So I (18F) live in a 2 story home with my parents. I’m mostly on the upper floor because that’s where my room is. My mom is on the ground floor most of the time. Whenever she needs anything/wants to talk to me/has a chore for me, she loudly yells at me to come downstairs.
Ofc, I go immediately. Her problem is that I don’t reply back after hearing her. I just go to her. She says it makes her feel "ignored" and "disrespected". I just don’t like this kind of shouting and yelling. I would rather she not do that either and simply call/text me but, whatever, I’ve just learnt to accept it.
It happened again today and she’s just furious. She says I’m disrespectful and ungrateful because she’s asking for a small thing and I’m stubbornly not doing it. She’s considering taking away my screen time for 3 days.
AITA for thinking this is over the top and unfair?
This belongs in r/teenagedrama if it exists.
First world problems 😭
You’re not the asshole.
You’re going downstairs when she calls. You’re responding with action. You’re just not responding verbally.
For some parents, the verbal “yes?” or “coming!” is what signals respect. To you, it probably feels unnecessary because you’re already showing up.
This sounds less like stubbornness and more like a communication mismatch.
If you want to lower the tension, you could just shout back “Coming!” even if you don’t love it. Not because you’re wrong, but because it might defuse the pattern.
At the same time, threatening to take away screen time over this is a bit heavy. You’re 18. This isn’t rebellion. It’s a preference about how to respond.
You’re not being disrespectful. But if one word yelled back saves you days of drama, it might be worth it.
In my opinion, you’re NTA. You’re responding by going to her immediately, that’s the opposite of ignoring her. If she wants a verbal reply, she can ask calmy instead of yelling and threatening punishment. U are not being disrespectful, u just don’t like being shouted at darling.
Why is it so difficult for you to just do what makes her happy?. It’s just a little thing that would keep the peace. It might be uncomfortable for you, but this is such a small thing…
I’d say no assholes here.
She’s in the middle of class, studying, doing homework, washing her hair, tidying her room. There are a gazillion reasons to not (be expected to) drop everything to respond when someone screeches up the stairs at you. A little respect and courtesy is due in both directions here.
Why is it so hard for the mother not to go up the stairs to speak to her daughter?
Barking orders from one floor of the house to another shows how little respect the mother has for her child.
NTA
ESH – I had family that did this to me as well and it’s really obnoxious so I feel the pain. I don’t think this is uncommon at least in the US. On the other hand, you live under her roof. Her rules (within reason) are to be followed and there are consequences for not doing so.
With all due respect, grow up. If this is your only beef with your mom, read more of this sub and consider yourself lucky. You even admit that you’re being stubborn. You’re going to encounter a LOT of people who annoy you with their requests – bosses, coworkers, spouse/partner, kids – do you really want to make a big deal of this?
Humor the woman.
YTA
yeah, that makes sense. it’s just that she’s a very loud and dramatic person in general – talking loudly even in places like theaters, doctor’s offices etc, excessive hand gestures, answering calls on speakerphone. it’s just grating and drives me up the wall. but I’m sure I do things she finds annoying too. it’s a small request and it’s not the hill I should die on.
NTA, she is being a bit over the top. Also you’re an adult, she really can’t do much about your screen time (which has nothing to do with this anyway, and is therefore a dumb punishment even if you were not a legal adult.)
The thing is, until you walk in, she doesn’t know you’ve heard her. I agree, it would be better if she just texted you, but maybe she doesn’t keep her phone on her. What this reminds me of is when I ask my husband something and he will act without answering, and I’m not sure what he’s doing or if he even heard me. Honestly, it drives me crazy, and I wish he’d just acknowledge he heard me before walking out of the room or whatever. It’s annoying, and it’s not that hard to just say “sure”. I do relate to you in this because my mom also would yell for me, except that if I ever responded in kind and yelled “what?” or some other response, that made her mad. I was supposed to go to her.
You’re behaving like a brat. Why can’t you have a conversation like this. Hey mom. I know it frustrates you if you call me and I don’t answer but it frustrates me with the yelling up the stairs. How about if we call or text each other . That way I can answer right away you know won’t have to yell.
A verbal answer signifies you heard her. Simple courtesy to acknowledge the message. If someone texts you, asking you to come over, even if they are relatively sure you are coming, do you respond? If so, why. Respond, it gets there before you do.