So, I am a teen athlete and I know I will have the most important tournaments in May and June this year, but my mom is/was planning a trip during that same time to a nice place, plus her anniversary, birthday and my birthday fall around that time too. Now, the dates for the tournaments haven’t come out yet but my coach told to avoid early and late may, dates trends suggest I should entirely avoid going out in may, and june.
I have been training really hard, focusing on my sport a lot the past ~2 years and I don’t wanna lose the chance to compete in these matches, they are lowkey nationals and national selections and all. But my mom doesn’t get it.
My mother takes everything as a personal attack and says that tournaments are just excuses and if I don’t wanna go I should just say that. (I mostly do, but my parents and I do fight everytime we go).
She repeatedly got mad. I asked her if we could go in end of April- after cooperating with me on that too for a while, she again got mad and said I have a problem with everything. She initially also proposed june 1st week and now says that we just won’t go and stuff. By the way, the tickets in April end are cheaper than June 1st week, so that’s not an issue either.
It seems like she just doesn’t respect me as an athlete and tbh now I am scared that she might not even let me go out of station for my tournaments that time.
What should I do? I am in the right or in wrong?
Edit: Forgot to mention this but she also keeps calling me a sulker and loner for loakey being in my room half the day (and just studying there perpetually) and she said that she wouldn’t make any travel plans with me again (she says things like that when she is mad but doesn’t usually mean it-mean it) and turned all this into how daughters are supposed to be their moms’ best friends and all.
NTA – what parent doesn’t support their kids’ sporting endeavours? Especially given how much training and effort you’ve put into it. Your mom sounds immature and may have other issues going on that make her react this way. It’s not a you problem it’s a her problem, she sounds like a nightmare
😭 she is not that bad tbh but I get what you’re saying
Nta. If you’ve been doing sports for several years she should have known that championships and finals (or whatever, I don’t know anything about sports) were coming up. Can you get your coaches involved. Can anybody offer to have you stay at their house while they go on vacation?
She says other people wouldn’t keep me cause nobody can tolerate having me around and stuff plus it would be impractical and inconvenient for me too and also she refuses to travel without me for some reason
Oh for eff sake. That’s just abuse at this point. I’m sure people can stand you and tolerate having you around. How is it impractical and inconvenient if you’re staying with a friend from school? Because that’s what I meant.
Will you be 18 by May/June?
NAH
Your mom does not want her life totally dictated by your extra curricular activities as it IS impacting her personal life also (birthday, anniversary). My sister went through this with my niece when she made it to a highly competitive travel team. As it was not going to pay for college, it lasted exactly one year until my niece got her drivers license.
You want to enjoy the fruits of your hard work for your sport.
Anniversaries and birthdays are pretty date specific. Your suggestion that she just plan a different month is a bit self-centered.
Unsure of your age, but is there another trusted adult that can take you to your tournaments if they fall on her birthday/anniversary trip dates? You can suggest your parents make these trips “couples” trips, might smooth out some feathers.
NTA, don’t blame yourself for ruining anything. Your sport matters to you, you said you trained hard so of course the tournaments are important to you. Your parents should be in your corner and find ways to work around the dates of your tournaments. Continuing to argue with your mom about this doesn’t sound productive though. If you have another adult that you trust to discuss this with and get more personal advice, you could do that.
NTA – She’s your mother and can act like an adult with scheduling, especially if she wanted to display any investment in her child’s endeavors/passion/future. The tournaments cannot seemingly be rescheduled and are impactful. The other items can seemingly be flexible (even cheaper).
She historically knows your schedule and yet chooses the times most inconvenient for it. Is there a reason? Anything expressed by her that in this time, that only happens once in your lifetime, that birthdays and such cannot be flexible?
I may seem cold, but I’ve worked every holiday some years, “rescheduled” Christmas, so on. The time spent was meaningful, despite the date. On the other hand, the needs for which I was working were not negotiable. Not flexible. But two logical humans should be able to (or a family) discuss a reasonable solution. In my honest opinion, I’d prioritize my child’s journey and needs. This is not forever, but not worth not considering moving dates such that you aren’t jeopardized in your sport permanently.
Adjusting dates can be a win-win, an even bigger celebration in the long run, when all can focus and care for each other properly. Respect.
NTA
Years of training and just letting that go would feel devastating. I’m not sure why your mom is being mad at you for trying to improve as a person and compete even. Parents should be supportive of the good their kids are doing. It’s kinda understandable from her side but all the celebrations can just be rescheduled and the tournaments can’t. Tough situation to be in. Having another deep talk about this should hopefully move things along for both of you:)
I think there is a lot of missing perspective here so can’t really answer yet.
Is the trip something that MUST happen before June? Can it be pushed out or moved up with no impact to the trip? Maybe there are things that can’t be done outside of that small timeline (maybe there are other conflicts?).
I would say, as you’re still young and growing, recognize that your mom (and everyone) has more on their plate than you can ever really know. It sounds like she’s trying her best to do something special with you and that deserves some credit.
As far as the tournament / sport event – Can’t you try and get more information? Typically, most regional sporting events are planning months / years in advance so dates should be solidified soon (at least in general, not necessarily your matches / games / events).
Tell your mom you love her. Communicate with her. It sounds like you’re really busy with your school work and just being open and honest about your time constraints so she’s aware. Don’t take things personally, you both want the best for one another so don’t forget that.
Good luck OP, I think you guys will figure it out.
I live in a country where even federation national dates are announced merely 1.5 months prior.
Also, my mother and I don’t communicate well, she probably wouldn’t listen to me you know, it’s not like I haven’t tried communicating before and tbh it kinda scares me to freely talk with her and explain my things to her atp.
> daughters are supposed to be their moms’ best friends and all.
No they aren’t! Where did she get that from?
Parents of teens who do sports or other similar activities basically have to rearrange their lives around the kid’s competition schedule, it’s a well-known fact. NTA
NTA. She can schedule the trips (apparently to combine the birthdays etc) and you can stay at home (or with friends or relatives, depending on your age and situation) so you can compete in your sport. Try to minimize participating in any quarrels – just say “I can’t go then because of my sport, but I hope you and Dad enjoy yourself. Try to make it sound like you’re working out what’s best for everyone.
And don’t worry so much about the “we aren’t best friends like mothers and daughters should be”. Not all mothers and daughters are best friends, although most of them manage some kind of affectionate relationship, especially when the daughters get out of their teens. I swear teen-aged daughters and their mothers almost always quarrel.