I (24F) hosted a Valentine’s Day party this Friday for our friend group. Two of the friends in this group Emily (25F) and Tyler (25M) have been dating for a while. A few days before the party Tyler texted me he was planning to propose to Emily at my party. He seemed really excited and asked me if I could help him plan the moment.
The thing is Emily is one of my closest friends and has told me multiple times over the years that she would HATE a public proposal. Like, she’s been very clear about this. She’s mentioned it to me when we were both attending another wedding. She thinks they’re performative and is the most shy and introverted person I know. She would be anxious at the thought of so many eyes on her and feel pressured to say yes even if she didn’t want to.
I tried to hint subtly to Tyler that maybe a public proposal wasn’t the best idea, but he kind of brushed me off? I suggested doing it on the actual Valentine’s Day but apparently he had to work that night and couldn’t get it off plus he wanted all our friends to witness their romantic moment together.
I panicked and told Emily of his plans. She was grateful I told her but also really upset that he didn’t know her well enough to realize she’d hate this. She must have confronted him about it and their conversation didn’t go well because when they came to the party the tension was OBVIOUS. Everyone could tell something was wrong and it made the whole night awkward.
Tyler has barely spoken to me since, and he said in our group chat that I "sabotaged" him and "ruined the most important moment of his life." One of our friends said I should have talked to HIM privately instead of telling Emily and that I betrayed him by giving away his secret. A few others are just annoyed that the party was ruined by the way they acted all night. Some people are on my side but I regret causing so much drama over it.
Tyler thinks I deliberately sabotaged his proposal. I think if he was ready to marry her he should have known her well enough to know she’d hate a public proposal. I was trying to save them both from embarrassment.
But now I’m wondering if I should have just warned him more directly instead of telling her? I feel terrible that I’m in the middle of their relationship drama and caused somewhat of a rift between our friends.
AITA?
YTA. You should have just directly talked to him and advised him accordingly instead of ruining his moment. Damage has been done now and I wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t forgive you tbh
YTA this was not a moment to hint at. You should have been mature and just communicated to him.
YTA. You should have warned him very directly then let him make his own choice.
***I tried to hint subtly to Tyler that maybe a public proposal wasn’t the best idea, but he kind of brushed me off… …I panicked and told Emily of his plans”***
\—You could have easily just told him instead of hinting. That was stupid. YTA.
Hint at the dude but be blunt with the girlfriend. OP was blunt with the wrong audience. YTA
Seriously just say “she’s told me multiple times she absolutely hates public proposals.”
Given he blames her for the fact his GF chewed him iut over it, I’d bet he woukd never have listened. It’s an ESH situation rather than YTA because the boyfriend is an AH too.
“One of our friends said I should have talked to HIM privately” — OP, your friend was right. YTA.
For Serious. All you have to say is “Oh, actually Emily has told me many times she would hate a public proposal so much! I can help you come up with something she would love though!”
Honestly it’s probably for the best though? They are so young, and anyone who wants to propose at someone else’s event isn’t actually putting much of thought or work into the proposal, just trying to do it with the least possible effort.
Also, if the boyfriend doesn’t know his girlfriend would hate a public proposal maybe he doesn’t know enough about her to be proposing.
INFO: What did you say to him when you “subtly hinted” that it wasn’t a good idea?
YTA just because there was no need to “hint”. You could have just told him directly
Right? All it would take is a, “Tyler, your girlfriend has told me a million times that she’d HATE a public proposal. Why don’t you do it before the party and then we can all celebrate you two as a group when you arrive? Just text me a thumbs up and I’ll have the champagne and confetti ready.”
Find the win/win. Jeebus Cripes.
You *did* deliberately sabotage his proposal though. Why on earth didn’t you literally just tell him that she would hate that and don’t do it. Don’t be polite about the kind of stuff that would ruin relationships. YTA