Throw away account.
This weekend my parents (married, in their 60s) are hosting some family at their second home. My toddler (just turned 2) was up through the night with a cough. I texted the group chat for this weekend away at 8am, saying toddler was sick. My sibling and I had a side conversation about how this would impact their baby, who is 3 months old. I offered to keep my entire family home, or even just keep the sick toddler and one parent home, so their family could still go. My sibling decided that my other child (5yo) had been looking forward to this weekend (there will be other children there as well, my kids’ second cousins), and it would be better for my sibling and their family to just stay home. My parents had been with the sick toddler yesterday.
My sibling is worried about keeping their baby healthy, a boundary I totally respect. I really appreciate them thinking of my older child as well. My sibling said “a toddler cold is not scary to most people, so the kids who can enjoy the weekend should go. My baby is a potato.” (Their words). I offered profusely to be the ones to stay home, or keep my sick child home, but my sibling is worried my older child (and presumably, my whole immediate family) has already been exposed to germs. This conversation was over text, throughout the morning because we both have jobs, and/or were managing kids. We made the final decision at 11.45am.
My sibling called my mom shortly after that, who was very short with them, and ended the call very abruptly and immediately started texting me at 12.17pm about how we should have told them sooner, we weren’t being transparent, and now the whole weekend is cancelled. I called immediately and after a lot of tech issues, I finally got my parents on the phone. They basically said we should have included them in the conversation, where we ran through all the scenarios from the beginning, because they were hosting the weekend.
Edited to add: my partner says it’s important to add that my parents were already enroute to their second home when my sibling called them.
(They have since “un-cancelled” the weekend when I told them my immediate family was still planning on coming, with whoever was healthy).
AITA for having a side conversation with my sibling about our children and then communicating the decisions we made with our parents after?
NTA. Consulting with the people who will be directly affected if worse comes to worse is the best course of action.
Making decisions about your own kids’ health first is normal, NTA.
NTA, your toddler being sick wasn’t really something you could account for any sooner than it happening, and ultimately you and your sister are the ones who need to decide on what’s best for your children
They don’t get a vote where the health of your kids are concerned.
NTA.
They’re claiming we’re wrong, not about deciding who is coming, but because they weren’t included in the conversation *about* who is coming.
What purpose would be served by their participation in that discussion?
You and your sister made the decisions, then informed them who was coming.
That’s all they need.
Yes that’s what we did.
I have no idea what purpose it would serve.
Sounds like your parents are struggling with not having control over your decisions anymore. It is actually one of the most common issues on this sub.
I mean I might be over interpreting, but it’s so ridiculously common on here. Parents get bored & lonely during retirement and possessive over time with kids and grandkids, or feel scared /uncertain when they notice they’re not as needed anymore, and start throwing irrational tantrums…
I got no advice. If they’re prone to this kind of behaviour, you’re in for a shit show. Good luck
Sorry. I’m confused over who is going? Who is staying home and whole shebang.
It’s landed on whoever in my family is healthy, will be going, sibling’s family won’t be going at all. I offered to keep sick people home so my sibling could go, but my sibling decided they’re not comfortable being with anyone who has been exposed to my sick toddler being with the baby, which includes our parents, who were with sick toddler yesterday.
Oh. Okay.
And of course you were confused, this whole thing feels bananas
NTA.
Someone in this story is throwing a tantrum, and it’s not the children.
NTA. Weird over reaction from your parents. I understand them feeling disappointed since they were looking forward to a whole weekend with the new grandbaby, but wow! And honestly, maybe your sister simply isn’t yet up to a huge travel extended family weekend gathering with her 3 month old. NTA you and your sister handled this well.