I was in the trio with these 2 girls I’ll call them South and North. I’d known North for years, but only got close to both of them when we became a trio in high school. We had a falling out over the summer due to poor communication, but we talked it through and agreed to be more honest, if something bothered us. One big plan, we talked about all summer was going to wonderland together, I had never been and it was something I was really excited to experience with them even when other people were loosely added to the idea. The original plan was always the 3 of us. About a week after my birthday dinner, I found that South and North went to wonderland without me, they didn’t tell me beforehand or invite me, I only found out after they came back, I wasn’t upset that they hung out, in general, I was hurt that they went to the one place we had specifically planned to go together and didn’t even mention it. It made me feel excluded and question, whether they still liked me. I cried for a few days and admittedly spiraled. When north returned, I spoke to her privately, I didn’t want to build resentment, I explained that I felt hurt about wonderland. She said she personally wouldn’t have felt that way but understood if it made me feel distant and that she’d work to get back to where we were if I put in effort too. When I asked if we were okay, she said "That’s up to you," which made me feel like my feelings were being brushed off. A few days later, South texted, asking if I was upset about wonderland, I asked to talk in person. When I explained my feelings, She became defense and said they didn’t have to tell me anything. I’m not confrontational, so I backed down and even apologized for feeling hurt. I asked her not to ignore me because I wasn’t going to ignore her. The week after, both of them started ignoring me completely, no eye contact, no conversation. A few days later, they unfollowed me on social media. I felt devastated and blamed myself for everything. In December after returning from being sick. I learned someone had written mean things on my name during a school event and place it on the locker of someone I don’t get along with, but South and North are friends of that person. I reportes it. Afterward, they mocked me and called me over dramatic, all I did was communicate that I thought hurt about being left out of a plan we made together so, AITA?
I told my friends I was hurt they went to Wonderland without me, and now they’re ignoring me and mocking me AITA for speaking up?
NTA. These two are NOT your friends. They are probably only making the few apologies they are because they don’t want to feel bad. I am sorry you are hurt but you sound like you are a teenager and the teenage years can be rough. Please ignore them and try to make other friends who will treat you better.
These are not your friends, nor are they nice people. Please find yourself some other friends who treat you with the respect and kindness you deserve. These girls have treated you badly; please don’t try to re-engage if they look in your direction. They don’t merit your attention.
I get that high school is a jungle and it can feel impossible to connect with a different friend group, but you can do this. Please stop blaming yourself for being hurt, and for trying to communicate about your feelings. And if the bullying continues, keep reporting it. It is not dramatic or inappropriate to do so.
NTA
Feelings are valid, they’re not about logic or rationality, you’re not some kind of freak for expressing your feelings. It’s reasonable to express emotions. It’s not reasonable to act out on emotions. So no, NTA. Now initially I don’t think North was brushing you off at first, but the fact South texted you after means they were talking behind your back, and now that they’re just kind of disposing of you, honestly good riddance. Go to wonderland by yourself, clearly they never valued you, of they’re going to cut you off over your expression of self worth. That’s a trait I value in people, it’s rare, I like almost no one, everyone’s got their mask on and I don’t respect it, people who can constructively show real genuine emotions, that’s a deep, and valuable quality. Take a breather, then find a better crowd.
Info needed: is wonderland a place thats available to go to year round or is it like a weekend festival?
Overall I’d say NTA, they generally sound like mean girls especially if they’re going to get defensive over you communicating your feelings and call you overdramatic after you were clearly bullied.
Portland OR has a large artsy thing annually called Wonderland. A nickname for part of OR is *Wonderland*
Annually
Well I’m just wondering if it’s a thing that only occurs for a short time once a year or something, then why wouldn’t OP bring it up again and try to make plans while it was going on? But also that would for sure make the friends TA because they talked about going together then just randomly excluded OP from their plans.
If it’s just a go any time deal, then yeah it sucks that OP wasn’t included but it’s not like they couldn’t all go again together.
Either way her friends still sound like AH. I knew girls like that in HS and theyd act like your friend but talk shit behind your back, exclude people from things, etc. It just never made sense to me.
Annually
They are assholes. They purposefully left you out of this trip that you planned to do for the three of you, and then fully dismissed your feelings about it. They simply do not want to be your friends.
I’ve gone through a very similar situation before. I had my own North who I had been friends with for a long time, and then a new friend “South” joined our friend group. Eventually, South started making fun of me and excluding me, with the rest of my friends joining in. As someone who has been removed from this situation and has had time to think about it, your problem stems from the “I was in the trio” mentality. This way of tying yourself to people makes it harder to distance yourself from bad friends and could lead to you being trapped in bad friend groups in the first place. I’m probably reading too far into this, but I have been in similar plights before and think that it’s important to see where you went wrong in situations, even if you are NTA.