I 24F have siblings who are fond of borrowing my things without asking or returning them broken, late, or not at all. Over the years, I’ve tried setting boundaries multiple times, politely asking them to stop, but my requests were mostly ignored.
A few years ago, one of them borrowed my laptop for a weekend project and promised to take care of it, but when returned, it was scratched, had liquid damage on the keyboard, I had to pay a few hundred dollars to repair it. At the time, I felt guilty for being upset because my parents told me, It’s family I should just let it go. But letting it go only encouraged more careless borrowing.
Recently, they asked if they could borrow my camera. It’s a professional camera I use for work. Freelance photography, content creation, and client projects so it’s not just expensive, it’s essential for my job. I told them no, explaining that I couldn’t risk it being damaged or lost because I rely on it daily.
They got upset immediately, saying it was just a camera and that I was overreacting. I offered a compromise they could borrow it if they signed a simple agreement promising to return it in perfect condition. They refused, claiming I was being selfish and unfair.
To make things messier, my parents have been criticizing me saying things like, You should share with family and Why can’t you just let them use it? They’re your sibling. I tried explaining that this isn’t about being mean, it’s about protecting my belongings, my work, and my boundaries after years of being taken advantage of but they don’t seem to see it that way.
I feel like I’ve finally reached the point where I have to prioritize myself and my responsibilities, even if it makes me look mean. I can’t keep letting past patterns repeat themselves, especially when my livelihood is at stake.
AITA for saying no this time, even though it upset my sibling and drawn criticism from my parents?
NTA. Your belongings are not the collective family belongings. The fact that they would not even sign a damned piece of paper saying they would take basic care of your camera tells you all you need to know.
Exactly my thoughts
Don’t explain. Don’t repeat yourself.
You have told them ‘no’. Tell them once – “I have answered, My answer will not change. If you bring it up, our conversation is over.” Then hold YOURSELF to that. If they bug you about it, hang up the call, walk away from them.
No need to justify yourself, to feel guilty or in any way responsible for their convenience, comfort, preferences, desires, wishes, bad feelings, etc.
You will probably have to limit your contact with your family at times until they learn to stop feeling entitled to your things.
NTA. They seem to follow the “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine.”
Just because they are family doesn’t mean they are entitled to whatever they want. Keep your boundaries. They will try to wear you down but be strong!
No is a complete sentence!!!
NTA — your camera is a work tool, not the community library copy, and “it’s family” stops being a valid argument the moment family starts returning things pre-broken like it’s a subscription service.
If they could return my belongings broken every time I see no reason risking my income for family
NTA. They are being disrespectful of you, your work, and your property. It will never improve if you allow it to continue. If it’s just a camera and not nearly as important as family then they should be fine with not being able to borrow it. It’s just a camera, they don’t need it, respecting you and your need to remain employed should be more important than borrowing it. Do your parents loan them things? Would they loan them things that they can’t easily replace? Maybe you also need to borrow something, money perhaps, the amount you would need to replace your camera. Your siblings or parents should be happy to oblige since you’re family and it’s just money. It would be very selfish of them not to.
NTA — your professional camera is a paycheck with a lens, not the family’s communal “oops we broke it again” starter pack.
Then I spend money to fix or replace it without them contributing a dime.smh
NTA. It just goes to show how our parents’ influence makes us doubt common sense.
Exactly,being my family doesn’t give you the right to take my belongings without asking or destroying them
NTA. Especially if you use the camera for work.
It’s just a camera! It’s just a car! It’s just a computer! The Reddit borrower MANTRA!
Since it IS just a \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_, ask them why they don’t have one.