For context, I am 20M starting my second year of university and recently moved into uni flats with another friend of mine and 3 other roommates, most of them also second years but one of them being 18F and a first year – I will just call her Roomie.
On the move in day, I introduced myself to the rest of the flat and had no problem with any of them, they all seemed like nice people and I was happy with the roommates I got. The day after, Roomie wanted to host a pre-drinks for one of her fresher’s events at our flat and no one had a problem since we all had our own plans to go out. It was at this point Roomie asked the flat if anyone had a speaker that she could borrow for the pre-drinks, I had one and happily gave it to her without thinking anything of it.
The next day I was up at around 6.30AM and knew that I would be out for the majority of the day, so I sent Roomie a message asking if she could leave my speaker at my door for when I got home. I didn’t get a response but I assumed that she would just do it without updating me. When I got home around 10.00PM, there was no speaker at the door. I didn’t want to bother her this late so I went to bed and planned to ask her the following morning.
The next morning I was up making breakfast and Roomie came into the kitchen, I gave all the standard small talk and then asked whether or not she could grab my speaker for me before she headed out. She stuttered a bit but eventually said she would. She did not. I did not see her the rest of the day.
The following morning much of the same happened but this time when I asked her, she blew up in my face, accusing me of continually harassing her over something as small as a speaker (this speaker is like 120 USD btw) and told me to leave her alone. She left the flat and again I haven’t seen her.
Its been about 2 days now and I haven’t seen much of her, but when I do she just gives me a passive aggressive look and leaves. I have never been in a situation like this so I don’t know what to do, whether I approached it the wrong way, or if I was the asshole in this situation.
NTA: Roommate is a mooch and possibly a thief. Keep harassing and threaten to go to the landlord about stealing if she doesn’t give it back. Like. It should have been back in your possession days ago.
Yeh this was kind of my fear, accusing someone of stealing my things is not something I thought I would be scared of doing until now.
NTA.
Tell the roommate that maybe it is small but it is expensive, and she asked to “borrow” it – not keep it. Explain that you will explore your legal options if it is not returned by noon tomorrow. … not sure what your legal options are, but hopefully she doesn’t either and the bluff works.
Probably seems like my best route, thanks for the advice.
NTA. But I have a feeling that you may not see it again. I would insist that they return it or replace it. I would also keep my bedroom door locked when I am not there. Good luck!
NTA
You only asked a couple times, not unreasonable.
But dude, time to face facts: the speaker is gone. You’re not getting it back. Let it go and don’t lend stuff to that roommate anymore.
NTA
If it was in her room, you’d have it by now. Something happened to it and she needs to fess up.
Just say ‘look, clearly something happened to my speaker that I was kind enough to lend to you. I’m not harassing you by asking for my property back, it’s just making you uncomfortable because you don’t have it. Just let me know what happened to it and we can work it out from there’.
Then ultimately, she owes you for the replacement cost.
NTA. It’s yours, not something particularly cheap, and she asked to borrow it. But if she’s blowing up it’s gone by now, I guess only thing you can do is stop lending her stuff
NTA.
Ask another roommate (or friend if they don’t want to get into drama) and record the next conversation because her jumping to harassment is not something to ignore.
Be direct and tell her that you’ve asked repeatedly and she has to either give it back or replace it in that exact moment, not during the day, not during the week.