My gf and I recently broke up, we were in a 5 year relationship. We had our ups and downs and always seemed to work things out. She recently ended things permanently. I had tried to talk with her about it but she was adamant on ending things this time.
I have been in a difficult spot emotionally, loved this girl a lot. During our relationship, I introduced here to a lot of my friends whom she became friends with.
One of my friends is getting married in a few months and we had our invitations months ago when we were still together. She was invited as my plus one.
here’s where things get a bit complicated. About a week after we broke up, she was with another guy. It wasn’t like she tried to spare me and hide it either. She was posting him on social media, etc. I unfortunately saw this as did all our mutual friends. It was super embarrassing for me and hurt me a lot. I don’t know how someone can do that to someone they say they love or loved I guess.
I told her that she needed to reach out and let them know if she would be attending and she has actually asked to attend. My buddy who’s getting married reached out and let me know it’s totally up to me and he would support my decision on it.
Am I the asshole for not wanting her to show up to this wedding? I mean why would I want to do that to myself? I honestly don’t even know why she would want to attend? Am I being immature?
NTA, if these are actually your friends and she’s invited purely as your plus 1 rather than in her own capacity, then it’s absolutely wild that she would still say she wanted to attend in those circumstances. Although in a 5 year relationship it’s possible those distinctions about being your friends rather than hers have blurred somewhat.
Tbh though, assuming she is invited unambiguously in a purely +1 capacity, I wouldn’t have even asked her, I’d have just told my friends that we’d broken up so she wouldn’t be coming – appreciate that’s not helpful advice now. This happened with 2 or 3 couples when I got married. The idea of a partner who was invited as a +1 attending despite having broken up with the actual friend they were the +1 of would have been ridiculous.
Thanks for the response. Those distinctions being blurred somewhat makes a lot of sense. But I am pretty sure that she was invited in a +1 capacity in this scenario. Either way, I just felt it was strange they would still want to attend given the circumstances. If I flipped the situation, I wouldn’t have expected to attend and can’t really imagine asking.
She’s your plus one so you can change her to a different plus one or choose not to bring a plus one she’s not invited in her own name
Your friend has already said it’s up to you so just let her know that you’re no longer be bringing her as your plus one because she’s not your girlfriend
It’s a simple as that
And I’m sorry you’re going through this OP
Thank you I appreciate it
If your buddy said it’s up to you, then just tell your ex that she can’t be your plus one anymore since you’re broken up. At this point, they probably have all the seating charts done so would you really want to be stuck sitting next to your ex at the table? NTA. This is just how things work when relationships end.
This was my worry. I knew the seating would have us at the same table, and if I was doing some drinking like most people do at weddings, that seems like a bad combination.
NTA: If she really wants to go she should ask for her own invite and not be your +1.
+1s are usually for couples, so if you’re not a couple she shouldn’t assume that she’d still be going as your +1
That’s sorta what I was thinking. Granted it’s a bit more complicated being such a long relationship and her becoming friends with my friend group. Thanks
She should be invited on her own if she wants to come. I dated my son’s mom for eight years and a week after we broke up I wouldn’t have brought her to the ER, let alone a wedding. This girl burned her bridge with you when she so publicly rebounded or moved on or whatever, I’d bring someone else personally or go alone and have a good time.
Thanks Murph. I’ll probably just ride solo, don’t think I’m ready to start dating again.
Do not take her, OP. She doesn’t deserve your consideration when she herself is not considerate to you and your feelings. NTA at all. Go by yourself or even better take a girl you know your ex hates. Or take your grandma, as a statement to your ex that even your grandma is much more fun a companion than her. And enjoy your buddy’s wedding.
Thanks for the feedback. I’ll probably just ride solo
NTA. She was only invited as she was your girlfriend. She’s not your girlfriend anymore so her invitation is rescinded.
Either go solo or see if your friend will let you bring a date.
NTA typically after a breakup those kinds of commitments are discontinued. you relationship is over, she isnt YOUR plus one anymore. if the couple wants to invite her and give her a plus one they can.