Hey guys, this is my first post so bear with me.
In August, my (23F) friend (22F) gave me a perfume set. I double-checked if it was okay bc I felt bad taking it and explained that I don’t rlly wear perfume. She told me she’d had it since Christmas, wasn’t going to use it, and it had been sitting in her trunk. There was no mention of her trying to sell it at that time, so I saw it as a gift.
At the end of September, she asked for it back, saying she had forgotten she had it on Facebook Marketplace and that someone wanted to buy it. That’s when she told me it originally cost her $292 (the set sells for around $200, but she said she paid more because she bought it around Christmas). I told her I had already used it and that about half was left. I gave her $150 and offered to treat her to dinner sometime soon.
I saw her in early December to catch up and have her see my new apartment. I had planned to at least order us dinner as a treat, but she ended up leaving earlier than I expected, so I wasn’t able to. Since then, she’s mentioned wanting me to come see her new place that she moved into in January. For context, I moved into my apartment in August, and it took her 4 months for her to come and see mine.
Now, about 5 months later, she says I owe her the remaining $142 and that I knew she was trying to sell it when she gave it to me. From my perspective, that wasn’t made clear at the time, and I wouldn’t have taken it if I knew she expected money for it.
During our conversation, she said "only wanting to give it back because im asking you to give me the rest of the money for it is very much entitled to think that’s ok to do, idk i wasn’t raised that way." This comment hurt, especially coming from a friend.
She also brought up past events and implied I’ve been using my mental health as a reason to not see or treat her. She said "i have a lot going on too but i still made it a point to take you out even with everything i had going on i never used that as a way to say i can’t do something any time soon."
I didn’t respond to those points because it felt like the conversation had shifted beyond the issue with the perfume. I had already told her about my mental health over the summer before I even had the perfume, and she knew I’ve been going to therapy and reducing my screen time to focus on myself.
I feel like there was miscommunication, but also that this turned into something more than just the perfume.
So AITA for not paying the remaining $142?
**TL;DR:** My friend gave me perfume that I assumed was a gift. She then asked for it back a month later bc she said someone wanted to buy it so I gave her $150 and said I’d get us dinner one day. I saw her in December briefly and didn’t have the time to get us dinner. Now she’s asking for the remaining $142 except she’s calling me entitled and implying I wasn’t raised right and that I’m using my mental health as an excuse to not see or treat her. AITA?
NTA in the slightest, insane for her to think it was OK to ask for it back under any circumstances after gifting it to you. You did *way* more than enough to make it up to her, when it wasn’t even your problem to solve. She sounds like a very self-centered friend.
NTA but I don’t think the perfume is the real issue here. Best wishes for your mental health, I hope you’ll feel better soon!
NTA and you need to communicate very clearly that she gave you something, that at no point did she say she was selling it to, i.e. were you offering to buy it.
NTA she offered something without disclosing that she expected payment for it and only brought it up after she got an offer from someone else to buy it. This implies that she most likely didn’t expect anything in return until she realized she could’ve got money. Giving her $150 was more than generous. She is being the definition of an Indian Giver (which I’m sure isn’t PC anymore but that’s the only term I know for it). You are not entitled for accepting a GIFT. She is entitled for thinking you owe her the full value of the set after not disclosing that when she offered it.
NTA. Your mistake was giving her anything.
If she gave it to you and didn’t at all mention a price she wanted for it, and you took it with no understanding she was selling it and wanted money, and on top of that you’d have never paid that much for a perfume set otherwise because you rarely use perfume, then you’re absolutely NTA and she’s being completely unreasonable.
She’s also being unnecessarily nasty to imply you weren’t raised right and bringing up other issues she’s clearly been holding onto for a while
NTA. It sounds like the narrative changed once she realized she could get money for it. There’s no way she was getting the full $292 back, and you even giving her the $150 was way nicer than you had to be.
NTA. You don’t “forget” you’re actively selling something and then act shocked later. If it was a sale, she should’ve said that from the start. And asking for the “remaining balance” months later and making it personal is weird. It’s perfume, not a freaking car loan.
NTA and this isn’t a good friend. You don’t owe her money and it might be worth re-evaluating the friendship when she’s using things like your mental health against you.
Kind of feels like your friend is trying to scam you.
NTA. She’s buggin. And ain’t no way perfume is more expensive during the holidays.
Nta. She’s trying to manipulate you. Don’t even pretend to fall for it.
NTA. With friends like this no wonder you’re struggling with mental health.
ignore her. get a new friend.