I have a sister, we’ll call her Claire. Im her older brother. In my mind, she’s extremely spoiled by our parents, mostly because she throws a fit and will not give in when she needs to do something she does not like. This morning, we had an event we were both going to organized by our grandmother. We had both agreed to be there by 9am previously. I was up and ready to leave as were my parents, but she needed to shower and we left without her. No one else had showered, we just wore hats or combed hair and went as is. We went to event and helped grandma set up, about half an hour. Then my sister walks in. Nothing from grandma, nothing from parents, only I get on her case about it. I tell my parents it’s because she doesn’t respect anyone and because she’s never punished, and I’m told to just drop it. In my mind, it drives me nuts because my sister is smart. She does well in school, and I’m fully convinced she knows she can do this because she won’t get punished. Many similar scenarios have happened. Am I the asshole for caring so much when the parties affected don’t? I certainly have my own quirks that can be annoying for some people.
ESH
Your parents suck for not parenting your sister
But you need to stop trying to parent her. Yes it sucks that she’s getting away with being a brat but it isn’t your place to take on parenting
NTA. But, you are not the parent. It is not your job to police your sister’s behavior.
INFO: I need ages to make a proper verdict. That being said, I think this falls under the jurisdiction of “not your circus, not your monkey”.
You are not your sisters guardian. You being frustrated is fair, but at the end of the day, it isn’t your place to say anything. You’ve now said your piece, so it’s time to back off.
Info: why is it bothering you so much? Is it because you’re treated differently by your parents? Or is it just the principle of the thing?
Because the situation you described doesn’t seem to be that big of a deal, but I’m possibly missing something.
It’s valid for you to tell her your perception, and if she is this self-centered, she will probably ignore your advice. You’re not going to change her behavior, only she can do that.
Maybe eventually, she will cause enough harm that *she* cares about the negative repercussions, and her behavior could change. Sometimes the best you can do remove yourself from the influence of disappointment by her inconsiderate behavior.
YTA for attempting to intervene in a way that isn’t going to help the situation at all. Is the hope to shame her into changing her behavior? Was it just to lay into her? I mean, this sounds like it’s not a big deal whatsoever. Whatever. She was late. That’s between her and your family. It has nothing to do with you.
At least they left without her and didn’t make everyone wait.
YTA you have to learn to ignore her behaviour if everyone else is fine tolerating it. Not because it’s fine, but because you make yourself the villain unnecessarily. It is a waste of your energy.
You’re not wrong, but you cannot change her behaviour or make her realise she’s selfish. She’s being enabled and you can’t stop that.
YTA. You’re both adults, and so are the people she’s negatively impacting. You’re being controlling by always getting on her case in situations that have nothing to do with you. Also, you all were doing your grandmother a FAVOR by helping her set up the event, it wasn’t an obligation. So even if the sister showed up late she’s still sacrificing her time to help someone else, giving you even less of a grounds to complain. If your grandmother was upset about it, let her speak up for herself over the issue instead of you doing it for her.
You’re parenting your adult sister because she’s acting like a toddler. Your parents aren’t stepping in. ESH
You’re tripping! controlling! Or just jealous! She knew nobody would care if she would be 1/2hr late and they didn’t! It’s just you! So what if she’s spoiled, are you the one that is spoiling her. I don’t understand how people think they get to dictate to others how they should live their lives.
You don’t mention y’all’s ages so I’m hoping this is something she will outgrow.
But it’s just as likely that, getting to this point in life and being the entitled, enabled, golden child with no repercussions when she exhibits bad behavior, it will continue.
Of course it’s frustrating for you. And it doesn’t seem fair. And it doesn’t seem right. Because it’s neither of those things.
This is definitely on your parents. When the adults tolerate and seemingly encourage the disparity in rules, they do nothing good or helpful for the apparently favored child.
MANY times when this behavior is allowed to go on, the person’s choices follow in a negative vein all their life.
At some point, you just have to hope LIFE will show her the folly of her ways. Soon enough, though, you’ll be on your own anyway and free from her influence, irritation, and aggravation.
But I’m afraid until then you just need to bite the bullet. You really can’t control who she becomes (although continuing to call her out MAY teach her something, while you run the risk of annoying your folks.)
Blessings on figuring this out, and my best wishes!
You don’t say how old you are but it sounds like your a young teenager. Did it really affect anything that she showed up late? Does it really matter? Have your parents made you her personal police officer/guardian to make sure she goes to where she’s supposed to? It’s really none of your business. Without hearing her side of the story, YTA.
YTA because you’re getting upset and making the situation worse for everyone instead of considering if she’s inconveniencing you. If she is, making it so she doesn’t (by leaving on time, leaving if she’s being annoying, ignoring her). And if she’s not inconveniencing you but she’s annoying you, tune her out or leave. You’re both adults, time to transition to an adult relationship where you accept who you both are and work around it. You’ll be happier, and so will your family.