We are about to have our third baby here soon and have been together for around 10 years. For as long as I can remember she’s been begging me to get a joint account with her. Meanwhile, she can’t save a damn dime. I work full time and pay every single bill. She works part time (only weekends) and will take care of groceries but other than that she spends her checks on whatever she wants. I understand she doesn’t make much but I have been begging and pleading with her for years to try to save something. She expects me to get an account I can put funds into for after she has the baby which I eventually will. But because I’m not doing it right this moment I’m the bad guy. She screams “financial abuse” because of it. Then she will throw that she’s a SAHM in my face and that she saves me a bunch in child care. From the things she sees people have said online about their situations she pertains it to ours and makes me seem like an abuser. I keep telling her everyone’s situation is different. I never withhold money from her purposely, but will tell her if I don’t have it to give her. I always make sure her and our children always have everything that they need. I’m not some big shot who makes six figures a year, I make enough to be comfortable. She said she feels like a roommate having to always ask me for money but I just don’t trust her with full access to mine until she can save some of her own and prove herself. She said she refuses to marry someone that won’t give her a joint account. Now despite of all of that, don’t get me wrong she’s an amazing mother and all other aspects. I just ask that she takes some sort of responsibility. Am I in the wrong here?
YTA for having three babies with someone you can’t trust and don’t seem to like. Wrap it up at the very least.
No fucking kidding she can’t save a dime, buying groceries for four on a weekend PT work schedule. YTA big time
YTA – She can’t work full time because she’s taking care of the kids. Instead of “saving a bunch on childcare,” value her labor and pay her so she can go buy diapers without your permission. She’s not trying to save a dime – she’s trying to raise three children with a man who can’t even put a ring on her finger. You act like she’s going on an amazon shopping spree with her work money, but she’s paying for all of the kids’ day-to-day expenses.
INFO: She’s pregnant with your third child and how old are the other two of your children? You claim she only works part-time time weekends – but is she not taking care of your children through the week? If looking after your children prevents her from working full-time you can’t complain about her earning/saving money.
How much do you expect her to save from a part-time, weekends-only job after she buys groceries for 4 every week?
YTA.
She stays home and watches your kids all weekdays and then goes to work on the weekends.
And then you come here and act like she isn’t really doing that much?
YTA
What kind of part time job she works that you think she can save while buying groceries for 4 people ?
What money is left from that kind of paycheck to spend on shit that you deem useless ?
So.. Pumping out kids is fine and dandy but not combining finances isn’t?? Thats literally the first thing id be doing BEFORE having kids 😭 YTA bro
YTA – Why would she be looking to save money, she only works PT and takes care of two kids during the week, plus she purchases groceries.
If you’re not on here complaining about her purchasing designer shoes and handbags every month, then yes this is financial abuse.
I’m sorry your irresponsible wife is buying groceries for the family on her 2 day a week paycheck after staying at home with the kids the other 5 days. Wow, she’s so terrible /s
She can’t save a dime WITH WHAT? Unless her weekend part-time job is paying her like $50 an hour, she’s barely hitting a couple hundred bucks a week. With buying groceries for four people (probably including diapers, hygiene products, etc), every penny must go out the door the second it comes in. She’s right: YTA.
YTA obviously. The way you talk about your partner is absolutely disgusting. Why is she telling you she’s saving YOU a bunch of money. Why isn’t it about “us” but instead about “you” and “her”. Why the hell do you keep having children together if you don’t trust or even like this woman?
You say you have enough to be comfortable, but she sure as hell doesn’t sound comfortable. Having to ask for money just to buy stuff for the kids. You should be ashamed of yourself.
I hope she dumps your sorry ass and gets every penny she can out of you. And by the way it wouldn’t kill you to learn what a paragraph is.
Dude. You have three kids. You’ve been together 10 years. How do you not trust her enough to join our finances? And if you don’t trust her, then why are you with her? Why did you get her pregnant for a third time?
How much money do you expect her to save just working part-time on the weekends? She’s probably making minimum wage. Once taxed, her paycheck is lucky to be around $100 a week. What the hell can she do with that?
She’s taking care of the kids and the house the whole rest of the time – if she wants to spend her measly $100 on something for herself AFTER she’s taken care of the groceries… she’s entitled to. And what the hell can she even buy at that point? A magazine? If she’s lucky?
You ask that she “takes some sort of responsibility” – SHE IS TAKING CARE OF TWO (SOON TO BE THREE) CHILDREN ALL DAY EVERY DAY. Does that not count as “responsibility”? And if you don’t think that it does, again, why did you have children with someone you think is SO IRRESPONSIBLE?
The amount of money she is saving you in childcare, housework, cooking, etc. is in the tens of thousands. Please take that into consideration. If she got hit by a bus tomorrow and you had to take care of everything yourself, you’d have to hire people to take care of your kids, hire a housekeeper, order in take out, etc. That’s thousands and thousands of dollars a year that you don’t have to pay because she’s there doing that work instead. She’s not a mooch. You call her an “amazing mother” and yet don’t trust her enough to have some access to your joint finances.
Get a grip, man. This all just reeks of misogyny. YTA.
YTA, this red pill shit is killing so many men. You’re willing to lay down with a woman, have THREE kids, and be with her for 10 years. Yet, you’re still worrying about her being a gold digger and “using you”?
YTA this is textbook financial abuse, good on her for recognising it.
She has more than one child to look after, keeps the home clean, I assume does most of the cooking and grocery shopping, and still works part-time. This means there’s no room in her life for career development or freedom, she can’t invest into learning and skills to find a better paid job that would enable her to have more freedom from you, and as you benefit from the situation and you KNOW she can’t escape it easily, you are comfortable without change.
Meanwhile she has to run all expenses past you, has to ASK for money (?????) Im gobsmacked. Like you should be covering 90% of all bills and childcare, and she should be able to put 10% of her salry towards bills and the rest FOR HER. Why? Because without a romantic relatrionship, what we’re describing sounds a little bit like indentured servitude
10 years, several kids and you’re not married and dont ‘trust’ her with money? Like she’s given up years of career progression or education to have your children and keep your home, half of it is hers, she shouldn’t have to ask.
You couldn’t survive a week in her life, feeling that stuck.