Context: First off, aunt is in quotation marks because she is a very distant aunt, I’m not sure how she is blood related to me. Now, I am a 20F who’s a student who also works. I do not earn a lot, I only work part-time. I have family in DR who are low-income. I’ve gotten asked by my cousin twice for money already. One, to help pay for her phone. Two, for Christmas. I’ve given her money both times.
Today, I get a message from my cousin’s mom. She seems to have confused my name with someone else’s, I received a very random voice message of a list of groceries, and I respond back to her stating I don’t think that was meant for me. She apologizes, asks how I’m doing, and right away asks for money. She says that she needs the money for her eye surgery. I leave her on read. I’m not good with saying no to people, especially in a context such as this.
The reason I feel like saying no is not because I don’t want to help her, but because it would be the third time I’ve been asked for money technically. Even though she herself never asked for money, she has enabled her daughter to ask me before. I don’t feel comfortable always giving out money, and I don’t want others to expect that of me.
What do you think? Do you think I’m being harsh leaving her on read? Should I respond back anything to her?
She won’t stop texting my phone. It’s bothering me and making me anxious. She’s texting me right now as I’m typing this.
NTA. She is spamming your texts and expecting a 20 year old to give her money. This is a distant relative who you are not close with, who is asking you (barely an adult) for money. The requests won’t stop if you give her money now, so do not give her money.
NTA block her. Stop being the family money giver.
If you keep sending them money they will keep coming back for more. Block her.
NTA. I understand if she’s struggling and could use monetary help, but you are not obligated to be the one to provide that help to her. I assume there’s a reason she’s coming to you and not your parents or any of their other siblings and it’s probably because she has exhausted their patience and generosity. Block her.
Hi 😺. First, you’re nta.
2d, by twice giving your cousin money, you’ve unfortunately given her & her mother the expectation of getting money from you every time they ask.
They are like scammers that way. Asking for a little a couple times, then a bigger request later – her groceries. That was not an accident. Your aunt was deliberately testing you to see if you’re OK with a big give after 2 small ones from her kid.
Since the ship has sailed in preventing them from asking for more, what you need to do now is text back, “No. I’m not giving either of you more money. (Please) Stop asking.” The “please” is optional.
Then block both of them immediately after sending. Do not speak on the phone to them. Do not give reasons. Do not say you’re sorry, but…
You may have to do this to flying monkeys if she escalates to other family members. Stay calm, deep breaths. Mute your phone. Don’t be afraid to text them the same message, & to block them if necessary.
Your aunt is wildly out of line asking a struggling student for anything, esp money. She & her daughter have shown themselves to be parasites. Please don’t let them suck you dry.
Good luck with your education. You got this 🤗
NTA. You are a young college student trying to start your life and money at that stage in life is precious and limited. Your aunt and her daughter or any of your extended family are not your responsibility. It’s crazy that they’re asking a college student for money.
Don’t give them any more of your money. Hold on to it and spend it wisely.
If you want to be considerate of a family member and reply, assert your boundaries in the message. You can plainly say you’re only 21 and trying to make your own way and cannot afford to help her, sorry that she is struggling, hope she is able to work something else out, best wishes. The end. And if she doesn’t respect your boundaries, you block her then. But at least you initially acknowledged her as a family member and communicated your boundary clearly.
NTA
That grocery list was probably her asking someone to buy her food. She can save up for her surgery, or ask any other family member, not their 20 yr old niece that doesn’t earn much. Why is an older adult asking a 20 yr old for money? Crazy
Also do not give money to your cousin, they see you give them what they ask for and will continue to be leeches. Actually do not give money to anyone.
NTA. Block her
Love I have an aunt like this. She’s not poor just very bad with money. She would text me with one of her sob stories and when I gave her a little cash one time she realized I was a source of funds and the calls and texts started. I started just avoiding her and when she pointed that out I sent her a text admitting I was because I was tired of guilt and harassment. I couldn’t even say hello to her because I knew a request for funds was coming. The bank of me was closed.
Learning to say no in spit of the guilt trip is something you NEED to learn to do. That she only contacts you for money should offend the hell out of you. She see’s you as her atm not a family member she loves. So you can either block her or tell no….every single time.
NTA, respond you’re not able. Say that to cousin and whoever else asks because you don’t have a big salary and you don’t want to end up in a financial disaster.
You can learn to say no or keep losing either money or relationships. Your choice. Tell them to get more jobs. They’ve gotten this far without your money, they can keep going without your money.
NTA if you actually say no.
Huge mistake giving your “cousin” money for those completely unnecessary things.
No is a complete sentence. Don’t enable them, your kindness is great but don’t let yourself be taken advantage of.