Hi, I’m 19F and in college. My family recently moved into a two-bedroom apartment. It’s my mother, me, and my 21M brother.
At first, it was only going to be me and my mother living here because my brother was staying with our dad. But after we moved, he came back to live with us.
Since there are only two bedrooms, my mother bought a couch that turns into a bed, so my brother has been sleeping in the living room. He’s been complaining about it a lot, and now my mother is tired of hearing it. She has decided that he should get my bedroom, and I’ll be the one sleeping in the living room instead.
I refused. The issue is that I use my room a lot to study and focus. My brother usually stays up until 4am playing video games. I feel like if he gets the room, it’ll mostly be so he can stay up late gaming, while I’ll lose my space and have my routine disrupted.
I understand that sleeping in the living room isn’t ideal, but I don’t think it’s fair that I should give up my room when I was already there and using it for school.
Edit, I should also mention that living with my dad wasn’t a good situation for my brother, which is why he moved in with us. However, my mother is worried he might go back to living with him.
INFO: Why did your brother moved in with you and your mom? Who is paying rent?
NTA. Your brother is the “extra” in this scenario that was already planned out before he joined; he has to make it work or he should go back to his previous living arrangement with your dad.
Why is your mom giving in to your brother’s whining? That’s extremely unfair of her to do. I’m glad you’re sticking up for yourself and you should hold fast.
I don’t understand why you should be asked to move. Because he’s older? Absolutely NTA.
You need the room for studying, he obviously doesn’t. Who is paying rent snd who is on the lease? Your brother is old enough to get his own place, assuming he works. If he doesn’t, well that’s a whole different set of problems.
NTA.
NTA, your mom only cares about shutting your brother up. The 4d chest move would be complaining even louder then him. By not being quiet you dont come off as an easy target for your mom to force this on you. Become what you must, so you can keep your tranquility. God speed OP!
NTA. Complain louder than him. If the only reason she is trying to get you to give up your room is because she is tired of hearing his complaints, then you need to start right now. Make your lists of all the reasons not to switch, repeat it to her constantly.
Make it super awkward, ask her straight up, why his video games are more important than your schooling? Ask why he gets preference after moving in second? Ask if he is the favorite? I am assuming he had a room at your dads? He knew yall only had two rooms and still chose to come. At 21 he can work and pay for the upgrade to a 3 bedroom apartment. Just be careful you do not push your mom to far here that she tells you to go to your dads.
I let myself get pushed around for everyone else’s comfort in family for years and I regret it so much.
**THIS.** Your mom is taking his side because he’s being loud, and you’re not. Get loud, get assertive, definitely go on the offensive. Right now, you’re defending your right to something you already have, but what if you switched the game and instead pointed out all the reasons why your brother shouldn’t get the only bedroom?
If I were you, I’d make the comment that age 21, your brother should be working full-time and making money on his own, instead of playing video games until 4 am and just making your mom’s life harder by whining that he deserves ‘privacy’. You’re in school, your grades depend on your studying and getting good grades, and that means you need a quiet place to study and focus and not be constantly interrupted by people coming in and out of communal living spaces. Plus, you’re a woman. You NEED a private area for feminine items, changing, etc. Put YOU in a place where you are vulnerable to whoever comes into the apartment? Oh HECK no!
When your mom got the apartment, the original plan was a room for each of you. Your brother knew this, and if he’d wanted to move in, he should have said so at the time your mom was getting the apartment so he could have his own space. But no, he waited until afterwards, and just up and demands YOUR life get turned upside down so HIS can get better. That’s not how this works.
You mom can give up her room.
Your mother should give up her room. My son, daughter and I lived for many years in a 2 bedroom townhouse. They each had their own room upstairs and I had the quiet of the downstairs sleeper sofa. It wasn’t a sacrifice for me.
NTA you and your mother had this worked out, his change in plans should not mean that you are dumped into the living room.
Does your brother have a job? Or is he in school also? If living with your dad was not working for him, he should be looking to move in with some roommates, if he is working.
NTA – college is more important than gaming. As the parent, your mum should know this and factor it into the decision. At the same time, compromise is important if neither of you are paying rent. I would suggest you pay rent so that you have priority to claim the room, or if not, take turns in some way – e.g. he gets the room when you are on college break.
Put your foot down.
Complain louder and more frequently to your mother that your studies will suffer.
Your brother wants to bring girls home to your bedroom.
More people in the house will affect your studies. Let him go back to live with your dad.
It’s not your problem.
NTA.
NTA
YOUR room. Your brother is the late addition. I realise (from your edit) that his situation wasn’t ideal, but that isn’t your problem.
Your education trumps his gaming.
And _since_ that’s what he’s doing, I have to assume that he isn’t working? And if he isn’t, at 21, then he can stay on the couch.
He’s not helping, he’s not contributing, and all he’s doing is whining.
Stand up for yourself
Maybe ask your mum if he’s going to get preferential treatment ‘just’ because he’s the oldest, because he’s a boy, or because he complains the most?
Point out, (if you have to) that you actually need the space to study, that it was yours before he turned up.
You brother needs to get a job, and his own space, not bully your mum into forcing him into giving up yours.
NTA, but does your mother have the means to move somewhere bigger? If your brother got a job he could contribute to the rent for somewhere larger.
This isn’t sustainable.