For context, I am doing altar service for the first time at my church this weekend and I’m very dark-skinned. There’s a dress code to buy very specific ballet flats that are in a nude color, but my supervisor is saying that we are only allowed to use 1 shade of nude for the shoes. The point of these shoes is not to draw attention to our feet as altar servers have to conform to be all similar to not draw attention. So, the shoes arrived and I tried them on but they are EXTREMELY light and contrasts my skin greatly because of my dark skin and the fact that it’s “nude” (but only for people that are white). I feel stupid wearing these and I emailed my supervisor hoping they’d understand if I bought a different shade, but she said:
*Hi (Me) !!*
*Thank you for working on getting shoes in time. I am very excited for you to begin.*
*I appreciate your question. However it is important to match the other girl servers and having a different shade will be noticeable. I hope this makes sense. Thanks for checking.*
*See you Sunday.*
(Name redacted)
I don’t feel that this is right because that logic doesn’t make sense. How would it be noticeable to wear something that is ACTUALLY nude to my skintone? The way my shoes look is as if I put a giant bandaid (the one not made for darkskin) and just looks outright a sore sight.
Edit: y’all, I appreciate the support but I want to reinstate that I am not doing anything in in relation to ballet, it’s just that I’m doing Altar service and the dress code is to wear ballet *flats* (not to be confused with the tiptoe ones). Also, I don’t think leaving is an option because I harbored a positive relationship with this woman and my family knows her, my friends, and the overall team of current servers are anticipating my first arrival. It’s also rude to leave last minute to a non illness related reason. I truly feel that if I replied to the email about this in a maladaptive conforming way, it will surely just get me kicked out or make it obvious that I think that she’s a racist. I appreciate the support but I need a more reasonable and non conflict-causing way to fix this issue.
NTA. I can’t tell from this post whether they’re just willfully ignorant of the issue or they don’t want you to participate and are trying to push you out. Unfortunately you can’t go ahead and wear nude-to-you flats without it turning into a whole thing with the supervisor. They’re going to be embarrassed when they see how much the shoes stand out, but that is not your problem. Wear the shoe directed, don’t worry about it, and if anyone says anything refer them to your supervisor.
You told them. Keep that email.
Time for malicious compliance.
The thing is, in the email I sent to her I already showed a picture of it.
Imagine if every single girl got the shoes in your skin tone, that way they can’t complain about them not matching.
Also NTA.
NTA you just learned that your church is racist.
…or empty headed. Unable to marry the two ideas because they don’t like thinking, they just like following rules.
Send them a photo of the shoe against your arm, with an ‘are you sure? caption
NTA. It sounds like whoever made the rule was only thinking about light-skinned people and isn’t flexible enough to change the rule when needed. Are these rules written down anywhere or is your supervisor just enforcing her own preference?
Look, you showed them a picture of how much it contrasts, they want you to keep wearing them…. Not much to do beyond this.
Don’t push it and you’re NTA. Sometimes people don’t think for more than a second, it’s not your job to make them. You tried showing how it will make you stand out. They don’t care, it seems. So you shouldn’t either.
NTA.
“Nude” is not a single color, it’s relative to a wearer’s skin tone. If the church’s priority is that shoes don’t draw attention, then everyone should wear their appropriate matching nude shade. If the church’s priority is that they want everyone to match, they should require black shoes.
NTA!!
Non-white ballerinas have been fighting for skin tone, shoes that matches their own skin!
It’s just been recently that they got them
NTA
Sounds like your racist church doesn’t appreciate your volunteering.
NTA
This is wild. Nude is nude only when it matches your skin tone. Otherwise it’s just beige.
Can you take a picture of how you look with those shoes and send that? Like, they must not understand what color you are and thinking you just want different colored shoes.
[edit] OMG I just saw someone ask the same question and your answer. You’re surrounded by idiots
NTA. Misty Copeland had to deal with this also.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/alexalisitza/misty-copeland-brown-pointe-shoes-tiktok
Anyone else find it slightly weird that it’s so important for these people to fade into the background that everyone has to wear nude ballet flats to “not stand out”. Is your pastor so egotistical that they’re worried that your shoes are a distraction from them?
Even a million years ago when I was an alter server at the Catholic Church, you had to wear robes but nobody cared about hair, jewelry or shoes. And they sure didn’t make anyone buy anything in order to be part of the service. If your church requires you to buy a specific kind of SHOES (with your own money on top of it) because otherwise someone might notice that there are live people up front, that’s a little…….unusual.