Hi, I (23F) feel like I’ve accidentally caused major drama in my friend group and now I’m scared it’s going to blow everything up.
For context I’m in a close friend group from uni. It’s mostly guys, except for me and “Rachel” (23F). Rachel dated “Jade” (24F) on and off for about a year. After they broke up, Jade stayed in the wider group as some of the guys don’t vibe with her.
Rachel had one boundary when they split up, she told Jade not to sleep with “Shane” (23M), who is Rachel’s best friend. Jade agreed and said he wasn’t her type anyway.
A few months later, Jade admitted to me privately that she and Shane were secretly sleeping together. She made me promise not to tell Rachel because it would ruin friendships and her emotionality. I agreed and kept it to myself.
About 8 months passed. During that time, Rachel and Jade had ongoing drama, and I tried to stay neutral. I didn’t pick sides and mostly just listened when they vented.
Eventually I distanced myself from Jade because I didn’t like how she handled conflict (posting indirect things online, talking behind Rachel’s back telling the guys things about her that just wasn’t true ect.
Fast forward to yesterday. I was catching up with Rachel, and she mentioned Shane might be sleeping with someone. She joked, “Imagine if it was Jade what a joke that would be”.
I froze.
I didn’t confirm it. I didn’t deny it. I didn’t say anything at all.
Rachel immediately noticed and started putting the pieces together herself. She asked directly if they were sleeping together. I stayed silent because I didn’t want to lie to her, but I also felt like it wasn’t my place to reveal it.
She figured it out and started crying. She called Jade to confront her while I was sitting there. Jade assumed I had told Rachel and accused me of spreading it, but Rachel defended me and said I hadn’t said anything she worked it out on her own.
Now Rachel has blocked both Jade and Shane and wants nothing to do with them.
The problem is Shane is still part of our core group, so this affects everyone. I’m worried that by staying silent (and technically revealing the truth without meaning to) I’ve created drama that could divide the group.
So AITA for staying quiet and letting my friend figure it out.
Nta SHE created the drama by sleeping with him.
Are you the person who slept with your friend’s ex??? Just let it be. Rachel was bound to find out. You honestly shouldn’t have ever agreed to keep the secret – on that you are the AH. On everything else… Jade and Shane are AH.
Noooo I haven’t slept with anyone in the group. you are right on I should never have agreed to keep the secret.
ESH and it sounds like the ‘group’ has always been divided and always had drama.
Jade shouldn’t have kept her sleeping with Shane secret.
Rachel can’t ‘claim’ people and put them off-limits to others.
OP at 23 shouldn’t be playing or worrying about these high schoolish antics.
NTA. Rachel doesn’t get to control other people like this, and you did literally nothing here
NTA – its handled. The rest will work itself out and dont try to force making sure somebody stays in the group. They knew the consequences.
Do ya’ll live in the same house because this is Jersey Shore type shit.
Lmao no I don’t think I would be able to leave my room if we all lived together hahaha.
YTA- but only because you’re assuming the burden of drama created by Shane.
Rachel doesn’t get to dictate other people’s behavior.
You shouldn’t have agreed to keep Jade’s and Shane’s behavior secret.
This ‘friend group’ sounds like a stereotypical pitch for a reality show.
ESH.
NTA
Shane and Jade chose to pursue a relationship. They chose to hide it. Jade chose this DESPITE knowing it would hurt Rachel. Heck we don’t know that it was a “despite” situation – it could have been a BECAUSE it would hurt Rachel decision. We don’t know because Jade and Shane chose and acted to kept it quiet.
You did not create the situation. You did not create the conversation. And you didn’t telepath your thoughts into Rachel’s head. (If you did – the CIA would like to work with you.)
You haven’t done anything wrong.
Friends telling other friends to keep secrets from other friends put everyone in impossible positions.
And, friends who date friends in their social circle should expect breakups to be messy.
And friends who sleep with their ex’s friends but want to keep it secret are unrealistic and clearly crave drama.
NTA