I (25F) and my brother (31M) were planning our mom’s 60th birthday. She told me earlier she didn’t want a big party just a quiet dinner with immediate family. We agreed to respect her decision
I made a reservation at her favorite restaurant and planned something small like she wanted, Two weeks before her birthday, my brother told me he changed his mind and booked a surprise party with around 50 people because he thought she did not really mean what she said about wanting a small and quiet dinner.
I told him I wasn’t comfortable going against what she asked for and i will go ahead with the dinner plan. He said I was being self centered and not thinking about what she actually wanted when she clearly stated she wants something quiet.
I didn’t cancel the dinner. She came, seemed relaxed and happy, and later said the surprise party (which he still threw that weekend) was too overwhelming and crowded for her.
Now he says I made him look bad and divided the family by not supporting the party.
AITA for refusing to go along with it?
The party was for him, not her.
Happy birthday to your mum. Well done for following her wishes.
NTA.
thank you
NTA and you know it!
NTA
By the time someone hits 60+ they know enough to clearly communicate what they do and do not want.
You had the sense to listen. Your brother didn’t. He’s just salty that he got shown up because he decided to second-guess what your mom actually *said*.
NTA you both meant well. But your brother blaming you is shitty – he should accept that the party backfired, because your mom didn’t want it, NOT because you didn’t support it.
NTA. You did what your mom wanted and appreciated. He didn’t. He was the one who made himself look bad.
NTA
You respected her wishes.
Your bro just doesn’t wanna take accountability
NTA. He did the typical AH move of doing what he would want instead doing what the person he’s planning things for would want. What he did was rude, dismissive of your Mom and completely selfish. He can look in the mirror if he wants to whine about what went wrong and who’s to blame. He made the mess by being so inconsiderate to your Mom
Your brother needs to learn to respect other people’s wishes, to listen and to take accountability for the consequences of his choices
NTA
NTA
your brother wanted to out shine you and he FAFO Didn’t he?! lol
You know you’re not. What kind of buffoon throws a huge surprise party for someone who wants a quiet dinner. Sounds like he’s projecting and wanted to make himself look “good” by doing a big thing for her.
NTA
He made himself look bad. He purposely went against her wishes.
NTA she literally TOLD YOU BOTH what she wanted, and specifically mentioned she didn’t want a party. Why would your brother think he knows better than the woman he’s throwing the event for?
Does your brother frequently decide he knows better than the people around him? Or is it just the women?
I’m sorry? He did exactly the opposite of everything she wanted – and you made him look like an asshole? He did that all by himself. NTA