I’m getting married in a little over 2 months, and my fiancée is adamant about not having kids at the wedding (it’s a very HARD no). I am of course backing her, as I don’t really have a strong opinion either way, but I know she’ll be more stressed out if there are kids running about at the venue.
My sister has 2 toddlers and is traveling cross-country to be at the wedding, but now she is sort of dropping the problem of what to do with her kids on us. Saying "I hope you don’t have too big of an issue when I bring them along".
I get that it’s far away and there’s limit babysitting options (if she trusted anyone with her kids) but is it my responsibility to cater for her kids so she can come to my wedding?
Update:
I should disclaim we only officially said no kids in the invites we sent about a week ago, it wasn’t mentioned in the save-the-date.
I called my sister and told her I can arrange for her kids to stay the 6 hours of the events with my best man’s mom, as we’ve been friends since high school and she is acquainted with him. But she doesn’t seem too keen.
If you want her to come yes.
You knew she had toddlers. You knew all family she may have trusted will be at the wedding. She isn’t living in the area so no trusted friends. You made it actively difficult for her to come with your choice not to have even family kids there.
Either let her bring them or tell her not to come, she shouldn’t be threatening to turn up with them anyway. Be prepared to have no relationship with her going forward though.
When did you tell guests this was an absolute rule? When did you tell family? Did you and finance accommodate people with kids in any way knowing people and family you invited with small children had to travel cross country?
Edit: Due to the short notice on a immediate family member you’re already asking to travel, YTA.
Please expand on “babysitting” options because I wouldn’t let a stranger watch my kid either, and families generally aren’t available to babysit at family weddings.
You need to be prepared for your sister to not attend at all. And you need to be supportive and okay with that. Because that’s the position you put her in when you agreed to a child-free wedding.
This is the correct answer.
Some people do not have babysitting options, especially if their usual babysitters are family who will be at the wedding.
You are absolutely entitled to a child free wedding, it’s totally up to you. But you can’t get mad when some people with children are unable to attend because of this.
They didn’t say they were mad. OP said they support their partner.
Sister is probably more bothered by the short notice of it. May have been some assumption as it’s immediate family.
They can do whatever they want for their wedding. No one has to go but them.
Exactly – it’s always get a baby sitting/nanny to watch the kids i.e. a stranger. I find this a really annoying statement.
Children are not pets; children should be settled into any type of childcare, so that they get to know their carer. It’s not like it was in the 80’s or 90’s.
You’re entitled to a child-free wedding, but people without childcare are entitled not to come. Simple.
Look, I get that if you’re the first in a friend group to marry you can have a child-free wedding and dance the night away. However as people start having children, those children need to be babysat. If people travel from out of town they won’t have a babysitter. Family members can have it extra tough because all of their family members are also at the wedding and unavailable.
The best option is to hire an extra room at the venue along with some reputable babysitters (at least two). You could charge a fee to any parent that wants to use the service, booked and paid for in advance. Children can be dropped off before the ceremony, and parents can check in on them throughout the reception.
And I think it’s really important to note that many parents won’t feel comfortable with their kids being babysat, especially if the kids are young or they don’t personally know the babysitter, and that’s equally justification for them not attending.
Love how you refer to your nieces/nephews as “your sister’s kids”. Doesn’t sound like you’re very close. Have a private conversation to tell her they can’t come and if she can’t come as a result, you understand
Remember the wedding in the bad bunny halftime show when kids were centered in family joy? Yeah, so thankful I was born Puerto Rican.
ESH
Your fiancée for being so hardline, knowing that it will likely exclude your sister.
Your sister, for “I’m going to bring them anyway”.
You, for being so passive and not standing up to anyone in the hope that you can avoid being the bad guy. (Spoiler: you can’t)
ETA following OP’s: You, for giving a mother of multiple small children *only two months notice*. Geeez.
Yeah the two months notice was what tipped it for me.
If the sister has already booked things for the wedding with the kids and is only now finding out they can’t go, and have to scramble for a sitter in a different city, I’d be fuming.
And I never bring my kids to weddings, I have zero issue with childfree events. I like a break too! But I amnt going to leave my kids without a babysitter I trust, and that usually takes time and planning.
YTA for only telling her 2 months before. Having a child free wedding is your choice but you should have told people who have to make travel plans for earlier than this.
I’m going to get downvoted here, but I’d go with YTA.
First of all – it’s your right not to invite kids, but if this makes your sister not be in your wedding, it is kind of an asshole move. Also it’s my personal opinion – I don’t get childfree wedding. This should be about family and kids are part of the family.
Second of all – you let her know about “no kids policy” recently after she already committed to go to your wedding across the country and probably made some arrangements already.