Last weekend my mom(41f) went out of town for the weekend while my step dad (50M) invited over his friend Joey for the weekend so they could go biking. I am 16F and was working over the weekend so I didn’t think anything of it. My mom said Joey would be staying in the upstairs bedroom and since she was out of town assumed he would use that bathroom. My bedroom and bathroom are in the basement and I am responsible for keeping it clean. Getting home from work Saturday I go to shower when I see Joey’s stuff is in my bathroom and the toilet is UN-FLUSHED! A GROWN MAN DIDN’T FLUSH. The fan wasn’t turned on and the smell was so bad I decided not to shower and just changed before leaving for a concert. I got back late and was too tired to shower so I went to bed and planned to shower in the morning. I got up early to shower but after brushing my teeth I got a text from my step dad "Joey has his stuff in your bathroom were you planning on using it this morning?" I was annoyed my step dad didn’t mention him using the bathroom till a day after but I decided to not shower since Joey’s stuff was already in my bathroom. When I got home Joey’s damp towels were on the ground and the sink was dirty from toothpaste so I cleaned before I showered. That night I asked my step dad "Next time you let someone use my bathroom can you let me know?" He responded that "It’s not my bathroom!" and said he let his friend choose what bathroom to use. I walked away since I was annoyed and we haven’t finished the discussion since they left to Mexico for a week. While in Mexico my mom called me for an hour complaining about Joey and how horrible he’s been to his gf. Joey lives far away and only my step dad knows him well. My mom wasn’t sure if she should say something to him since he was ruining the trip. My main issue is an old man I don’t know being in my space without my mother even in the home. It doesn’t make sense why he chose to use mine since he was also staying upstairs and much closer to that bathroom. Whenever I’ve had people over I’ve had them use my bathroom. Why didn’t my step dad show him where to put his towels or ask him to turn on the fan? Why wasn’t I let known before hand? I’m also annoyed with his comment that "It’s not my bathroom." Since I use it daily, decorated it, painted it, and am the only one who cleans it. Cleaning this bathroom includes me cleaning the fully sized urinal despite me not using it as a female and washing all towels. I’m feeling very disrespected from my step dad. Previously I complained about my step father going #2 so often in my bathroom and he admitted he only went downstairs so my mom wouldn’t have to smell it but why should I have to smell it? They are returning tonight and I’d like to know if I should press the matter further or apologize.
Extra info update:
This is my first post so sorry the format is bad. The bathroom is not connected to my bedroom but it is right by it. I didn’t see step dad or Joey all weekend and was in no danger. My step dad has been better about using the upstairs bathroom since I had my mom talk to him. When I first confronted my step dad it was in front of my mom and she didn’t say anything before I walked away. We called on her trip and she agreed to talk to my step dad about it since after seeing his behavior on this trip she finds it weird too. I’m not sure if she’s talked to my step dad yet since they are flying back currently. My step dad used the excuse I met him before but I couldn’t even remember it until they specified he came over with his gf and daughter multiple years ago. I didn’t remember him at all and have never spoken to him so he feels like a stranger.
Tell your mum. She will back you up. This behaviour of two adult men is not acceptable.
Your title is misleading. You aren’t mad he used the bathroom. You’re mad he’s so disgusting and immature and he doesn’t clean up after himself.
I’m also upset in general since I don’t know him at all. I don’t want the bathroom that I clean to be the “guest bathroom.” He’s a stranger to me and shouldn’t be in my space.
Your stepdad and his friend are AHs. I would address the mess and smell Joey made to your stepdad in front of your mum. I also thinking’s inappropriate he’s using a teenagers bathroom which is in her living space when there is another option upstairs. NTA
As a solo parent, WHAT TF IS WRONG WITH YOUR MOM?! Who leaves their teen daughter home alone with a grown man no one else knows?! Jesus Christ. She needs to step up as a parent and ensure your wellbeing.
NTA
1. why would he use the bathroom that’s further away from his room, especially if the other one is not being used. they shouldn’t even let him pick.
2. I don’t like they are making a 16yo female share a bathroom with a grown man, if there are alternatives
3. regardless of which bathroom, he should clean up after himself, thats just nasty
NTA Tell your mom now so she can talk to your step dad as soon as possible. I would not be ok If you were my daughter in this situation and would have wanted to know at once so i could stop it.
Edit About the stepdad using your bathroom, has that stopped now or is he still using it?
A grown man choosing to go out of his way to use a young lady’s bathroom is creepy asf. Your SD allowing it to go down like that is shitty, but so is his general behaviour and attitude as you’ve described it.
Tell your mum this has made you uncomfortable and that you don’t want other people in your private space without your permission.
NTA it’s alarming that he was downstairs in your personal space. It’s alarming your stepdad thinks that was ok (men are often couples annoy how dangerous their friends are to the women in their lives – their cluelessness is not an excuse!). Even if it was just him using and messing your bathroom that’s still wrong.
nta. your step dad let a stranger trash your space and then had the nerve to say it’s not yours?? the man who uses your bathroom to spare your mom.. chose you instead. that’s the whole story.
NTA. Why is a grown man choosing to use a bathroom mostly used by a teenager then to use the bathroom next to his room. That’s so gross of him and so disrespectful of your stepdad to allow it. Call that gross man out. Also start shitting in their bathroom and not flushing. They can get the same treatment they give out.
I think you should speak to your mum first. Explain how:
– you spoke with step dad and he dismissed your feelings , minimised your valid concerns about needing a head up and then claimed the bathroom isn’t yours.
– Step dad’s friend has very poor hygiene, which you had to clean up, left the bathroom cluttered and was generally not a good guest.
And ask her to speak with step dad and get him to understand that:
– Having a unfamiliar man in your space should at least warrant a discussion and permission saught beforehand. Due to safety aspects.
– He should check spaces used by his guests and clean up after them.
– He should listen to your concerns and apologise for not doing so beforehand.
I’d tell your mom. Using your bathroom sounds to me like someone has a kink. I say this because why use a bathroom out of their way? Why use the bathroom and not flush unless to show dominance. That sounds extremely bizarre. Anyone ever back ground check either fella? If not…. I’d raise a question why you would put a “teenage girl” in that situation.
I would probably ask an officer if they can run a check on step dad, and provide examples to justify it. I’ll better step daddy and his buddy are not clean.
This grown ass man, I’m assuming around 50 Yr old, didn’t want to share a bathroom with another grown ass man. Instead, he would rather go all the way to the basement to share a bathroom with an underage girl. And your step dad let him??!! Did he really think that was remotely appropriate?
Never mind the disgusting mess! He specifically went out of his way to share a bathroom with you. His friend’s 16 Yr old step daughter. That’s predatory behaviour! What if you’d come home from work early and you were in the shower when he walked in to use the bathroom? Do you need to go into your room to get to the bathroom? If so, what if you were changing when he needed the toilet?
Tell your Mum. She needs to know what’s going on when she’s not there.