I’m a sahm to two young children. I had my kids as a teen and never furthered my education although I desperately want to. Their dad works full time and essentially I’m home caring for them 99% of the time with no friends or family nearby. While I could try online courses my kids don’t nap during the day so I’m very busy😅.
Moving 300 miles away to where ALL of my family is would mean having the support to finish school (my grandmother has offered this before). This wouldn’t be permanent.
Im obviously worried about my kids feeling confused or missing out on connecting with their dad. I don’t want this to be a selfish decision because continuing my education would help me get a good job to provide and give my kids more.
I’ve put all of my goals on pause for far too long but I don’t know whether to just wait a couple more years or take the leap now.
So you get an education, your kids lose a father and your partner loses his kids.
There is one winner in this equation – there is no escaping this being a selfish decision.
NTA to feel what you feel.this is a decision that needs to be talk with your husband though!
INFO: how old are the kids? If you move how often would they be able to see their father? If you are making this decision alone it’s obvious that your relationship isn’t good, but you should at least consider the kids they deserve to have a relationship with their dad. If it’s just a couple of years till they go to school why not waiting?
INFO: are you staying in the relationship with your partner? what are his thoughts on this?
This is above out paygade as he could go to court and get an order preventing you from taking the kids with you.
YWBTA.
There are so many better options than taking your kids from their father. Arrange for childcare so you can attend school or take classes during the day. Wait until your kids are in school to go back. Take online classes at night when your partner is home with the kids or do asynchronous classes after they go to bed.
“My kids don’t nap during the day so I’m very busy” is not a satisfactory reason for taking your partners children away from him. Do you know how many women raise their children alone, and go to work and attend school full time? And you’re acting like you can’t do it when they have a whole dad and y’all live together?
You mentioned considering your children’s feelings, but what is your partners feelings? A great Dad would not let this happen without a fight.
As you’re telling it, you WBTA if you moved 300 miles away. It sounds like you haven’t really considered ways to start courses online to kick off your education.
If your kids are too old to nap but too young to go to school or kindergarten, establish quiet time where they play by themselves, look at books or do crafts so you can participate in one online course. Do weekend classes and let dad take care of the children for a day. When they start school, you can further your education and get your degree which then probably shouldn’t take too long with the aforementioned efforts.
Lastly, they’re small once and as a mom of 2 small kids I put my career as a lawyer on hold as I’m not getting the time back but I can always go back to a job. I understand you feel like you’re missing out, but you really aren’t. You’re young and you have most of your life left to get into the work force.
Yes. Young kids don’t need more things in life, they need mom (and Dad) there to help solidify their foundation for life. I get it, I’m patiently waiting for the next few years to go by so I can get back to what I want to do too, but right now the season is raising up good kids. Suzanne Venker has some good podcasts talking about this concept. Take a break, raise your kids, and then when they get more autonomy you can start doing what you want.
Uhhhh yeah. YWBTA. As I understand from one of your comments, you don’t plan on leaving your partner. So, you plan on what? Taking money from him while still technically being together still? How often do you plan on coming back for him to see his kids? Because you certainly should be the one doing the back and forth.
You’ve left this whole man out of the conversation about his family and his children.
If you wanted an education, that’s something you should have considered before having kids. And if it’s something you want now, you need to find a way to make it work in your current situation. Online classes are achievable. Instead of taking this guys kids away from him, ask him for more support at home, so that you can actually have time to do your courses.
When are your kids starting school? That would be the best time to go back and finish/start an education.
Unfortunately, you decided to have kids and commit to a partner. Those things are now the priority over your personal goals.
YTA kids need their father. How would you like your kids taken away from you? You should have thought about an education before you had kids. Taking them away from their father could change them forever. Also once they grow up and are able to understand what you did and why they will resent you. And the person that said them being away from dad for two years is okay is full of crap that’s not okay.
Question: are you lonely? I ask because i was way older than you when I had my kids and then I lost my job. I felt so totally alone and useless then! Because getting back into a job in my country at that time was really hard. So, I totally understand that you want to do stuff for you. But your kids did not ask to be born. Perhaps it would be good to work on the balance in the home with your husband before moving away. The kids only get one chance to be little, there is no going back there. Is there any option that your granny would move to you?
This is a tough time. It is also a phase. I hope you also enjoy your time with them, looking back at my pics and videos of that time, it seems that I did. All the best!
Info: Why doesn’t he look for jobs where your family is so you can all move? You can go back to school while the kids are taken care of.
YWBTA
I had to read through this a couple of times but what you want and let me get this straight is to move yourself and your children away from their father who is working full time to provide for you while getting a education for yourself and STILL making him provide for a family but this time one he will never see?
That is a major AH move. Look I get wanting a career and getting a job but you set yourself up with two young children and the role of SAHM. You and your partner created this situation. Your priority needs to be to (according to your reply in comments) those very young children and young children don’t just need money they need family.
If you leave your partner then he needs to leave you, full stop. It is not right to expect a man to pay for you and his children without even getting the chance to be with his family. Their are circumstances where a person has to do that, this isn’t one of them. Now it does seem like your young. If both children are between 1 and 3 and you had them as a teen then that probably makes you 20 or 21. Stop having children first off and either help your partner find a easier job and get a part-time one yourself so you can split child care time or as other commenters have suggested, wait.