I (33f) was diagnosed with celiac disease in 2020 I am extremely sensitive to gluten. I always have to be vigilant to not contaminate my food or space as coming into contact with gluten whether ingesting or even touching it will cause me to get extremely sick sometimes to the point of not being able to work, it also causes migraines that last for days, painful rashes on my skin, blisters in and around my mouth, my lips to swell to the point of tearing, brain fog, even hair loss. Always having to be alert and aware about my food and cross contamination is stressful and I am always anxious about food to the point of needing medication.
My husband (35m) is not gluten free but knows quite a bit about celiac and gluten and makes a decent effort to avoid glutening me, such as not kissing me after he eats. Our cats are also gluten free because I have had reactions from them licking me right after eating gluten food.
Right now we have different color pans and utensils for gluten free food and gluten food. I do the majority of the cooking and rarely cook gluten foods as making multiple meals at once is irritating.
I would love it if my home was one place I didn’t have to worry about gluten, cross contamination, or getting sick. Essentially I want our home to be gluten free. If my husband or his kids (previous relationship) want gluten they can go out to eat.
I’ve brought this up to multiple people in both my family and his and I’m being told it’s not fair to force everyone in our home to eat like I have to when I’m the only one who has to avoid gluten. I’ve also been told that I’m being dramatic, controlling, and just want everyone around me to suffer with me. Some family members that visit regularly I could see bringing gluten snacks into our house after we asked them not to in the spirit of helping because it’s someone’s favorite snack and they just wanted to be nice.
My husband hasn’t really given me his opinion one way or the other and I’ve brought it up several times.
I feel like if I had a nut allergy I wouldn’t be told I’m being ridiculous or controlling for wanting a nut free home.
If one of the kids was the only one in the house with celiac I think everyone would agree going gluten free is a no brainer.
Realistically I wouldn’t make it a sudden change, just slowly phase gluten out of the house over the next few months.
I’m exhausted and just want one safe space where I don’t have to worry about making myself sick on accident.
Would I be the asshole for making my home 100% gluten free when I’m the only one with celiac disease?
NTA. Given how easy cross contamination is, how serious your reactions can be, and how home should be safe, your home should be gluten free.
If this was any other allergen would you expect to have your home be kept free from it? If your husband was the one with an allergy would he expect the house to be kept free of it?
Stop accepting shitty treatment from people who don’t prioritize you. If my husband had an allergy I would ban it from the house and just eat that stuff when I’m at work. Hell, he has a mild allergy to bees so I take care of any wasps and things just in case he’s also allergic to their stings.
If we care about people we prioritize their health over our own convenience. If your husband is putting his convenience (including the convenience of not needing to lay down the law with his family) over your safety and wellbeing then he doesn’t really care about you all that much.
I hate when people on here say Y T A to yourself but honestly Y W B T A to yourself if you *didn’t* push to make your home gluten free. Celiac is no joke. It necessitates a major lifestyle change, and yes, that includes your husband. “It’s not fair to force everyone to not eat gluten,” well, it’s also not fair for you to be constantly sick because your home kitchen is poisoning you! Absolutely NTA.
NTA, while I don’t have celiac, I can understand just how anxiety inducing even just having gluten around and being cooked in the same house could be, I think it’s completely reasonable to want your own home to be somewhere you don’t have to feel that anxiety. If my fiance were suddenly diagnosed with celiac, it would be hard, but I would absolutely go gluten free at home so he didn’t have to worry about it. I would hope he would do the same for me.
NTA. I think you should feel safe in your house. I have an odd food intolerance, however, my sisters gluten intolerant and her reactions are way worse. Your reactions seem very severe. Why are people so up in arms about you wanting to go gluten free in your house? Like you said, others can eat gluten somewhere else. Maybe kids can keep snacks in their room- if they keep it clean and picked up- but the general spaces need to be gluten free.
NTA
Your kids and your husband will be fine eating gluten free food. If your houseguests can’t go a few hours without gluten, they can invite you over to their house instead. It’s not like your kids will never know a slice of decent tasting bread because they don’t eat wheat toast for breakfast – there’s a whole world outside your house where they can eat foods containing gluten. You’re not depriving them of joy for no reason – you’re making a tough choice so that they can have a healthy and more present mother in their lives.
You may need to consider reasonable exceptions (ie if your kids get candy from school or if your family members have leftovers from a restaurant or serving regular pizza/cake when hosting a birthday party). But yeah, when a family member has a serious medical condition, sometimes that means the household has to adjust to take care of them.
NTA this is literally a medical condition that clearly causes intense reactions for you even at small levels. Like someone else mentioned, I think there must be a balanced solution, like anything that does have gluten must be prepackaged and used with disposable dishes or eaten outside of the home. There’s lots of great GF options out there, and if you can do it they can do it too.
You do the cooking and the shopping? Don’t ask, just only cook gluten free. If they want something else, they do it. It isn’t a dislike, it’s a medical issue and you should be safe in your own home.
NTA —
Why do these family members have a say about what happens in your house? It’s not clear if these people live with you, so if they do, that’s a whole different level of WTF to wade through, but I do know that multi-generational homes exist – Even in that case though, why do they want you to stress to the point of panic attacks about whether your food will try to kill you?
Additionally, I believe I’ve read that celiac’s is genetic, so it’s possible that any children you have/will have will have celiac’s as well. Going gluten free in your own home is your choice and clearly it’s for your own health
I’m going to say NTA. As someone with severe celiac disease/gluten intolerance, I have had many people not take it seriously. One teeny little speck of gluten can ruin my health for weeks, and as a result then start to effect my mental health. This feels like life or death for me. My ex wife didn’t take this as seriously as I needed her to, and while it’s not the reason for our marriage failing, it was another straw on the camel’s back.
I have noticed that many people don’t take it celiac disease seriously, and that sucks. Needing one safe place for yourself in the whole world is incredibly important, and if your loved ones can’t help provide that for you, well then there’s bigger issues that need to be addressed. Good luck!
NAH. I have a gluten intolerant teenager and we aren’t all gluten free because it’s expensive and he can handle tiny bits of cross contamination. Celiacs cannot.
IMO, NTA
If you’re that severely allergic, it makes sense to me that you wouldn’t want gluten in your home. If you’re the only one cooking, then you shouldn’t be expected to make separate meals that expose you to things that make you ill.
Literally the only person who has the right to an opinion in this situation is your husband. He is the only one who knows whether he would feel controlled or not. Relatives don’t get a say.
Ask your husband to give an opinion, and work together to make a plan, one way or another, to make your home safer for you.
I have celiac too and haven’t eaten gluten or wheat since 2012, but I’ve never had an issue with cross contamination from my husband because he makes sure all of his gluten food and prep materials are **thoroughly** cleaned up after he’s making something with it, and I don’t cook anything with it. He very strictly follows safety protocols ie not re-dipping a knife into peanut butter or butter after his bread, and he will use a gluten free swap in his own cooking when possible to reduce the risk. He has definitely reduced the gluten he eats to not have huge constant wheat messes around us both, but he still eats gluten in his diet.
If you’re the one cooking for your husband constantly and he expects you to make food with gluten, that’s fully unrealistic and he’s asking too much. If he’s leaving huge fried messes of wheat splashed around your kitchen and crumbs on your cutting boards without cleaning it up, that’s also way too much. He shouldn’t have to also be gluten free, but he can definitely fully take over making and cleaning up after anything with gluten (to the standard of it actually being clean and safe for you, it’s not that hard to do if he cares about you!!).