EDIT: I am adding this to the beginning because there have been a lot of comments about this. A lot of people are getting hung up on the geography, so I need to clarify: I never expected them to fly from Mexico to Brazil.
The issue is that we had actual plans for them to visit us here in October. We had talked about dates, discussed which cities to visit, and they said they would come. Then, they went radio silent on those plans and suddenly booked a trip to Mexico with another couple on a whim.
It’s not about them being "close" and not stopping by; it’s about the fact that they traded a planned, promised trip to see us for a completely different vacation.
Now with the story.
I (29M) am in a weird head space and need to know if I’m being a petty jerk or if I’m finally seeing a friendship for what it really is. My best friend "John" (30M) and I have been friends since we were five. We grew up together, he was the best man at my wedding, and I always considered him more like a brother than a friend.
Last year, my wife and I moved from our home country in the Balkans to Brazil for a job. It’s a two-year contract, so it was a massive life change for us. When we were leaving, John and his fiancé promised they would come visit us while we were out here in October of last year. We were really excited about it and have been looking forward to hosting them we even created the travel plans and all the places we would take them made plans and communicated this to them. But they never really got back to us if they would come or not, and then the time just passed.
John travels a fair amount, but he usually stays within Europe. However, he recently booked his first-ever big transatlantic flight to Mexico with another couple friend of his. When he told us about the trip, we were obviously surprised and asked him, "Are you really going to fly all that way and not come see us?"
He didn’t really have a reason, he just kind of said, "Oh, you guys are going to be there for a long time, we’ll come visit some other time."
It honestly stung. I know Mexico and Brazil aren’t exactly neighbors, but he already did the hardest part of the trip by crossing the ocean. It’s annoying that he can fly across the world for a vacation with other people, but can’t make it work for his best friend.
Now, their wedding is this August. It is an incredibly inconvenient time for us to travel back home. It’s a huge financial hit, a ton of travel time, and we’d have to take a lot of time off work. We were originally going to make it work because of our history, but after the way he dismissed the idea of visiting us, I just don’t feel like the priority is mutual anymore.
WIBTA if I told him we aren’t coming?
YWBTA. Come on, man. I was expecting to be on your side, until you mentioned you live in Brazil, and he was visiting Mexico. It’s literally not even the same continent. And he’s travelling with other friends, who presumably aren’t your friends.
What are you expecting him to do here? Add an extra week to his existing vacation, book an extra international flight, deal with all the visa/border/currency issues of being in a different country, because you think that’s the right moment?
I know you probably miss your friends, but don’t be a jerk about this. You’ll regret it.
YTA. Mexico and Brazil . What is that? 4000 miles apart? It’s like saying “you flew all the way to New York and didn’t bother visiting me on California?”
YTA – Mexico and Brazil aren’t just not neighbors. They are a 10+ hour flight apart. You are being ridiculous.