I (16M) got into my mother’s car yesterday after she picked me up from highschool. I got into the backseat and my mom was driving in the front seat. I took my phone from her as our country doesn’t allow phones at school and she asked me what we did in school. I said we had a Chinese New Year celebration and there were some performances. Later on the ride home I was bored so I started playing a game (Geometry Dash) on my phone. She then asks me the following:
Mom :What phone are you playing on?
Me: My phone
Mom: What are you playing on your phone?
Me: I’m just playing some Geometry Dash (Note: I didn’t put my phone down as I was in the middle of a level)
Mom: Why are you being so rude to me? Can’t you talk nicely to me?
I then ask what’s wrong, and she says that I’m being very rude to her because I didn’t put down the phone when talking to her, and because the first thing I did when I got in the car was take my phone from her. She said she expected me to know to put down the phone and look at her, but the thing is, she’s supposed to be driving and looking at the road while I was directly behind her in the back seat. She then said how it was my responsibility to stop whatever i’m doing to talk to her. I made a stupid decision here but I asked her why she didn’t prepare breakfast for me yesterday morning as she always did in the past. But she said that it’s not her responsibility to prepare breakfast and I should know to do it myself. We then argued back and forth and it culminated in her saying I was super arrogant and she wouldn’t care about me anymore and I shouldn’t expect help from her when I was 18.
Maybe it’s because i didn’t greet her when I got into the car ? I normally do but i didn’t this time because I was scared after we had an argument the night before. She didn’t greet me either btw, it’s actually quite normal for her not to greet me. Maybe she’s reaching menopause or getting stressed at work so that’s the reason for the change in behavior?
TLDR: Mom was driving in front of me, I was sitting behind her. She asked what I was looking at on my phone and I answered I was playing a game. She got super upset i didn’t look up from the phone and said I was being disrespectful. We argue more and she says she wants to cut me off when I’m 18.
Just look at your mom when you talk to her. Hell, look at everyone you’re speaking to while you’re talking to them. But especially your mom. Be kind and present with her
YTA put the phone down and talk to your mom. She won’t be around forever
This is less about looking at her and more about giving respectful attention.
Your mum just wants some respect when speaking or being spoken to. (eg, not being on the phone)
I see
YTA for saying maybe it’s because she’s reaching the menopause.
NTA because there’s nothing disrespectful about not looking at the back of her head while she’s driving. Sounds like y’all have major issues outside of this circumstance and that is what’s fueling this conversation. Very rude to ask why she didn’t make you breakfast. If you have a grievance with her, that should be a separate conversation outside of her grievance with you. I believe in constructive disagreements with parents and children but not tit for tat. I believe you should apologize for that.
I’m trying to make up for it by greeting her but she’s been completely ignoring me. I know it was very rude of me to ask why she didn’t make breakfast but at the time i could only think it was because she was upset at me from the day before.
She’s upset and doesn’t know how to communicate properly. As you will be an adult and responsible for yourself one day, you should work on developing your communication skills. Ask her if she wants to tell you why she’s truly upset with you. Ask her if it’s your behavior, something else, or both. If she’s anything like my mother trying to be calm and reasonable will not work and you’ll end up getting hurt. However, this is all inappropriate communication and you need to figure out how you’re going to develop your communication skills, especially how to identify and calmly explain what is upsetting you.
My mother behaves exactly like this and I consider talking to her a lost cause. Had to start ignoring her and working on making myself better. Do not take her behavior personal. Her issues started long before you and you are NOT the reason she chooses to deal with things this way. Even if you are raising hell in the household, not saying you are, ignoring you only makes sense in the context of taking a step back because of anger and potential violence. Hours later she should not be on the brink of violence because you were looking at your phone. There’s a much bigger issue here
YTA, in the extremely predictable way that every 16 year old since the beginning of time has been, so it’s fairly forgivable. Just put down your phone and talk to your mom for 5 minutes next time and avoid this.
My mom has dementia/alzheimers… When I visit her now she struggles to remember that I’m her son much less my name..
I would give ANYTHING for me to have one of those rides one last time with a truly meaningful and engaging conversation with her.
I’m not gonna call you an AH because you’re young … I’m just trying to give you some perspective.
YTA I pause my sentence when someone looks at their phone, and only resume when they look back.
Give people (especially your mother) the respect they deserve when conversating.
YTA,, your mum took time out of her day to pick you up, she doesn’t have to make breakfast for you. atleast you should be grateful of the things she does for you by engage with her it just seems like she wants to talk to you
YTA. Be nice to your mama