My dad died over two decades ago. He was a mechanic and had all nice tools, even by today’s standards. My narcissistic mom tried to sell them while I was away. You can use pliers, screwdrivers, wrenches, and other tools around the house. Every time I use them, I fondly remember my dad and all of the good times we had together, fixing our cars and things around the house.
My cousin was working on an old car and didn’t have many good tools. I thought, "Well, no one is using these tools and they could be put to good use, restoring that car." His wife and I didn’t get along well until a few years ago. Something happened, I took the high road, and helped her out. Now we get along. But, I think if something happened to my cousin, she would sell off his tools and stuff, my dad’s tools included. So, I took pictures of them and printed out a little contract saying, "These are my tools and if something should happen to (my cousin), please return them to me."
My cousin knows how close I was to my dad. The whole family loved my dad. He got a little pissy when I asked him to sign the paper. I calmly explained to him, just like I did to you. I told him if it was such a big deal to him, I’d just not loan him the tools. I didn’t want something to come between us. He said, "No, that’s okay. I’ll sign it." I know he’s used the tools on that car.
I’ve tried several times to ask him to hang out. I drive a 70-mile round trip every time to go see him, because he doesn’t want to be bothered to drive into the city. Every time I text him, he says "no" with some excuse and a salty undertone. I texted him this week, reminding him that he was supposed to contact me, and he blatantly says that he knows that he was supposed to contact me.
Finally, I’m like, "Hey, I haven’t seen you since I lent you my dad’s tools. It’s been over a year. What’s going on?" He goes off about me having him sign that paper. Last time I saw him, I was late when I met him (at his place). I take care of my elderly mom and sometimes, things happen. I apologized about it and explained what happened. He knows that I take care of her, but he doesn’t get it because he put his elderly mom in a home and walked away.
I’ve put up with him being passive-aggressive about not meeting up for quite a while. He texted me and said, "We don’t need to see each other. We can just talk on the phone." WTH? My family is dying off every year and I’m trying to stay in contact with who I have left, but I’m tired of this. I told him to just give me back the tools and we don’t ever have to talk again.
I feel like no good deed goes unpunished. AITA?
NTA but this is a good lesson – actually two! 1. Don’t try to do people favors they don’t ask for. It weirdly rarely ends well. 2. Don’t lend money or items you care about getting back. That also rarely ends well. I’m sorry about your family 😢
Thank you for your kind words. I agree with you. We were close when we were kids. I’ve had a family member die every year for the last 12 years and I think it’s beginning to affect me.
I always try to do “the right thing”, but yeah, I think I need to start rethinking that.
Get your tools back.
He said that he will take the steps to return them. However, he’s never driven into the city to see me, so I’m getting this bad feeling that this is going to become an issue. I hope I’m wrong.
The steps for him to return them involve handing them over when you’re at his house.
Yep, my mind is beginning to spin on this now. I stared at the text, “I’ll return them to you,” wondering how it’s going to happen. I was going to suggest something in a return text, but he was just being such an AH. I thought it best to give it a week or two, which I think would be plenty of time, and see what happens.
I really hope that this doesn’t turn out that I have to take him to court with that contract, because that’s not what I ever intended to happen. The contract was more like me saying, “Hey, these are my tools, not his.”
Text him you’ll be there at a specific date and time to pick up your tools.
I think you’re right. I told this to one of my other cousins and he said, “Make him drive in to the city to give them back to you.” I don’t think upsetting him further is a good idea. I can get the tools back, then let the chips fall where they may.
Yup. Just do it. Sooner the better.
What’s this “court” thing? Show up and don’t leave until you have your tools. Simple as that. You’re putting way too much weight into that “contract” which may or may not actually hold up.
Go get them. Longer you wait the less likely you will get them back.
I lend my tools to no one, ever. I will fix things for them, but lend, nope
Lesson I learned early. Never loan your tools.
You want to borrow a wrench? I’ll need your car keys and your wallet.
Seriously, get those tools back if they’re not already gone. Your cousin is ready to drift apart from you. NTA.