**SIDENOTE THIS IS NOT ABOUT LIKE FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS**
WIBTA if I were to say no to being the power of attorney for my gma.
I 28nb just recently had to have a conversation with my GMA about recent needs to update her will and POA due to my aunt being in really bad health.
My family is very dysfunction to say the very least. My GMA has 2 daughters my mom and my aunt, my mother doesn’t talk to either and my aunt has always been the one to deal with that aspect bcuz she’s the most on range.
Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you see it, the only grand kids are my and my younger sibling. My youngest sibling also doesn’t talk to my grandma. (For good reason due the stuff we went thro as kids with the family) Again I cannot stress how dysfunctional my family is.
*Side note I could just about write a trilogy worth of lore*
I know that I am one of the handful ppl she actually talks to, and the relationship between us has slightly improved but the thing is I myself are chronically ill and I’m also taking care of my husband who is also chronically ill. My GMA would most likely have her independence for maybe another 20 yrs with her health but I’m still besides myself.
I know if it isn’t me who becomes POA if my aunt passes, it’s going to be hell making sure things go where she wants them to specifically after the will is gone thro, mostly because of my mother, which I don’t want to have to deal with bcuz she’s done this with my steps dads side (his mom and GMA)
I’ve just feel like I’ve been taking care of the family and the issues my entire life, my whole childhood and it’s the reason I moved away, maybe it’s selfish of me for wanting to say no. Or is this a problem I’m going to want to deal with down the road??
We have planned to talk more about it on Wednesday bcuz she has to meet with her husband and make the changes in the will etc
I do feel guilty to either have to think about an answer instead of knowing, I guess to me it’s just so much to think about
INFO: POA is not the person who carries out the terms of someone’s will – that’s the executor. POA is there to act on someone’s behalf if they are incapacitated and unable to make decisions (medical, financial etc) while they are alive. You would never name someone as POA in your will. What exactly is your grandma wanting you to do?
She actually mentioned executor as well but you saying it reminded me. (Forgive me bcuz I really do lack the understanding of the paperwork as well) My aunt I guess is out as POA and executor then. But she wants me to be the one to make the decisions if she no longer can AND handle the issues AFTER she passes estate,items the whole lot
NTA. That’s a lot to take on, even if you were in perfect health. In your current circumstances, you may not be available when needed, or not in a good enough physical or mental state to make the right decisions for her. She may need to pay a professional to take on those duties for her.
I think that’s the thing I’m worried about most, I don’t think I can stretch myself any thinner than I am currently
You are NTA but this isn’t a conversation to be kicked down the road. If there’s money I’d recommend she hire someone to be her PoA – legal or financial counsels often fulfill that role for a fee.
Thank you! I actually didn’t really know what the options outside of my self of that would be the choice