i (28f) always rinse my dishes after meals. my roommate (28f) doesn’t. ive asked her several times (over 6 years of living together) to please make sure she rinses her dishes so that 1. it doesn’t stink up the kitchen, 2. we don’t have to scrub off stuck-on food when we load the dishwasher, and 3. so i will actually want to do the dishes.
our dishwasher is at least 30 years old and is terrible at getting off stuck-on food, but since it still technically works our landlord won’t replace it.
i have a lot of sensory issues regarding wet food and even with wearing gloves, it repulses me and i dread doing the dishes.
since she refuses to rinse her dishes, ive decided maybe i should stop rinsing mine too in hopes of showing her what its like to deal with double the crusty, stuck-on, stinky food. on the one hand it is pretty petty, but on the other hand ive literally said to her "rinse your fucking dishes or so help me god" idk how many times now.
if she does the dishes alone, she never has to deal with my mac n cheese sauce thats gone off, curdled milk from cereal bowls, or sauce-covered plates from buffalo wings, but when i do them alone, i have to deal with her crusty pasta sauces, moldy red beans and rice, and scrambled eggs that are glued to the pan.
couple notes, we will never be the type of people who just "put the dishes straight into the washer," its just not who we are, so rinsing the dishes after eating is literally the bare minimum she could do. when we do the dishes together, she rinses and scrubs and i organize the dishwasher, but if she rinsed her dishes she wouldn’t have to scrub. no one would have to scrub anytime we did dishes if she just fucking rinsed them, in fact! so wibta if i stopped rinsing?
edit to add: ive known her for 10 years, but lived with her for 6ish. she told me she used to rinse her dishes when she lived at home and in college, so i know she can do it
INFO: why aren’t you both responsible for your own dishes??
i mean it would just make it worse for you so i guess YTA to yourself? just have each of you do your own dishes. your roommate would know what its like to wash unrinsed dishes already if she already washes hers when she does it alone
Honestly she probably wouldn’t care. She doesn’t have the same sensory issues as you so she wouldn’t care about washing food off your plates.
NTA but I don’t think it would make a difference to her, based on your description. She clearly doesn’t mind scrubbing.
I don’t understand why it’s not eat>rinse>dishwasher.
You could
-limit plates/bowls/silverware/cups/mugs, two sets per person, wash it or sucks
-switch to paper plates
-not do her dishes
Why would you not put the dishes directly into the dishwasher if you already took the time to rinse them? It’s literally like a half a second more work than putting it back in the sink!!! Also since you hate dishes I’m sure there is a chore she hates to do as well. Is it not an option for her to just always do the dishes and you always do whatever chores she doesn’t like to do?
Please – absolutely quit rinsing your dishes when you know she’ll be involved during clean up time, but only if you want to be an asshole to yourself.
After six years she probably isn’t going to change.
SO…
Invest in a pair of rubber gloves made specifically for doing the dishes. It will help save your sanity and your hands while doing the dishes.
NTA
i have gloves for the dishes 🙂 it doesn’t stop the stink of old pasta with meat sauce tho
Listen… I hear you. But this won’t work. I know it sounds absurd but just move out. You will thank yourself later. If you have already asked, she doesn’t care. You can’t bully someone into caring but you can start a wildly untenable living situation.
YWBTA because what exactly does not rinsing your dishes solve? She’s already scraping her own before you load the washer so she doesn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that she has to do it. You’d only be adding to the moldy smell or whatever and making yourself suffer more.
It’s never easy living with someone else. As much as it sucks I’ve just learned if I want something done I just do it myself instead of trying to control others. I ask/explain something once and after that I don’t waste anymore energy. Sometimes they listen to reason but the other 99% of the time they don’t. Most things I’d have to do myself if I lived alone. Some people may say I’m a doormat but I haven’t had to go onto reddit like thousands of others to complain about the same thing everyone else deals with because I just don’t let it bother me anymore.
Don’t do her dishes anymore. Only wash rinsed dishes and tell her you will only wash rinsed dishes. Simple. You not rinsing probably won’t bother her since presumably she’s been washing her own crusty dishes for years. All you are going to accomplish is to give yourself more crusty dishes to wash.