My kids dad (27M) and I (28F) are broken up ,again ,for good this time. I finally got my own place with the kids. And have separated my phone bill , car etc. Anyways This last Saturday night I was finishing my last shift as a server since I was tired of begging him to watch his own children while I go work. I had gotten home late and he managed to put our 2 yr old girl to bed. But my 6yr old son was waiting up for me. I asked what the kids ate and if my son was full for the night so we can get to bed. Their dad said yeah he should be full look at that tummy (proceeds to grab it) and say he looks pregnant. I just look at him shocked and angry and didn’t want to fight this late so I kicked him out and put my son to bed. I did not talk to my kids dad for the past few days . Today we were on the phone and I told him dont you dare ever again say anything to our son about his weight comparing him to someone who is pregnant! (Which first of all is a stretch) I think I should also put for some background my son is not overweight. He has had some digestive issues/stomach issues in the past . And has had a difficult relationship with food so he has always look a little thin. Ever since we got out of the toxic environment away from his dad and my moms house and moved into a better school. His life has changed for the better and he is eating a lot more and able to go to the bathroom etc. So his body is filling out a tiny bit more than what we’re r used to . And I’m so happy he’s happy. I understand kids at school and other places are rude and if his weight gets out of control then they could make fun of him . (That was his dad’s argument) but I’m not worried about that right now. My boy doesn’t eat meat . So I get protein to him with other foods. He does eat a bit more carbs. And maybe that’s why it’s starting to show in his belly a little.
But his dad says he’s not in the wrong for talking to him like that. And stated that he should be able to say whatever comments he wants to his son. I strongly disagree. What are all of your guys thoughts ?
NTA. it is wild that the father is more worried about being allowed to say whatever he wants than he is about his sons well being… your son is finally healthy and eating well after a period of struggle. mocking his physical appereance during this recovery is cruel. you are being a great mom by ensuring your home remains a safe space where he can eat without being judged or bullied by his OWN PARENT.
NTA. The dad needs to learn some manners. Commenting on anyone’s body, let alone your own child’s, is not okay. Good on you for standing up for your kid.
INFO: How often does he care for the children? If it’s too little, could he have a reasonable excuse (e.g., being broke and needing to have multiple jobs)? You seem to know him better, is his personality impulsive?
It’s immature to make those kinds of comments in front of children. They can’t fully understand the meaning and may be hurt or confused. If the dad personality is not reserved and awkward, he might not realize why you’re upset. Instead of ignoring him or just saying ‘don’t ever say that again’, try calmly explaining why the comment was inappropriate and how it affects the kids. Watch his response: if he apologizes and seems sincere, that’s a good sign. If he reacts childishly or repeats the behavior, that’s more concerning.
Regardless, both parents should be mindful of how their interactions affect the children, otherwise a child might internalize the conflict and think ‘Mom and Dad don’t talk to each other because of me’ which could be damaging.
It used to be 2-3 times a week for sure. Then he started working overtime. And got very money hungry. (Which he owns his own townhouse just paid off his car and makes over 100k a year! He’s just not good with his money) I’ve had to get a 2nd job Instacarting to get some extra money and be around the kids still. I have sacrificed my serving job at night since he refuses to watch them and now is copying me doing Instacart whenever he can! And his mom has found a brain tumor and has to have surgery soon and my mom is a 2 times breast cancer survivor and can try to help when she can.
I did just get hired at a daycare so I can be with my 2yr old and get her social and I can bring my boy with me after he gets out of school. I’m so excited and praying it all works out 🙏
Oh and he did not apologize. Because yes today on the phone I calmly asked him why and what he meant and he didn’t think he was in the wrong . I’m not sure if my boy feels that way.. I think he slowly has gotten used to his dad not being around as much. And Ive always reassured him that me and his sister will always be there for him.
You’re not the AH and you are really smart to take that job so you can be near your toddler. Don’t set unrealistic expectations for him. This may sound harsh but treat the dad mainly as someone who helps supervise the children until they’re older or you find a more suitable partner. Encourage the siblings to form a close bond with each other and with you so if the sister grows closer to you and her brother than to her father, she will likely be less hurt if the father left in future.
NTA.
Honestly, I can read the “pregnant” comment as being relatively innocent, still best to avoid ever commenting on a child’s weight. An off-hand remark by an intramural coach about my weight as a tween almost sparked an eating disorder.
All the other stuff though? Sounds like the comment gave you the kick to do what you probably should’ve done regardless. If you have to force someone to spend time with their kids, they’re probably not a great long term prospect as a co-parent.
YTA. The comment was a joke, and you have overreacted.
1. It was an insult, not a “joke”.
2. Any competent parent knows a six-year-old doesn’t understand sarcasm.
Yes you are the AH because raging to an ex is never a good idea. He was an AH, too.
A)never comment on another person’s body. Ever. B) This is how eating disorders start. And yes, men get disordered eating, too. C) Your ex is an ass.