ive lived here for a while now and ive noticed that my upstairs neighbor has a bit of a habit of vacuum cleaning around/after 11pm. its quite loud and disturbs me at times especially tonight while i was already asleep. ive kept quiet for a while but decided i could say something to let him know about the noise, so i did. i told him it was quite loud and asked him if he would mind cleaning some other time next time. pretty decent message i thought. he told me he had just finished and (imo) countered me by saying he thinks we have an insulation problem because he hears our noises too. a little later into the short convo it became clear that he meant sex noises from the bedroom. i felt embarrassed and mad and was kind of mad at myself for complaining to him and even more worried he’s going to somehow mention something to my partner, which i hope he doesnt cause she’ll be even more embarrassed about it. i let him know i didnt mean to be rude or disturb him with my message and just wanted to let him know about the noise. he told me it wasnt a big deal and that the noise i make doesnt bother him much. now i feel like a bit of an asshole and i wish i hadnt mentioned anything to him…
Having sex at 11pm is acceptable behavior. Vacuuming at 11pm is not. NTA.
No one wants to hear someone else having sex.
The reason vacuuming is generally considered not acceptable for 11 PM is becasue vacuums are loud. If OP is having loud sex then thats also not acceptable. Its the sound levels that make something not acceptable at night.
Istg im not that loud, its an old noisy building (he basically said it himself) so i think its more the sound levels that are generally higher. But if he knows why go build furniture and vacuum at 11pm
He probably doesn’t hear “noises” as much as he hears the headboard banging. Pull the bed away from the wall, and you’re fixed. Him running his vacuum after quiet hours was not needed.
NTA
Might be a squeaky bed. My downstairs neighbours have one.
If his claims are true it’s probably the squeaky bed because dont have a headboard or the bed against a wall
NTA. You and any tenant in an apartment building has a right to complain about noise that is either too loud at any time or certainly when it occurs when a lot of people are usually in bed trying to sleep. Your neighbor needs to understand he doesn’t live in a detached home and should not act like he does. His come back could have been a guess on his part and he wanted to embarrass you. Even if it was real he admitted it didn’t bother him that much so why even mention it if that was the case?
He’s just trying to embarrass you for complaining about his actions.
It’s totally reasonable to hear people having sex at night. It isn’t reasonable to hear people vaccuming.
And I’m assuming if you feel that bad about it, you two can find ways to be quieter. A vacuum is always going to be loud.
NTA
No one wants to hear someone moaning away.
“And I’m assuming if you feel that bad about it, you two can find ways to be quieter. A vacuum is always going to be loud.”
Is he vacuuming so he doesn’t hear you having sex? Mixed blessing there!
He admitted to being busy building furniture and needing to clean up by vacuuming. But why do that around 11pm though? I was asleep and dont regularly have sex at 11 pm