I (27F) and my husband (30M) have two kids: a 4-year-old daughter (turning 5 soon) and a 1-year-old son.
For our daughter’s 5th birthday, we surprised her with a trip to Disney. She was over the moon when we told her. We decided not to bring our 1-year-old because we want this to be special one-on-one time for her, and realistically, traveling with a fussy toddler would make it harder for her to fully enjoy the trip. My parents happily agreed to keep our son at their house while we’re gone.
When we told our daughter about the trip, we also told her we could afford to bring one other person. We thought it would be nice for her to have a cousin close to her age to share the experience with. On my husband’s side, he has siblings with kids:
• His sister has two daughters (12 and 9).
• His brother has a son the same age as our daughter and a newborn daughter.
All the nieces and nephews adore us and call me “Auntie,” even before I married into the family. I truly have no issues with any of them going.
We let our daughter choose who she wanted to invite, and she picked her 9-year-old cousin (I’ll call her Stella). Stella’s mom (my sister-in-law) thought it was incredibly sweet and has no problem with Stella going alone.
The issue is with some extended family members on my husband’s side. They think it’s unfair that we’re only taking Stella and not the other cousins. The thing is, we simply cannot afford to take all of them. We also wanted someone close enough in age to our daughter to make it fun and balanced.
For context, this is the same extended family that has previously shamed me for formula feeding both of my kids instead of breastfeeding, calling me a bad mom for it. So there’s already some tension there.
My husband, his siblings, and even my in-laws are all on my side. My husband thinks we should cut ties with the extended family altogether because of how they’ve treated me. But I can’t help feeling like maybe they’re right this time and that I’m being unfair to the other nieces and nephew.
So… AITA for only taking one niece to Disney and not all of them?
NTA thanks any extended family member that feel entilted to your money for paying for the others nephews&nieces disney trip, watch them backtrack fast
Tell the other family members who think that you are being unfair to organize a go fund me to pay for the extra kids or pay out of their own pockets and you’ll be happy to bring them along. Otherwise, they need to mnd their own business.
i was skeptical about the choosing of one of the cousins but the MOM saying it was sweet and completely fine with the choice of one of her kids is what solidified that you are NTA.
had SHE been huffish then i could see the problem but the fact its literally those who dont matter in this scenario…well thats a them problem. just because you’re family, doesnt mean everyone needs to get along and do things with each other. she chose who she liked the best. thats that. theres nothing wrong with that at all. clearly she has good taste for not choosing them lol
NTA. If they want to pay for all the kids to go, let them pay for all the kids to go on a Disney trip. But that still doesn’t mean it has to be THIS trip for your daughter’s birthday.
Listen, I am queen of making things fair and not leaving kids out. But you are already leaving a child of your own behind to focus on the birthday girl. You are keeping it small to make it affordable. If it’s not affordable it won’t happen.
Enjoy the day with your daughter and don’t worry about what they say.
Yeah, that makes sense. I didn’t want to bring a fussy 1 year old to Disney when he would not even remember the trip anyway. Lately, we have had to focus a bit more attention on our son because he is a baby, and I really want this to be something special just for our daughter. She is going to love having all of our attention for once.
I also thought it would be nice for her to bring someone her own age so she could fully enjoy it without feeling like it is just a trip with her parents. So we let her choose, and she picked her favorite cousin. Honestly, I think most kids have a favorite cousin. It just worked out that way.
I wish people would stop trying to invite themselves on other people’s vacations. It’s gross.
NTA. Disney is expensive, they have a lot of nerve to expect y’all to take all of the cousins.
NTA. WTF are you responsible for taking everyone ‘s kids? Sometimes it isn’t about inclusion, it’s about finances, and you owe your niblings nothing but love, not money.
Nta-I agree with your husband you need to cut contact.
Would a 5yr old and a 9 yr old like the same stuff? Just asking.
NTA for wanting to take a cousin close in age but if I was the 12 year old I would be pissed and think you were an asshole
YTA for saying you want one on one time with your daughter, then taking another kid along instead of the other kid that’s actually yours.
Your reasoning doesn’t make any sense. First, you want one on one time, then you want to take another kid close in age, but actually, you’re doing neither of those things.
The rest of the family are obviously being unreasonable, expecting other kids to go, but honestly ESH.
The other kid is a 1 year old. A literal baby.
Also, wanting to take another child is 100% fine, the child is in age range and her daughter CHOSE to bring Stella.
Having 1-on-1 time with your older child while you have a baby can be tough. Babies require a bunch of attention, especially while at a place like Disney. So the parents taking the 5 year old and then a cousin is perfectly fine.
NTA. It’s your trip and you get ito choose who you bring along.
But since this is a frequent theme in the sub, lemme tell you. I was about 9 when my grandparents took my cousin to Tenerife with them. Even then, I understood life isn’t fair and I can’t have everything. But from that moment on, I knew my place. I wasn’t angry or resentful. But I had clear as day evidence that if grandma had to choose, she would not choose me. As a 40+ woman now, I would never do this to siblings or cousins. If I were in a situation like this, I would pick a friend outside the family, or not bring a friend at all. Your child will have a wonderful time regardless.