I recently went to a restaurant with some family members. The understanding was that each person would be paying for their own food and no one else’s (i.e. I was not being treated to this meal by them, or vice-versa).
Now, in general, whenever I go to a restaurant and everyone pays for their own meal, I do not ask others to give me any of their food without offering some of mine to them in return. I do not like to impose on people in such a way, and in life generally I consider it presumptuous to expect others to give me things they bought for themselves without offering them anything in return. This was no exception, and as a result, I simply ate what I had ordered, without asking my companions to give me any of theirs for free.
Anyway, one of the people I was eating with asked me to share some of my sides with them. I declined to do so and expressed that I did not want to give them any without receiving any of theirs in return. Now they are accusing me of being "stingy," "greedy," and "transactional".
AITA?
I’ll be honest – making it a point to say “unless I get some of yours” DOES sound greedy/transactional.
Would it really have been that big a deal to put a spoonful on their plate?
Family members sharing food is absolutely common.
YTA for childish drama.
info – were they asking to share a significant portion or to taste something?
NTA. I feel like that is a fair ask. You try some of my chicken and I try a bite of your pasta. They could have ordered what you did. Maybe yours looked better than theirs when it came out?
Joey don’t share food NTA
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NTA.
You ordered a portion that you felt you could eat, if the other person wanted more, they should have ordered more.
The way you worded your refusal was transactional. You could have simply said that you don’t share your food or made a joke about needing to eat it all. Still, I suppose you are NTA for refusing.
I mean… did you literally ask “can I try some of yours, too?” Or did you just refuse when you weren’t being offered some of their portion as well?
I’m leaning towards NAH. Just different dynamics. There’s a polite way to communicate your preferences, but even if you’re being blatant, I don’t think it makes you an A-hole.
YTA because you came off as rude. In principle you are not wrong but that was probably the worst way to handle the situation. It sounds very transactional, I have had less transactional conversations at stores were I am literally making a transaction.
NTA
YTA although this does depend quite a bit on exactly what each person said. The way I’m understanding it, they said, “Can I try some of your \[side\]?” and you responded with “No, not unless you give me some \[one of their items\].” Which, absent some history between you and that person, is an AH response.
The normal response is, “OK, sure, and can I have some of your \[item\]?” It’s a subtle difference, but when you start by denying their request except under certain conditions, you do in fact come off seeming stingy and transactional. Whereas if you say yes and then ask for a trade, it makes the other person look like the AH if they don’t agree.
>Now, in general, whenever I go to a restaurant and everyone pays for their own meal,
Okay, same.
>I declined to do so and expressed that I did not want to give them any without receiving any of theirs in return.
You don’t always have to share your food. NTA
There’s something very imperious about the delivery here, so I can see how the way you said it at the restaurant it didn’t go over well. Anyway, you don’t have to share food, so NTA on that front, and next time just say, “You should order one! This is so good I’m afraid I want it all to myself.”
NTA.
Like Joey, I don’t share food. And that’s okay.