I (20F) was recently offered a seasonal Guest Service position with a marine tour company in Alaska (3,500 miles from where I live currently) from April 21 through September 30. The pay is $20/hour plus overtime and a $1,500 bonus. Housing is provided, and I’ve been completing background checks, onboarding paperwork, and certification requirements.
I’ve researched the company, including reading negative reviews about safety and management. I’ve asked follow-up questions and reviewed their onboarding materials, which include Coast Guard compliance and drug testing. After looking into it carefully, I still feel comfortable taking the opportunity.
When I told my parents, my dad was initially supportive but worried. My mom was quiet and asked a lot of questions. Since then, things have become emotionally tense.
For background: my mom and I have a complicated relationship. She tends to react strongly to things she disagrees with, often assumes the worst, and talks to other people about issues instead of addressing them directly with me. In the past, when I’ve made choices she didn’t like, it has felt like her support becomes conditional. Because of that, I was nervous about telling her and sought advice from a trusted mentor before having the conversation.
After I told them, my mom reached out to that mentor, believing he was hiding something from her. He responded respectfully, saying I’m an adult and that it wasn’t his place to share my private conversations.
My dad later texted me saying my mom thinks I just want to “get away from her” and that it breaks her heart. That’s not my intention. I see this as a growth opportunity, not an escape.
There’s also concern that I’m not ready because I recently overslept for work, which my dad feels shows a lack of responsibility. I admit I need to improve my consistency and I’m actively working on that.
Financially, I don’t have much saved yet, but I have time before April and am working on building a cushion before booking my flight.
I’m not trying to rebel or cut my parents off. Even if they were fully supportive tomorrow, I would still want to go. But I can’t deny that part of me also feels like I want to prove I’m capable.
So, AITA for going anyway?
NTA. You’re 20. It’s Normal to want to spread your wings a bit. It’s a new experience and it will help you learn to stand on your own. It’s good for you, even if it goes badly.
NTA, it sounds like a great opportunity and you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders.
NAH. you understandably want to go out on your own as an adult to experience something new and cool, and get paid to do it. your parents are reacting the way they are because they have been completely blindsided by your decision. i think it was wrong of you to hide this until you’d already accepted. at the end of the day, your parents love you and want to keep you safe and you choosing to go so far (even for a short amount of time) is reasonably leaving them incredibly worried for you. if they’d known you wanted to do this throughout your application process, i’m sure they’d be more reciprocal of your excitement
I think it’s pretty clear her mum verged severely into AH territory when she messaged the supervisor to quiz him about his private conversations with her daughter. This sort of thing can lose people their jobs because companies don’t want to deal with overprotective parents.
If you have a mom who will badger and nag and “i really dont think you should go and here is all the reasons why you should stayed tied to my apron strings to safe” not telling them is the only way to get things done. My mom created an entire family (five kids) who all didn’t ask for permission, just asked for forgiveness when the deal was done by being a nag and negative nancy about literally everything.
NTA. It’s a new experience for you. You’re still young and this a new adventure. You will learn a lot about yourself – you will make mistakes, you won’t make mistakes. Doesn’t matter because that can happen anywhere.
Go and enjoy yourself and don’t let anyone spoil it for you 🙂 Good luck!
I’d tell your mom that getting away from her is not your reason at all. But that you want the structure, responsibility, independence, adventure, excitement, and earning this will provide. Tell her you love her, and hopes she will support your choice. Then go, work really hard. Be reliable, friendly, and joyful. It could positively affect your entire life.
When I was in my twenties I had an opportunity to spend a year working on a boat. A few take a ways. I believe I matured over that time being away from family and friends. I learned to get along with people, even when I didn’t like them. I had to. I learned to do my job even when I wasn’t happy. I couldn’t walk out and quit. I learned I didn’t like my dream job and it was OK to move on
The pay wasn’t great but room and board was included. And since there wasn’t any thing to spend my money on I was able to save up and build a nest egg. Giving me a choice of moving to another city with a good start. Or stay where I was and put a down payment on a house.
If you want advice from an old man. I’d say, go for it. You might not have this opportunity again.
Good luck.
Absolutely NTA. You are an adult. If you give up this opportunity because of your parents’ fears, you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what could have happened if you’d gone for it.
NTA
Your mother is actually pushing you away with her attitude. As the mother of a 20 something and someone who didn’t speak to her own mother for the last 8 years of her life, let me tell you something: a good mother would encourage independence and trust. A good mother might get her google on and make sure it was safe and that you really did think it through. A good mother would ask about your escape plan if something goes wrong and ask about keeping in touch. A good mother wouldn’t call your friends to make accusations of hidden information and agendas. A good mother wouldn’t load guilt onto you for trying to make changes in your life. A good mother wouldn’t make you feel bad for going against her opinion, she would quietly wait to see how things turned out and offer support and encouragement if her predictions came true. A good mother would not withdraw into herself and lay the blame at your feet. Your mother isn’t a good mother. It’s natural to be concerned and you make sure you are safe and it’s also natural to send your kids off into the world to make their own path. It’s your job to become your own person and anyone stopping you from doing that is thinking only of themselves and not you.
Sounds like a cool opportunity. I say go for it!
You’re 20? NTA