I’m 32F and I’ve been friends with this girl for about 10 years. I consider her a close friend, but not my best friend. I already have a separate best friend.
I recently got engaged on a trip to the Maasai Mara. It was a destination proposal and there was barely any signal most of the time. Between travel, excitement, safari schedules, and just being in the moment, I didn’t go out of my way to message or call people to tell them. The only person I directly told was my best friend.
When I got some signal, I posted the engagement on Instagram. Most people including other close friends and even extended family found out that way. I didn’t personally tell anyone else.
This particular friend messaged me congratulations but added that it was “weird” she found out through Instagram. Later, on a video call, she told me she was extremely upset, said it was humiliating to find out that way, and that it was selfish of me not to tell her personally. She said she thought we were much closer than that and that she had been planning on coming to my wedding.
For context, she already knew I was in a serious relationship and that marriage was likely in the near future.
I honestly did not mean to hurt her. I wasn’t trying to exclude her specifically. I genuinely didn’t think about individually informing people. I was excited, overwhelmed, and focused on the experience. To be blunt, I wasn’t thinking about her feelings in that moment not because I don’t care, but because I was caught up in my own life event.
It’s been a while now and she’s still cold and distant, and we haven’t really spoken.
AITA?
Extra context: sorry if this is sensitive/invasive, but if your parents/siblings found out, how did they?
I sent the photos to my family group the same time I posted it on Instagram
I was already going NTA, but asked this out of interest, and now I feel like NTA isn’t enough !! I mean, not only is she not entitled to special treatment compared to (almost) everybody in your life, but like, finding out at (roughly) the same time as your family?? Typically, family are the first people to find out about engagements, so for her to be on the same/similar level as your family and still not be satisfied is wack. Extra NTA here, OP !! <3
NTA
She needs to get over herself.
NTA, it’s ur life not hers. Live it for yourself. She is out of line and don’t let that bother you.
NTA
NTA. She needs to get over it LMAO the world doesn’t revolve around her.
NTA this is your news to share how you want, and she is trying to make it about herself. Newp!
NTA.
NTA. I’m not going to blast your friend because she’s allowed to feel upset. She just found out that she feels closer to you than you do to her. It sucks finding out that your friend isn’t really the level of friend you thought they were. She’s now taking a step back, maybe to reevaluate the friendship, or maybe she’s giving you the friendship she now thinks you want.
Yeah and this makes me feel so sad. I really do love her and wish things were different. She doesn’t feel like talking to me whenever I send her messages and all I get is one word replies. I’ve stopped trying for now, not sure if I should try again in a few months or just let the friendship die down 😔
NTA, she’s lucky she got the Instagram post… I feel like if I was having a destination proposal, I might wait to tell anyone till I got home and just live in the moment.
Why not just message her with the info you gave us, and then leave the ball in her court?
“I didn’t mean to imply that you’re not important to me.
I was in the moment when we got engaged, so I Instagrammed the news first, because it was the best way to tell as many people as possible without taking away from our moment. I didn’t directly message anyone other than my family at that time.
It wasn’t intended as a slight. I was planning to message you after.”
Edit: NTA
NTA!
She’s not entitled to an ongoing narrative of your life. You were busy with this wonderful event, which had nothing to do with her.
She was thinking about coming to your wedding? That presumes she will be invited. In your shoes, I’d ignore her little temper tantrum. You might want to pull back from her.