I (23M) run a small coffee shop that I’ve poured my entire savings and soul into. It’s my dream, but it’s also fragile, one bad month and I’m scrambling to keep the lights on. My cousin (26M) has been struggling to find work. He asked me to hire him, saying family should help family. The problem is, he has a history of being unreliable. He’s been fired from multiple jobs for showing up late, calling out constantly, and clashing with managers. I’ve seen it firsthand at family events, he’ll promise to help set up, then disappear until the food is ready. I told him I can’t risk my business on someone who doesn’t take responsibility seriously, maybe later when the business is more stable but not right now. He exploded, saying I’m “turning my back on blood” and acting like I’m better than him. My parents are siding with him, saying I should give him a chance because “he just needs someone to believe in him.”
Now I feel torn. I don’t want to be the villain who abandoned family, but I also can’t jeopardize everything I’ve worked for. AITA for refusing to hire my cousin?
NTA, if family means never having to worry about showing up on time, I think I’ll stick to my coffee beans instead of my cousin!
NTA. If it comes up again, just say you don’t mix business and family. Every good business owner would advise against it.
Yes! Most large companies have policies against hiring relatives into positions where they report to a family member. Some completely forbid it.
NTA.
NTA
Your financial future depends on it and “family can’t fire family”.
Do not hire your cousin. Being a member of a family doesn’t mean you have to risk your business on another family member with a long history of poor work habits. Maybe you’ll be doing him a favour by pointing out bluntly that his behaviour makes him unemployable, maybe not (because he won’t accept that explanation), but either way, NTA.
Actually, although some family businesses do succeed with competent family members working together, there are so many more in which family relationships get in the way of the relationships needed to keep a business running. And that’s when the people involved are competent and reliable.
NTA, it would be funny though to tell him you’re struggling and appreciate him coming to work for free. you know, to help family and all. When he asks for pay, act disgusted, how dare you try to profit off family, how could you turn your back on blood?
NTA, the fallout could be even worse if you did hire him, he wouldn’t take the job seriously and then you’d have to fire him and deal with all the pushback and opinions about that. You’re not being mean to family, you’re protecting your business that you’re pouring your heart into.
NTA. Don’t employ this guy. If he was a stranger with these unfavorable references you would never hire him. As you said, your business is new a fragile why would you strain it with bad employee. Your cousin is already entitled and running a bad campaign against you among the family members what makes you think that he will listen to you at work or be in any way beneficial for your business? Imagine if you hire him, he does badly and then you need to fire him. Your family would be even more angry than they are now.
NTA.
You are right not to hire him. He will think he can get away with more BECAUSE he is a relative and you wouldn’t fire him.
His track record shows he is not serious about working. You and your business cannot afford him.
NTA. Never mix business with family as it’s a recipe for disaster.
NTA
You are not “acting like you are better” than him.
You are acting like you invested your life savings into a business that requires dependability, courtesy, good people skills, and ability to control one’s emotions, all of which he has demonstrated he lacks. And therefore, hiring him would be a major risk to your brand new business.
Also his response of “blowing up” at you when you told him why you couldnt hire him, substantiates that you have made the right decision, and confirms he has not learned from being fired due to clashing with others. If he cant get along with you and react in a mature way while he is trying to convince you to hire him, is further proof he would not be able to conduct himself appropriately, if you did hire him. He has proven that you made the right decision.
Being family doesnt mean he should be hired when he has demonstrated he cannot/will not fulfill the responsibilities of the position.
For those saying you should give him a chance. You did give him a chance, you had a conversation and he didnt like what you said so he blew up at you. Which is the same thing he would do if you hired him, only worse because if you hired him he would feel he could act any way towards customers and towards you because he already had the job. If he cant be non combative and not blow up before being hired, he certain wont be better if you hired him. that is all the evidence you need. You cannot risk that.
NTA – don’t risk your dream on someone else. If your parents feel so strongly about it. They can hire him.
Useful rule of thumb for AITA: The person saying “family helps family” is always the AH. I can’t recall ever seeing an exception. NTA
NTA. “Dude, I’ve personally seen your work ethic for years at family events, and I’m not going to hire you.”