My boss (37m) was hovering over me (23f) all morning. Not just checking in once or twice, but physically standing behind me while I was working. After a while I started feeling really overwhelmed. For context, I’ve already had a conversation with him about this exact thing. I’ve told him before that when he hovers, it makes me anxious and like I’m constantly doing something wrong.
I could tell he sensed the tension because he kept asking if something was wrong. Eventually I just said it again: the hovering is too much for me. It makes me feel like I’m making mistakes even when I’m not. I wasn’t yelling. I wasn’t being dramatic. I just repeated the boundary I’ve already set.
And then he started crying. (god FORBID a girl try’s to set a boundary)
Like fully crying. This is a grown man. (mind you i’ve known him less than a month) He started crying and asked me for a hug. I was honestly caught off guard. It felt really uncomfortable and unexpected. He said he knows we both don’t like negative energy and he doesn’t want there to be tension between us. I told him I don’t want tension either, but I’ve already communicated this before and it’s frustrating to have to keep repeating it.
He kept crying and then said something along the lines of, “If this isn’t the right fit for you, that’s okay. And if it is, that’s okay too.” Then he told me to just take the rest of the day off.
So now I’m home, confused. I feel like I calmly communicated a boundary I’ve already expressed before, and somehow it turned into him crying and sending me home. I genuinely don’t know if I handled it wrong or if that reaction was just… a lot.
NTA but you need to talk to a lawyer about being sexually harassed at work.
Of course you’re NTA, this guy is fucking weird wtf
NTA. You need to start documenting every incident with details and timestamps. You also should contact HR and let them know what happened – make sure you document that as well.
NTA I’d be walking right to HR.
Same, because anyone that does this is asking for it.
NTA Boss emotions are his to manage. Don’t be concerned about it. But I have a suggestion. Next time he hovers, stop working, look at him and ask ‘Do you need something?’ Then go silent and wait for a response. Do not work until he leaves your area. Then resume working as if nothing had happened.
In essence, this is the same way you teach a dog to not pull at a leash. When the dog pulls, stop. When the dog stops pulling, resume your walk. Eventually the dog learns that pulling is counterproductive. Your boss will learn that hovering is counterproductive.
I’m not a confrontational person, and since we work in a customer facing environment, completely stopping what I’m doing would honestly make me more anxious because it would draw attention and feel like everyone is watching. I have thought about it though.
Also, I wouldn’t be giving him hugs. Something feels off here.
NTA.
In case no one else said it, this guy is a FUCKING CREEP. After you mentioned the hug, I’m worried he’s not looking over your work so much as down your shirt. Go to HR.
RIGHT! I got to that part and had to do a double take. A boss should NOT be asking for a hug after an employee brings up a work issue, and probably not at any other time either. Best case, this is not about op at all, but either way it wasn’t okay.
PLEASE OP go to HR or report to his boss. He is 14yrs older than you and is acting creepy as hell. Wanting a hug was a huge pervert behaviour everything you said he said and did (if accurate) is hugely in appropriate
>”If this isn’t the right fit for you, that’s okay. And if it is, that’s okay too.”
i feel like this was his way of basically saying “either put up with my behavior or find another job,” *especially* since he immediately sent her home right afterwards to reinforce his ultimatum. it’s all just manipulative as hell, and really really fucking weird.
NTA. Tf is wrong with him. Report to HR for paper trail. That’s disturbing.
NTA. He asked for a hug? No, that is inappropriate response. He is being manipulative and trying to get you to loosen your boundaries. Were there any witnesses? Have any coworkers indicated if this is normal? . Document what happened and send an email to HR. BCC your personal email address so you will have a copy. Perhaps frame it as you being concerned about his emotions and reactions, not as being threatened.
Did he send you home with pay or did you have to clock out and lose money? If you lost pay because of this then next time it occurs suggest that he take time in his office to compose himself. Don’t leave. You should not have to lose money because of his emotional outburst.