My husband (34M) and I (33M) have been married for 3 years and gave birth to our boy 3 months ago. During the pregnancy, I had requested my husband to plan a baby moon trip and gender reveal party which he didn’t. So I did it myself.
After the trip and party, when I was 8 months pregnant, I spoke to him about it that why didn’t he do these things when I asked him to and that I feel unheard and unappreciated. He got upset that I don’t appreciate the other things he does (like buying me a healthy food, helping to move houses ). We both raised our voices. He threw a pillow at a wall, went into the another room and banged the door shut. I started crying and went down to walk. This was late at night. When I came home 30 mins later, he was sleeping, snoring. Which made me feel worse that he didn’t care to comfort or resolve things.
We spoke about it few days later and he apologised for his behaviour.
Today when I was looking through photos, I saw the photo I took on that night walk and memories came flooding back. I was telling my husband that I was really hurt that night and that he should have been kinder to his 8 month pregnant wife. He got upset that i am bringing up something from the past unnecessarily and accused me of looking for an argument. I started crying because i still feel hurt about what happened and his reactions were not apologetic/ taking ownership. He was left the room again and now we are not talking. I am left feeling sad and alone again.
AITAH for bringing something from the past?
NTA for feeling hurt, however — it’s clear you and your husband aren’t communicating effectively. Pent up resentment is the killer of marriages.
Have you tried seeking counseling together? This won’t get better on its own.
If he never acknowledged that he hurt you or did anything about it, it’s not “in the past”.
NTA. The fact that he never did the special things you consider important and thinks he’s doing something for you when only doing what should be the bare minimum is concerning…
OP wrote that he had apologized for his actions after the initial argument
INFO: He had already apologized for that night. What were you looking to get from bringing it up again?
If you want to make it work, you have to let things go once he apologizes and stops the behavior. Picking the scab of the same argument will lead you to be very unhappy and him to be miserable. If that’s what you want, keep bringing it up. If you love him and want to raise your child with him, understand that people make mistakes and move on with love and forgiveness. The forgiveness is for your peace of mind.
This! It’s YOUR problem to resolve, not his. Do you WANT to resolve it? Or do you want to just keep harping on it until you get a reaction you feel is commensurate to the crime? He apologised. Either accept that and move on or live unhappily – choice is yours. YTA.
YTA. The original set-to was 4 months ago, and then you bring it up again.
And while I’m here, if you were the one that wanted a moon baby trip (not even sure what that is) and a gender reveal, why is it an issue that you planned it and your husband didn’t? Pregnancy does not mean disability.
You sound a bit self-absorbed and that the world should revolve around you and your feelings. If you are, just letting you know that people like you are extremely difficult to live with.
A baby moon is a trip the couple takes together before the baby comes. She explained in another comment that he enjoys planning trips and parties for other people and that he agreed to do it. There’s no actual reason given why he didn’t follow through for his own wife.
YTA – you brought it up after he acknowledged his mistakes and apologised? He also handled it really poorly in the situation by counter attacking, but his point is there. If you can’t get over it from an apology then you should tackle it in the moment instead of bringing it up multiple times.
Did you ask him if he wanted a gender reveal or a baby moon?
Most people think an apology solves everything. Whatever shitful behaviour they’ve displayed or directed towards others is somehow absolved with an apology on its own.
An apology needs action.
For feelings that came back from that night, his follow-up action (to the apology) should have been showing empathy and validating her feelings.
He clearly never did that.
NTA.
YTA. You sound like A LOT. Gender reveal parties are exceedingly silly, and no one likes going to them. Husband should’ve told you he wouldn’t do it rather than just ignore you, but I would’ve refused. It’s just such an intensely pointless trend. I mean really, literally NO ONE cares what sex your kid is going to be.
I have no idea what a “baby moon” is, but I’m going to assume it’s another internet trend that people are trying to pretend is a new tradition.
It sounds like your husband is focused on the health of the baby and yourself, and you’re focused on instagram-ready content.
And yes, if he apologized and you both moved on, then it really sucks for you to dig up past discord so that you can leverage it again.
YTA for wanting a gender reveal and baby moon.
YTA
Can I ask, you took a picture? On the angry night walk? And then put that picture into a photo album to look through later? For what purpose other than to continue a fight? I don’t care if you saw something so beautiful that you had to take a picture, or if you had photographic proof of Bigfoot hugging the Loch Ness Monster, WHY?? (You can say you mistakenly said it was from the walk when you meant it was from earlier in the day, before the argument, in which case, okay – my vote won’t change as you picked a fight that was over and done)