Over the weekend we had our Lunar New Year get-together with extended family. One of my cousins (16M) is known to have behavioural issues and ADHD, which I try to be mindful of. But some things that happened really bothered me, and now I’m wondering if I overreacted or rather AITAH for calling him out. He is an only child so he’s very used to things going his way…his mum does not really have control over him. There has been incidents where he has physically lashed out on his mum. However, I feel like this is no excuse for this type of behavior.
First incident:
Before everyone had arrived, he started helping himself to the dishes. Not just that.. he was using a fork he had already put into his mouth to pick through the shared plates. I told him in front of everyone not to do that because it’s unhygienic. He responded by saying, *“My mum isn’t saying anything, so she’s ok with it.”*
Second incident:
Later on, he asked my younger cousin (6M), completely out of nowhere, if he was gay. It wasn’t framed as a joke or anything . He just casually asked it in front of everyone. My 6-year-old cousin obviously had no idea what “gay” even meant. He just looked confused. Meanwhile, my 16-year-old cousin started laughing like it was the funniest thing ever. I gave him a stern look because it felt really inappropriate, but he just kept laughing it off. So I said loudly something along the lines of, *“Why would you ask a 6 y/o that? It is not funny at all”.* He then just shrugged his shoulders and laughed it off. What made it even more awkward was that my younger cousin then went to his mum and asked, *“Mummy, what is gay?*". And the part that really irked me? His mum was right there when this happened and didn’t say anything at all.
I understand he’s young and has ADHD, so I genuinely don’t know if I was over reacting/ being an asshole to him. But at the same time, it felt very disrespectful and inappropriate.
AITAH for calling him out?
DEF NTA
NTA. Your cousin’s mother is an AH for not parenting her child.
NTA. He’s a boy child, and is only going to learn appropriate behaviour if it’s shown to him AND if his misbehaving is corrected.
His mum needs a kick in the ass to get her to start parenting IMO.
NTA
ADHD does not mean you are excused for having no manners. The first is what a small child might do. The second is ridiculous.
No. Adhd isn’t excuse for being AH.
He’s 16 years old. He is two years away from being an adult. ADHD does not even begin to explain why he behaves like a toddler and asks a small child inappropriate sexual questions. There is something VERY wrong with your cousin, more than just being “spoiled,” and I think he needs to be evaluated for some kind of developmental disability or mental health disorder.
NTA. No behavioral disorder is grounds to excuse this behavior. It sounds like your cousin not only lacks discipline from his awful mother but he doesn’t understand that actions bear consequences.
NTA. Unfortunately this just comes down to bad parenting. Your cousin is fully aware of what’s going on and enjoys antagonizing everyone. He’s not far away from being an adult, and this kind of behaviour isn’t going to fly when he gets to that point. Good for you for calling him out, he needs more of that
I don’t believe this behaviour can be attributed to ADHD. It can, however, definitely be attributed to bad parently. NTA.
NTA.
Oh to be a fly on the wall when cousin gets his first reality check when he tries this sort of garbage with strangers.
NTA, I would also say his mother most definetely needs some expert advice on how to control him, he walks all over her and everyone, I mean physically lashing out at your own mother? She needs to get him help
This doesnt have anything to do with adhd.
He’s TAH, and he may also have adhd.