AITA for answering my friends question honestly?. I 22 (F) went on sleepover to my friend’s apartment. We’re batchmates too and really good friends since day one.
Everything going pretty well, we ordered pizza, did skincare wearing face masks and all. Things were going fun. Then at midnight when we’re watching kdrama "Nevertheless". We got hungry and decided to make ramen. While cooking we were discussing the drama like how the guy was red flag and toxic and girl is stupid.
In that conversation she asked "Do I think that her relationship is toxic? " I stopped I thought for a moment and reply. "I feel kinda".
She got angry with me and said I don’t know anything about relationships as I never dated and I am always very judgy about other people relationship to make myself feel better. And everyone’s relationship is different no ones like a fairy tale. How dare call her boyfriend toxic.
I try to make understand that’s not meant but things got tensed and I left.
For little context. She’s been dating for last 4 years and I never dated like I been on few dates but I never consider it and I try for dating after coming to college because my parents are super strict.
Why I said I felt they’re relationship is toxic. Once I was in her room we’re planning to go out that’s when he face time her she was all ready and her boyfriend didn’t knew I was in room to. When he saw she’s all ready first thing he said "are you going to seduce boys out there, why don’t you wear more shorter clothes" She immediately put on earbuds I was little shocked she requested that can I wait outside.
Also she isn’t "allow" to have guy friend, she’s not "allow" to go out without he’s permission, She’s not allowed to wear something revealing and good if he’s not with her. Also she break of friendship with her best friend of 9 years because she told her to break up because guy he’s toxic.
I don’t like to comment on others relationships, I never do I been friends with her past to years, I noticed everything but I never said anything as she’s a grown up if she break up of friendship because her boyfriend ask her to she knows what she’s doing.
But when she asked me I thought it’s better to say what I feel. Did I do wrong telling how I actually feels about her relationship? Should I lied to keep peace? Am I AITA?
One thing I learned in therapy is to not ask questions I won’t like the answer to. NTA. She’ll hopefully figure out eventually that he’s toxic.
NTA
NTA, the not letting her have guy friends and the comment about her outfit can be a sign of a toxic relationship. Plus she asked, if you can only handle one answer to a question you don’t ask the question.
NTA. It seems like she knows the relationship is toxic and kinda knew you would say yes. That’s why she reacted like that. People in healthy relationships don’t randomly ask if their relationship is toxic lol.
NTA. Maybe she isn’t ready to hear the truth yet, but you’re being the best kind of friend to tell her anyway. Maybe your truthful answer will be a seed she will return to when she’s ready to leave that loser. Good job, OP!
NTA. She asked. It’s not like you overstepped or just stated your opinion on her relationship for no reason. She was just expecting you to say no to make her feel better. She’s not ready for the truth. she was hurt and embarrassed that somebody else could see how toxic the relationship is, and deep down she knows it is herself. Hurt people tend to get defensive. Let her be and give her space she’ll be fine
NTA – clearly an unhealthy dynamic and she directly asked you
NTA. She asked your opinion and you answered. It doesn’t sound like you were rude or anything. She just didn’t like your answer. For what it’s worth, it does sound like she is in a toxic relationship. Not being allowed guy friends or needing permission to go anywhere are huge red flags. He sounds like a controlling jerk.
NTA, you were being honest and she should not have asked the question if she didn’t want the answer. It seems like she knows that she is in a Toxic Relationship or else why would she even ask that question. You have valid reasons for thinking that her relationship is toxic. Hopefully she will figure it out for herself Or call you to at least let you explain.
NTA. Usually you want to be honest with friends. You noticed toxic behavior and you answered her question. I bet she knows it too. That’s why she asked. She is upset probably because she feels embarrassed for being in a toxic relationship.
I’m going to go against the grain on this one, YTA.
You say this is a good friend of yours you’ve known for a couple of years, but you’ve seen her boyfriend be controlling, stopping her going out and isolating her from close friends and you never asked if she was OK or checked in about that? I don’t think it is treating her like an adult to turn a blind eye to a controlling relationship.
Also.. the fact that she asked you about whether you think *her* relationship is toxic just after you’ve been calling the relationship on this show toxic makes me wonder if you were dropping hints, as something prompted that question. When you said it was, I imagine she drew the obvious parallel that if the girl in the relationship in the show is stupid, then you think she’s stupid as well. I think you could have handled this with a lot more tact, and it would have been a lot kinder to bring up the things you’ve noticed about her relationship in a caring and supportive way rather than just after you’ve said that a girl in a similar situation is stupid.