AITA?? Okay. So. My nephew has been through it. His mother passed away from cancer before he turned 2 years old. When I got the call, I drove 8 hours away, packed up their house, and moved my brother and nephew in with me. My nephew has two half siblings left from that family. I’m grateful for the love they have given him. It is important to me that he has as much love and family as possible. But it’s complicated. After I moved them in with me, my brother went off the deep end. He was always an alcoholic, but is wife and the mother of his only blood child passing away really set him over the edge. A lot happened, but he ended up losing custody of my nephew and going into recovery. He is now sober for like 5 years. My nephew is a very young and innocent 12 year old. He likes legos, kinetic sand, and video games. His half sibling is barely an adult so pretty immature and irresponsible. Which is fine and acceptable. However I recently learned that there was a lot of inappropriate and reckless behavior happened during visits and it really made me upset. I addressed it and gave the sibling time to adjust and change some shit around. It didn’t happen. It got really ridiculous. So I snatched up my nephews phone, deleted all messages and phone calls, deleted the contact info, and blocked the number. Am I the asshole?
EDIT: Sorry, new here. I’ll give a little more context.
The sibling (plus other family) live three states away from us. I drove my nephew to that state for Christmas/New Years. There is other trusted family there, so I assumed it would be chill and everyone would look out for my kiddo. Then I found out this particular sibling brought him to a 21+ NYE party and let him drink liquor and observe things that are not age appropriate. I didn’t mention it, but my nephew is a young 12 year old. He’s on the spectrum and he’s very innocent. I know he’ll grow up one day and I’m super cool with that. But I’m not cool with people robbing him of his innocent just because. My brother cleaned up his act, but never wanted to get custody back, so it’s just me and my elderly mother looking out for him here. I can’t have kids of my own, I actually never wanted kids of my own, but this kid is my life and I will protect him with everything f I have. Momma bear style.
Well, if he’s in your custody then NTA.
I’m not sure if you’re an asshole, but you’re definitely naive. If they want to keep in contact it won’t take them long to establish it again
No, I’m aware. And that’s okay. But I’ve sent a very clear message. The sibling let my 12 year old nephew drink liquor on New Year’s Eve when I trusted them to be responsible for the most important person in my life. This message will be heard because the first attempt was not.
Hard to say since you haven’t specified what the inappropriate behaviour was. Can you set up superwised visits instead so you’re more comfortable, like in your house or something?
Snatching a phone and blocking someone isn’t the most mature reaction that’s what a teenager would do tbh.
Likely they’ll just make another account on some app and reach out again, you’ve done nothing but take out your frustration on your nephew.
I do not see how what he did is taking his frustration out ON HIS NEPHEW in any shape or form.
I feel like too many people who have an issue with the phone part are still an angsty teenager whose parents went though their phone on the inside.
I agree it’s a STRONG measure, but until OP gives more info we can’t be judging how warranted it was.
A sip of alcohol wouldn’t be a big deal to most people. But alcoholism runs deep in our family. I had “a sip” of alcohol when I was 10 and didn’t stop until I was 25. It’s not the same for everyone.
You’re right, not the best reaction. Just a frustrated one because I have tried to address my issues with the sibling and it wasn’t taken seriously. They live three states away from us. I drove my nephew to that state for Christmas/New Years. There is other family there, I assumed it would be chill and everyone would look out for my kiddo. Then I found out this particular sibling brought him to a 21+ NYE party and let him drink liquor and observe things that are not age appropriate. I didn’t mention it, but my nephew is a young 12 year old. He’s on the spectrum and he’s very innocent. I know he’ll grow up one day and I’m super cool with that. But I’m not cool with people robbing him of his innocent just because.
At first glance, NTA.
But it feels like we just don’t really have much to go on. You might want to edit in some explanations on what exactly warranted such severe action as cutting off his contact with his siblings and you “snatching” your nephew.
Who has custody now?
Why was your nephew at your Brother’s place?
What did his siblings do? You are aware siblings fight a lot and it’s normal, right?
Congrats to your brother for being 5 years sober as well, that’s great.
And good for you for stepping up and helping your brother when he was at his lowest and treating your nephew like a son(at least you have that vibe) but it’s all a bit vague for a solid verdict.
Oh and one more thing, I have a half sister but she and I were raised by my parents since young, so I never even think of her as anything other than a “full” sister and despite how hellishly we fought as kids she’s my favorite human being and I dearly love her.
My language doesn’t even have a word/expression for half-siblings hahaha.
I only use “half” because they didn’t grow up together and he didn’t really know them until recently. Sorry if it’s offensive. Not my intention at all. Still full family.
INFO: Please be more specific about what happened, otherwise every judgement of the situation happens on 90% speculation.
As is, your reaction seems very extreme.
EDIT: I get your behavior now, but please make sure your nephew does, too.
NTA
Post updated. Sorry.
All good Mama/Auntie Bear
Who has custody of this boy?
12 at a 21+ party? Drinking? At 12? Absolutely not. He’s on the spectrum, too. This sibling is not to be trusted. Sometimes young people make it a mission to destroy the innocence of another. Not cool. Just escort him around “family” he’s getting old enough to start building his own clean teen years without all that. Good for you and NTA 💯