AITA for not wanting my brother to drive my car while intoxicated?

I 24(f) recently got into a disagreement with my brother 36(m) for driving my car without my permission. For reference, we both live with our parents. I had a job interview that day (and another the next day) so I was sitting in the living room after getting ready for bed early. My brother came in and asked if my dad was awake. My brother said he wanted to move something into his car for work and needed help. Since my dad was already asleep, he said that he would ask his girlfriend. He was obviously drunk but we said "okay" and he left. He said nothing about moving cars.

Then I hear a car start in the driveway. I look out and it’s *my* car that is pulling out of the driveway. My keys were hung up by the door. My brother has issues with substance abuse and has three DUIs so this concerned me. He parked my car up at the street (a miracle because it’s steep and you have to pass through the two other cars parked at the top to get out) and comes back down to move my parents’ car. I went into my dad and told him what’s happening. I was worried about what my brother would do because he can be very volatile when intoxicated.

Then I go outside and ask him to give me my keys and he resists so I say it again and he relents. I go up to my car and pull it back down to where it was parked and lock it. I thought maybe this would put an end to things. He had *hours* to ask us to move the cars (which we do all the time). I thought that it was inconsiderate to wait until everyone was going to bed and even worse to take the car without saying anything and while drunk.

I tell him that he needs to grow up because he’s being irresponsible and that he shouldn’t have taken my car while he’s drunk. He says that he was "trying to actually be considerate because he didn’t want to bother me or have me put on shoes etc." and that I “have something wrong with my head.” I say that I don’t care what his reasoning was and I go to my room with my keys and lock the door. My mom panics and asks me to move my car because she’s afraid he’ll do something to it and I refuse. I hear him yelling with both my parents. I stay in my room and have a panic attack because I’m so anxious and couldn’t get to sleep until 5:30. I ended up rescheduling my job interview because of my mental state.

I feel bad for involving my parents and making things worse. AITA? My parents seem to have moved on and yesterday he asked my dad if we could move our cars again (I don’t think he’s speaking to me). Now I’m keeping my keys in my room so it can’t happen again. I want to move on but he has a track record of calling me names and selling my belongings so this wasn’t entirely out of the blue. We’ve never had a good relationship but how do I maintain boundaries and keep my sanity? I plan to move out as soon as I am financially able but did I really mess up here?

11 thoughts on “AITA for not wanting my brother to drive my car while intoxicated?”
  1. NTA

    Don’t leave your keys where he can get to them.

    Why is a 36 year old man living with his parents? Let me guess…alcoholic. Classic description. He’s negatively impacting others with his alcoholic behavior.

    I’d get out of that situation quickly if you can. But for now, keep the keys in your possession at all times.

  2. NTA,

    i even would call police on him if he take my car while been drunk. If he has accident, insurance will not pay because he was drunk, if he damages someone else, insurance will not protect you from liability. If he kills someone. No fuck, tell him this clearly.

    1. It doesn’t seem fake to me. I’ve been through very similar, nearly identical situations with my alcoholic older brother.

      1. Cmon man, she’s not sure if she’s the AH for not wanting her Brother to take her car when he was drunk? Use some simple common sense…

        1. When you are in that situation, and your parents don’t want to deal with it, and they don’t want you to stir the pot because they don’t want to acknowledge how big the problem is, it makes you question yourself. The people around you make you feel like you are over reacting and you are the problem. They say to just leave him alone. Let him do what he wants. Don’t make such a big deal out of it. And you start to wonder if they’re right.

        2. She’s 24 and probably has been gaslighted by her older brother for as long as he’s been an alcoholic. Shes probably also seen/experienced her parents be gaslit and potentially even gaslighting her as well. Enablers do that.

  3. Honestly I recommend putting a great lock on your door. Not one of the flimsy ones that you can pry with a butter knife or something.

  4. You are obviously NTA. Your parents and brother seem dysfunctional. Your best bet is move out and let parents continue enabling your brother. Forget about money get a roommate and go. You already are losing money by missing interview.

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