My partner (36M) and I (31F) have lived together for about a year now, and for the most part, we get along really well. But there’s one issue that keeps coming up and it’s honestly starting to make me resent him: he consistently leaves the bathroom dirty and expects me to deal with it.
Specifically, after he uses the toilet, there are often stains or splashes left behind on the seat and sometimes on the floor. Not every single time, but often enough that I’ve started noticing it almost daily. I’ll go in to use the bathroom and have to wipe things down before I can even sit, which feels gross and unfair.
At first, I tried to be polite about it. I mentioned it gently and asked if he could just double-check and clean up after himself. He laughed it off, I didn’t push it because I didn’t want to turn it into a bigger issue.
But it kept happening. I ended up being the one who cleaned the bathroom every time wiping the seat, mopping the floor, disinfecting everything. I even started leaving cleaning spray and paper towels right next to the toilet to make it easy for him, but he still wouldn’t use them.
When I brought it up again, he got annoyed and said I was being dramatic and “obsessed with cleanliness.” He told me I should “relax” and that it’s not a big deal. I explained that I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect a grown adult to clean up their own mess, especially when it affects the other person using the bathroom.
Things escalated last week when I went into the bathroom late at night and saw that it was dirty again. I was exhausted and just snapped. I told him I’m done cleaning up after him and that if he leaves the bathroom messy, it’s his responsibility to fix it not mine.
He got defensive and said I was treating him like a child and making him feel disrespected. He also accused me of “keeping score” and ruining the mood in our home over something “small.” Now he’s been cold toward me, barely talking unless necessary.
I don’t think expecting basic hygiene is too much to ask, but the way he reacted is making me second-guess myself.
So… AITA?
He’s living like some sort of animal.
It is entirely reasonable to expect an adult to clean up after themselves.
You’ve done nothing wrong.
Absolutely NTA – and he’s disgusting.
NTA.
You’re his partner, not his cleaning lady. It isn’t hard for him to clean up after himself.
>He got annoyed and said I was being dramatic and “obsessed with cleanliness”
Does he forget that you live there as well? I doubt you want to sit or smell his pee drops or bodily stains
NTA. Leave your period blood on the seat and don’t flush the toilet and see if he likes it.
Yep or even take red food coloring and make big splatters all over. See what he says then.
NTA. He is 36 years old and if he has been going this long living in his own filth, he is very unlikely to change. If you are treating him like a child, it is only because he is behaving like one.
Ask yourself what you get out of this relationship and what he has to offer, because you deserve better and he is always going to hold you back.
NTA. I bet if you left some menstrual blood on the toilet he would suddenly think cleanliness is important.
NTA this is a deal breaker for me. If he cant keep the bathroom clean, how clean is his ass?
Was honestly just about to ask this. The bar is truly in hell if this is what other women genuinely put up with.
OP, you need to break up with your BF. He’s a 36 yr old toddler. There are men out there that don’t leave bodily fluids and excrement all over a bathroom and know how to clean their ass, I promise you.
I’m a man and NTA all the way.
I constantly remind my young sons about this because it’s simply unacceptable to leave a need in the bathroom. If my 7 year old can figure it out, so can he.
Move out. He’s got the IQ of an adolescent.
Is the laundry basket in the bathroom? Find his favourite t-shirt and clean up with that. Then leave it out as a rag for future cleaning.
Ugh I’d rather live alone
You will get tired of it not getting cleaned up, long before he will
NTA. You don’t have to settle for a man who acts like this. There are so many men in the world who don’t pee all over the floor and expect you to deal with it.
I am once again begging women to stop dating grown men who are not potty trained. Have some respect for yourself, because he sure doesnt have any for you.