My (36f) dad (58m) got into a minor fender bender this morning. He was at a stoplight when the car in front of him started and stopped after the light turned green. He “tapped” her rear bumper.
He did not get photos of the accident because it was “too dark to see anything.” He claims that there was no visible damage, and any marks could easily be buffed out. He exchanged insurance information. He did not call the police to report an accident. While at work he called and told my mom (62f) what happened and asked her to get my opinion about how he handled the situation. She told him to let their insurance know, which he said was unnecessary.
This is where I may be the asshole. I told them both that they don’t want to know my opinion, so I have nothing to say. I said, “no comment.” When my mom handed me the phone after dad insisted to speak with me, I told him that they don’t plan on listening to what I have to say regardless. I was visibly annoyed.
My reasoning is twofold: one, my mom recently was in an accident and also did not call police which caused issues with insurance and took longer than necessary. I had to help them with the paperwork because they “don’t know how to do things online” After all the issues I stated, next time you’re in a fender bender, call the police to make a report asap.
Two, they took away my grandmas license from her for making a similar mistake stating that she is a danger to herself and others on the road if she doesn’t know how to handle accidents. I feel as though that was an overreaction, and now that he has done something similar, I feel conflicted about how they dealt with it.
My mom told me that I was out of line and hurt my dad’s feelings and should apologize.
So, do I need to apologize for my tone and for being an asshole to my dad after his accident?
YTA. All the stuff about your mom and your grandma is just noise. Bottom line, you are pissed that your dad won’t do what you are telling him to do. But giving someone advice, even when solicited, does not give you the right to control their actions. If you cannot cope with someone not taking your advice, then declining to give advice is the best solution for everyone, but you don’t need to be a snide asshole about it.
You aren’t a teenager. If you know your parents don’t want your opinion, don’t give it. If they can’t “do things online” let their insurance agent help them. Focus on your adult life.
It’s really common to not call the police for a minor accident where nobody was hurt and no one’s car was significantly damaged. They take forever to come, often aren’t that helpful, and there’s really nothing they can do other than write a report. Also, if nobody’s planning to file an insurance claim, there’s really no reason a police report would be helpful.
I’m….honestly really confused by your behavior. If you were 16 I’d totally understand the “nobody wants to hear from me anyway so I have nothing to say” nonsense, but 36? Come on now. Answer your mom’s questions or don’t, but having a “tone” with parents is something kids do because they lack agency in their lives and don’t have another way to express displeasure with their situation. Yes, YTA.
As soon as someone says WITHOUT BEING ASKED and when they are NOT IN THE CONVERSATION “Well I won’t tell you what I think because I don’t care!” obviously YTA. If you think they won’t listen to you then don’t say anything ! Or just give your input and if they ignore you well they are adults that’s their choice
The passive aggressive nonsense doesn’t make you sound like an adult who is worth listening to tbh
“While at work he called and told my mom (62f) what happened and asked her to get my opinion about how he handled the situation.”
They *were* asked. Did you just skim?
YTA
You had an attitude before they even involved you. You went into this already prepared to be unpleasant.
first of all , your dad is in the wrong with the accident. He was too close & if you hit someone in the rear you are in the wrong. YES, he needs to let insurance know. then get quotes of damage on both cars. YNTA
As someone who lost his parents at a young age: don’t sweat the small shit… Give each other a hug and drink a cup of coffee…
NTA. Dealing with older parents who refuse to listen to their adult children is a PITA. You helped them with the accident last time, told them what to do in the future if it ever happened again and they didn’t listen. It’s like dealing with teenagers.
NTA…
YTA. People usually don’t call the police for minor accidents like that with little to no damage so not sure what you’re talking about. He should have taken photos, though. Such a thing would certainly not result in taking someone’s license away for not knowing how to handle accidents. I also don’t think he needs to notify his insurance company necessarily if no one is filing a claim for damage.
YTA As an insurance adjuster I never cared about a police report for minor stuff. The only reason I needed one was if multiple people were involved or there was significant damage.
For someone who says they are 36 you sound like a bratty teenager. YTA your attitude sucks. and taking your grandmother’s license has nothing to do with this situation. And insurance always takes forever no matter what.