My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. He has two adult daughters and I have two adult sons. His daughters were not very accepting of me in the beginning, but he says they like me. His youngest daughter makes digs at me and can be very rude and condescending. If I say something is nice she says it’s not. His oldest daughter is very controlling. She directs the rest of us around and tells us what we are doing when we are doing it… In the past when we’ve gone on vacation together, he would have me research and find activities to do wherever we’re going. Then we’d end up doing whatever his oldest daughter wants to do. She will often plan things that I’m not physically able to do.
He’s always asking me where I’d like to go on vacation or what I’d like to do. I’ve mentioned several times that I would like to go to New York City and see a Broadway play. It has always been a dream of mine. He has not been interested. I told him that’s fine. I’ll go with a friend or go with my own children Now his daughters want to go. However, they want to go see something that I have no interest in. The show is something that they have a personal connection to and and talk about all the time. It’s very personal between the three of them. I’ve told him I don’t wanna go and see that play. I’m fine with him going with just his girls, but he really wants me to come along. I’ve been down this road before it’s going to be such a disappointment. We will be walking around doing whatever his daughters wanna do and it will be all about them.
Tonight he called me from dinner with them to tell me that they have figured out when they wanna go. It happens to be on the same weekend that an organization I belong to had a fundraiser. The thing is I’m in charge of it this year. I have no choice I can’t go, but he’s very disappointed.
They’ve done this a couple of other times in the past. They planned a trip on my first week back to work, my birthday, our anniversary, and the day I had outpatient surgery.. This doesn’t seem coincidental.
So AITA for not going with them on vacation?
NTA – i don’t get why you go on vacation with them though if you don’t want to or don’t enjoy it. I mean, you’re an adult. Just say no.
Aren’t you tired of being a doormat?? He obviously doesn’t care about you, he only cares about regular sex, cos I don’t see what you get out of being continually sidelined.
>he would have me research and find activities to do wherever we’re going
Another man who outsources the tasks he doesn’t want. If you end up doing whatever his daughter wants to do, then *she* should do the research. To expect the only one unconnected by blood to do the organising just to get shat on, is extremely unfair.
This isn’t really an AITA post, but lady – find yourself a BF who actually cares about you.
Habits tell the tale
You have other commitments so can’t join them and are by default NTA
NTA. Record some things, get evidence to prove to him how they act towards you because I’m sure they act different when hes around, then show them to him. Make him see why you choose not to. If he still doesn’t believe you then, throw the whole BF away and get a new one. You deserve better than that.
NTA regardless of they way you have been treated. And that he doesn’t stand by you.
If you don’t want to go somewhere, you don’t have to because you’re an adult and you are free to make your own choices.
Try to focus more on you and your needs and desires as to me, it looks like you are a little on the people pleasing side. So what he wants you to go and he will be disappointed? That is his feeling. What do you feel for yourself? You feel you don’t want to go through that bad experience again, from what I read.
It would be great if you could have an open conversation with just him. Ask him to listen to you. Tell him what you feel and what your expectations are.
If he still doesn’t even try, after you have clearly stated your expectations, then at least you know where you stand.
Good luck!
You don’t enjoy how his children treat you and therefore don’t want to go on a trip with them. Seems simple
I mean….they’ve chosen a date that means you can’t go. And you don’t want to go.
So it kinda works out.
However, are you really willing to put up with this for the rest of your life? Neither your boyfriend or his daughters seems to have an ounce of respect for you!
NTA for not wanting to go on vacation with them, but you know his daughters aren’t the problem here right?
The fact that they’re obnoxious and, apparently deliberately, plan vacations to clash with your milestones is shitty, but the actual problem here is that *your boyfriend goes along with them.*
He has clearly, repeatedly, demonstrated that you are not his top priority. If he has a mother, then I doubt you’re even in the top three.
Your dream trip is a Broadway show, but he does not a single thing to make that happen – until his daughters are interested and then you don’t even get a look in. How much clearer does he need to make this for you?
You get what you settle for. Personally, I wouldn’t settle for this, but you do you.
NTA. Dump that guy and find a man that’s not such a push over. Tell him to recover his balls from the jar the daughters keep them in.
NTA. You have a bf problem. After 4 years he isn’t willing to tell his dtrs no. He’s not willing to say “hat weekend doesn’t work for us bc gf is in charge of this fundraiser for a great organization & I’m going to be there to support her”
YTA to yourself for putting up with a man who clearly doesn’t value or respect you, and who allows his daughters to openly bully you.