So I 22F have been dating "Alex" 25M for 2.5 years. He loves videogames as a collecting hobby. It’s never bothered me as he is a great partner and an attentive father. However recently our schedules have changed and I am now going to bed before he gets home as he gets home at 9:30pm and I have to wake up at 4am for work. We live in a small duplex and don’t have room for his computer anywhere but the bedroom… Facing our bed. He wants to play videogames at night while I’m trying to sleep. With a bright ass screen. Idk what to do. The only time he has to partake in his hobby is at night when I and the kids are sleeping but I CANNOT sleep with any type of lights or sound. It’s keeping me up and driving me mad. So WIBTAH if I told him he can’t play his games?
There’s always space to put a computer outside the bedroom. Sacrifice something else.
NTA – computer and games absolutely has another place to go. Living room. It might look ugly and take up space but you can’t go without sleep.
NAH you both need to compromise. My husband is an atrocious snorer, I have a sleep mask with built in head phones. It covers my eyes and I can play music/listen to a movie as I doze. Maybe this is an option? Also would a room partition be able to fit? Just to block the light. Also maybe set a time limit for him (no gaming past midnight, etc).
YWBTA if you jumped straight to that. I understand because I am a light sleeper and everything bothers me, including lights. I also go to bed early. I purchased a sleep mask from Amazon that has been a game changer. My husband can literally turn on the light in our room and I no longer wake up. It’s given us a lot more freedom to be able to do the things we want and be able to sleep.
ETAH
Understand this is a big hobby of his and it’s important for him to have that time, but it’s also important for you to get proper sleep. Is there another time he could be fitting that time in?
I would have him wear headphones(obviously) and maybe you can try using an eye mask? I think that would be the best trade off if it ends up working for you.
YWBTA if you jumped straight to telling him he can’t game at night anymore without exploring alternatives first. Your feelings are valid and it’s understandable you need your sleep, but you should try to come to a compromise first before just telling him he can’t indulge in his hobby anymore. This could be trying to move the desk around so the light isn’t on you, or trying to make room for the computer in a different room.
On the one hand, boundaries dictate what \*you\* will or will not do. They do not control other people. So in that sense, one partner setting a boundary or rule unilaterally that the other partner cannot do something doesn’t sound great.
On the other hand, WTF did I just read? He expects to play video games with a bright ass screen facing the bed when you need to sleep? No. No loving, respectful partner wants to deprive their partner of sleep every single night.
Why is this even an argument with sides? It should be the two of you against \*the problem\* scenario. You sit down, discuss various problem solving options, agree on which method to try first. I’d say trying sleep mask and ear plugs first but would you hear if the kid(s) needed you? Would he, if he is gaming? So then we go to rearranging the furniture so the computer fits anywhere except the bedroom. And how can we arrange a family schedule where everyone’s needs are met for sleep, for hobby time, for bonding time with kid, etc etc?
NTA for wanting decent sleep. I’m side eyeing the whole relationship dynamic though.
Turn the screen. It’s not rocket science. Rearrange the furniture, get yourself a sleep mask that covers your eyes. There are ways to deal with this as adults.
YWBTA; there’s plenty of ways to compromise with your husband before jumping straight to “You can’t play video games”. You should explore those with him – moving the computer, changing his gaming setup, sleep mask and earplugs for you, etc.
ask him to look into quiet mouse/keyboards, get a room divider or an eye mask. make the compromise before jumping to ‘no more hobby’
Get a sleep mask, he can get a headset so you don’t hear much besides clicking and keyboard tapping. If you really don’t want to do that, then he can move his gaming setup somewhere else in your apartment. Maybe a closet if need be lmao
NAH – you both have needs that are valid, you with sleeping and him with hobby and downtime after work. It’s not fair to either of you to ask the other to suffer. I get both sides because sleep is equally as important to me as having downtime after work (which also includes gaming for me). Gaming, depending on what games, can also be a social outlet for people if they are playing MMO games that have chat or voice comms. It seems you have a few options.
Determine if you actually have no other place to put the PC or if yall just don’t want to inconvenience yourselves by moving a PC set up.
Purchase a good sleep mask and earplugs (not sure on sleep mask but the loop earplugs are fantastic)
Or combination of both.
Good luck, hope y’all can come to a mutual understanding and compromise.
YTA if you just straight-out tell him that he can’t play video games at night.
There needs to be a compromise, not an edict.
You say there’s nowhere else the computer can go, but does that mean there is *absolutely* no other space in the entire duplex? Or just that the bedroom is the most convenient spot for it, and moving it would require rearranging other rooms and moving other furniture?
You say the light and sound bother you – have you tried earplugs/headphones and an eye mask? Actual good ones, and given yourself time to get used to them?
I’m willing to bet there are things you could do to accommodate both your early bed time and his limited hobby time, but just telling him “no more gaming at night” is the easier route for you, so that’s the one you’re defaulting to.
If the screen is the only thing bothering you, maybe a curtain/room devider? Or a sleep mask?