One of my closest friends call me constantly to vent about the same problems but never takes advices or tries to change anything. I finally told them I can’t keep being their therapist and need space. Now they say I abandoned them during a hard time. AITA?
NTA
Your needs are just as valid and you have set an important boundary there. Especially in dynamics like the one you describe this can feel like abandonment for the main beneficiary.
You literally gave us nothing, but based on the detail that they don’t listen to your advice NTA. I had a friend like this in college. I cut them off cuz they always did the same BS and never heeded the good advice I gave
Nta, this is the equivalent of “I burned my house down” “don’t light a fire and fall asleep” “but I love a warm home. Imma keep doing it anyway” while you should be there for friends and family if someone isn’t taking active steps towards helping themselves then it’s not your job to be there to listen to the same broken record
NTA. One sided friendships that are emotionally draining need boundaries. Especially if they’re unwilling to change.
nah you’re not wrong for this. theres a difference between being a good friend and being someone’s unpaid therapist on repeat.. especially when nothing ever changes. you didnt abandon them, you just stopped setting yourself on fire to keep them warm. that’s not cruelty thats survival. they’ll either get it or they wont
**(NTA)**
NTA. Can you try saying, I only have a few minutes? Or starting with, ” are you wanting me to just listen, or are you looking for advice/solutions “. That might help them and you?
This took me a long time to master. But once* you do it’s an invaluable tool. And a time saver.
NTA.
I’m not sure how many times your friend has done this or how often, but it sounds like you were being used by them. People have no obligation to follow advice given to them, however it seems your friend is asking for advice just to go against it. You can only help people that want to be helped.
If someone gets offended when you set reasonable boundaries, they are merely upset they cannot use you anymore. To people like this, your self respect is their biggest enemy. You’re not responsible for them at the cost of your wellbeing. NTA
OP more Info please: can you give more context as to 1. What are the problems? 2. What advice was given? 3. What does constantly mean?
NTA but I’m certainly curious about the details here. Is this typical behavior for your friend or are they in a relatively new heightened state of stress for some reason? Is the issue minor in your eyes or self-inflicted, or is it a genuine, life-changing kind of problem they are facing? You refer to how they never change anything, so presumably you see this as a situation that is at least somewhat in their control. Did you spend a few conversations not offering advice but simply letting them vent, with the occasional “Ugh..”. “Right…”, “I see…”, “I’m so sorry to hear that.” ?
Again, I’m mostly curious because your write-up is really brief and I can see a version of this where you are the AH but based on the limited info, you aren’t.
NTA
You said so yourself you’re their friend, not their therapist, but I don’t think they see it that way.