i have a friend who prides herself of being brutally honest. yesterday she gave me some advice… about my career and personal life that felt like a total attack on my character rather than anything helpful. when i told her that she wasnt being honest, just mean and condescending she got super defensive and said im too sensitive for the real world. now things are awkward in our group chat. AITA for calling her out?
Good for you for not letting her get away with her bs. What makes her such an expert in navigating life? Has she been here before? nta
As the old saying goes, Honesty without compassion is cruelty.
Did you ask her for advice? Or was the advice unsolicited?
If you asked for the advice, YTA because you know your friend doesn’t have a filter. One can be “ brutally” honest & be kind when they’re being honest.
If you didn’t ask for advice, NTA.
NTA. Most people that use “I’m just being honest” are trying to excuse being an asshole.
NTA. Your friend certainly sounds A-holish. The people who are “brutally honest” are only interested in producing those comments, never receiving. Notice that her response was to attack you again.
But did you do this in the group chat? Did she? Doing it in the group chat was a choice, OP. It ticks the meter back towards Everyone Sucks, at least a bit. It ticks your “friend”‘s meter up by even more so in the balance you’re ok, but if this person is a friend, someone whose opinion matters to you, you should call her out privately, and if you don’t care about her much, her comments are just so much hot air and should be rebutted with the same.
NTA. People like this are the worst.
INFO: did you ask for the advice or it was unsolicited?
She got super defensive? Sounds like she’s too sensitive for the real world.
NTA. Honest or not it’s called brutal because it’s mean. I’ve found that people who do this are actually a bit sadistic and enjoy using it to hurt people. Then they try to hide behind “I was just being honest”. It’s nothing more than cruelty.
NTA. People who define themselves as “brutally honest” are all about the brutal part. If it was just about being honest, they would find a kind way to do it nicely. Option two is to just keep their opinions to themselves.
YTA for providing no information for this sub to make a judgement based off.
Yeah, there’s no way to know if OP is being too sensitive, even to constructive criticism they would be better off paying attention to, or whether their friend really was just being mean, or even if the advice was good but the delivery bad, and so on.
Just saying “I felt this way so I reacted this way” doesn’t give you anything to go on. Feelings can be based on correct or *incorrect* perceptions and beliefs.
I’ve learned over the years that people who like describing themselves as bRuTaLlY hOnEsT are just fucking mean.
What was the advice? And did you ask for it?