Throwaway because my husband’s side of the family is on Reddit.
I (29F) have been married to my husband, Alex (31M) for 6 years. We bought a small 2 bdrm townhouse together last year. I work from home 4 days a week so my office is the second bedroom.
Alex’s parents’ house needs major renovations after some water damage in the floor and walls. The work is supposed to take 2 months and they don’t want to pay for an Airbnb or hotel. My MIL asked if they could stay in our spare room. Alex immediately said yes without talking to me first. When I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that, he got upset and said they’re going to stay no matter what.
I explained that I work from home most days and need the second bedroom as my actual office. Having two extra people here would mean I lose my quiet workspace. I offered to help them find a short term rental and chip in.
He’s been sleeping on the couch the last two nights and keeps saying “I can’t believe you’re making me choose between you and my parents.”
I feel like shit because I do love them and I know they’re in a tough spot. Am I the asshole for putting my foot down?
He definitely should have asked you first
NTA You have a child for a husband. He needs to learn that he is married to you rather than suckling on his momma’s teet still. He absolutely cannot make unilateral decisions that wreck your career.
NTA and as I read it, you aren’t making him choose, he’s already chosen and you’re simply telling him the consequences.
leave his ass on the couch and go consult a divorce lawyer because he’s still not hearing you
NTA
You don’t have a spare bedroom. You have one bedroom and an office for work.
NTA. You have the right to refuse; it’s your house as much as it’s his. He’s manipulative. You don’t ask him to choose between you and his parents. He made a mistake not consulting you and he has to fix it.
NTA. Where are you meant to work for two months?
You offered a solution, and your partner is sulking, even though he is the one who messed up by making a unilateral decision, which is unacceptable. Did he even suggest your offer to them?
He is also being ridiculously melodramatic by saying you are ”*making him choose*”.
You need to sit down together and talk about what to do without any of this pouty nonsense. If he can’t do that, you have a bigger problem than the in-laws.
. . .
Edited punctuation.
NTA that was rude as hell that your husband didn’t discuss it with you first. I doubt he is mad at your reasoning and more so is mad that now he has to figure out how to take back the invite without looking like a jerk who gave away his wife’s work space without discussing it with her first.
He may be trying to find a way where he is not seen as the bad one. But it will definitely make her the bad person.
If the damage is covered under their homeowners insurance policy, their insurance carrier may put them up in a hotel. It is worth a phone call, that is for sure. Good luck. I hope everything works out.
“they don’t want to pay for an Airbnb or hotel”
NTA. I’m highly curious what their insurance policy payouts regarding expenses when the homeowner can’t stay in the home.
Yeah, either they don’t have insurance, or the insurance thinks they can live in the house while the work is being done, or they think they can keep the money the insurance would give them for a hotel.
Most insurance policies pay for a hotel or short term rental.
Wouldn’t their insurance cover accomodation?
Tell him this can only work if he rents you an office for those two months and pays for it out of his fun money. If you can’t do that, an Airbnb would do. You need to have quiet time, a desk to place your things, presumably a printer etc.
Or he can put on his big boy pants, tell his parents he agreed before asking you whether this could be made to work, and tell them to contact their insurance.
His parents can put on THEIR big boy/girl pants and figure out their own accommodation.
And if he manipulates you into letting his parents stay, don’t you dare cook for them and host them. You are not at home, you’re at the office. You are not available for entertainment. Or to drive them around, to make them meals, to grocery shop. You are at work and any attempts to interrupt you must be stopped immediately.
Your husband doesn’t respect your job, and that is the biggest problem here.
NTA, and fight for your office.