So we were just chilling, having lunch and then eventually playing board games together.
I don’t actually know how the argument started exactly but I started getting into a debate about some random rules about the game. It wasn’t even a right or wrong debate, just each of us were trying to explain something. I think he may have been trying to explain something and I disagreed with it.
We don’t gel that well and therefore don’t communicate that well either. Eventually, I say something like "all I’m trying to say is \[this random rule I can’t remember\] but it’s really not important so let’s just drop it and go back to enjoying the game".
Then he was like, "right, I hear you, but I’m trying to tell you something and you’re not listening to me." Admittedly, at this point, I was mentally drained from the miscommunication and just wanted to move on and I may have say something rude like "I’m not interested and would like to drop this conversation" but he continued talking at me.
Then in three separate instances, I said "you’re crossing a boundary", "you’re draining me and " you’re making me uncomfortable". This was while others were also asking for us to move on and play the game but he said he refused unless I listened to him which I should have done but I feel i had zero mental capacity to do that because I’d already been drained by the argument. My preference and intention was to move on, let it settle then maybe I could have capacity to listen properly later.
So eventually, he refused to play and let us play alone.
I was really mad tbh, but I tried hard not to show it besides trying to ignore him and the situation. I also have BPD and for some reason, him trying to force me to listen to me really triggered my BPD.
My wife says I should have just given him a minute and listened, but as I said, it had already got to a point where I felt mentally incapable of doing so. I really wanted it dropped so that my sister wouldn’t have to listen to us argue.
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I’m happy to answer any questions but i think it’s normal to dissociate and find it hard to remember details when someone triggers you.
NTA
You have no obligation to agree with him. He refused to drop it, despite repeated insistence, until he got an acknowledgement that he was right. Which, according to you, he wasn’t. You were understandably frustrated because he was trying to force you to say something you didn’t believe, to satisfy his ego. That’s understandably draining and he should have dropped it far earlier than he did.
New here so sorry if I should add my clarification elsewhere.
He definitely wasn’t asking me to agree with him. He’s not that kind of person. He simply wanted me to listen to his point/message, which I’d normally have no issue with, but by that point, was drained by the preceding argument and wanted to move on.
The problem is you managed to get your point/message in before you became too drained to conveniently not have to hear his. Does your being too drained ever prevent you from saying things or does it only stop you from listening to others?
This point is fair and definitely where his grievance comes from.
We both had time to make our point though. He simply understood mine before I could understand his. But at some point, I lost the energy the keep trying and suggested we move on. To which he says, “what does that even mean?”
I mean, if you don’t have the energy to argue then don’t argue with people. Acknowledging that you don’t get his point because you’ve run out of energy getting your point across and can’t handle listening anymore is a dick move.
As someone who plays a lot of board games with a lot of different people, I say NAH. You guys don’t gel with each other, but that doesn’t mean one of you is an asshole.
Trying to see things from his perspective, if someone else got to make their point but refused to let me make my own, I would be angry as well and probably wouldn’t want to play games anymore, either.
Looking back, that second part is exactly what annoyed him.
However, while it panned out that way, I actually didn’t care whether he got my point or not at all, especially as it was about some pointless pedentic rules. Perhaps I should have been clearer and said “my point is meaningless, let’s move on”.
If you didn’t care if he got your point then why bother making it and continuing the argument?
I didn’t. That’s my point. I said ‘let’s move on and enjoy the game”, and he replies, “what does move on mean?”
YTA it’s hard to understand your point and very unclear if you’re a man or a woman so the dynamics here are too vague to pass a judgement. You say you don’t communicate with him well because you “don’t gel” but I think you just a bad communicator in general.