cell phone has been set to mute for years. If people get used to you responding immediately, they will expect you to respond immediately.
NTA – people having immediate access to you is a relatively new thing and no one is entitled to your immediate attention
NTA in this digital age people feel too entitled too others time and presence.
NTA I sometimes do that too
NTA
This crap drives me nuts. “I can see they’re online but they’re not responding to me!”
You’re not entitled to someone’s time and attention just because they have an internet connection.