My sister and I live together. She went for a mini trip and she landed not too long ago. I’ve been working all week, getting home in the evening and then having to leave early in the morning for work so I haven’t had time to grocery shop or cook. Today is one of two days off and I cleaned a little bit and deservingly relaxed today.
She landed back home from her trip, and I thought to myself that she must be hungry. So I texted her that I will order food and asked her what she wants.
She’s tells me she has no idea because she’s bloated and that she wants real food, not fast food.
The thing about her is that she’s very particular about her food. She likes things a specific way. So she never ends up telling me what she wants, she comes home to no food and gets mad at me. Mad about how I got myself food, how she has no food, and that she will now have to wait even longer. That she’s tired and can’t think of a place off the top of her head. And that when I come home, I always have food waiting.
I tell her that I don’t know what her preferences are (like for today), that she never got back to me, and that I don’t know many places.
She tells me that I should’ve just went further with the convo, like give suggestions. I JUST asked her what she wants to eat, like tell me instead of expecting me to give you a list. Because I don’t know her idea of “real food” i gave her a suggestion just now, she’s like no that’s not “real food” that it’s fast food.
Am I the asshole???
NTA
And don’t give this drama a second thought. If she’s able to travel on her own, she’s capable of feeding herself. You asked, she declined, done.
NTA
I’ll assume she isn’t a minor in your care. She’s a grown woman capable of feeding herself.
Stop coddling her. If she wants food, she can order some. If she wants a home cooked meal, she can buy some groceries and cook it.
NTA why are you at all responsible for feeding her? Cooking for her? Shopping for her? Apparently thinking for her? No. Unless she’s a child, she can figure out her own food. I don’t expect who I live with to do anything like that for me. She shouldn’t be expecting that either. Maybe if you were her partner? But you’re not.
OP said that when he/she is away, sister always has food waiting when he/she gets home, so she expects him/her to do the same.
A simple conversation beforehand would solve this: “I’m going to pick up food for the day you get back, what do you think you’ll want?”
OP asked what she wanted and she didnt give an answer. Why should OP have to go through a list of places until sister decides one is acceptable instead of sister saying what she wants? Im not going to play 20 questions trying to figure out what you want to eat. Either tell me what you want or get it yourself.
Agreed. It’s OK to be a picky eater but that imposes, in my mind, to make an effort for yourself.
That would solve the problem IF the sister gave real direct answers not “i dont know” and “real food”. As far as I am concerned all food is technically “real food” since its not coming out of a kids toy kitchen.
The only adult I give suggestions too like sister is demanding is my husband when neither of us knows what to eat/cook and usually one of our kids will perks up at something we have suggested and will interrupt asking for that, so we cook that.
NTA – she sounds hangry – AND – it is impossible to make people happy who refuse to tell you what you want. Like a small child – she is a grown up – since she is the one being picky – she has to use her words.
The codependency and enmeshment is concerning here.
Especially given both are fully grown adults…
NTA – she is a grown ass human. I would never expect anyone to make sure I had fresh food waiting. And if SHE wanted it then SHE should have continued the conversation – the fact that she blamed you for not continuing the conversation is wild.
NTA. She sounds exhausting. You’re being punished for trying to do something nice. You’re not her mother, so don’t feel responsible for feeding her. She also needs to get over her entitlement.
NTA but E S H.
Your sister sucks for expecting you to be her personal chef.
You suck to yourself for enabling this behavior and letting her walk over you.
OP, tell your sister if she doesn’t like what you make she can cook for herself. If she is old enough to go on trips, she is old enough to cook for herself
Or she’s old enough to order delivery from a restaurant of her choosing. She needs to settle on.a go-to restaurant and a preferred dish on their menu. It’s one thing to expect someone else make sure there is food in the house when you’re returning from a trip. It’s an entirely different and unreasonable expectation to have someone else have to guess and propose options that another person MIGHT be in the mood to eat. What is wrong with her, seriously?
Quit enabling this entitled behavior. Most people are not going to put up with this foolishness and neither should you. NTA.