ETA again lol: I don’t actually think I’m part of the wedding. I more meant that I’m playing a big part in her wedding day. Even if I were not doing her makeup, I would still want my partner there as my plus one. It’s really not that relevant but when she asked if I’d do her makeup, it was more or less phrased like she would even be willing to pay me a bit. And bc it’s really no sweat off my back I offered to do it for free bc she’s younger than me and I’m sure on a budget. But it was never a professional type of situation like a lot of you are making it out to be. I’m not a random photographer or person only invited bc I’m “working”. We aren’t close, but we aren’t super distant. It just stung a little that I wasn’t included a plus one, especially bc my gf and I were excited to celebrate a lesbian couple as lesbians. I have anxiety about all the family I’m going to be seeing who I no longer associate with and now know I’ll be spending the evening small talking and feeling anxious instead of having fun and celebrating love with my partner. I’m fully aware it’s not about me personally. I was just annoyed af when I posted this.
ETA: I accept that the majority of you think I’m the asshole. I haven’t said anything to her about not doing her makeup and still planned on doing it, I just don’t *want* to. I have never been to a wedding where I wasn’t allowed a plus one, and honestly feel like it’s tacky, but I see the other side of the coin as well. I’ll more than likely do her makeup and leave the wedding pretty early. Thanks for the input.
My (F28) cousin (F23) is getting married in May. She asked me to do her makeup for her wedding. I’m not a professional MUA, but I’ve done makeup for special events for people I know for years. I will be doing a trial run and then again the day of. She asked me what I would charge and I offered to do it for free bc she’s family and I wanted to be nice. However, I just did the rsvp and there was no option for a plus one. I have a live in, serious girlfriend and feel like I should be able to attend the wedding with her as my date. I texted my cousin asking about it and she said they’re at full capacity. I understand not allowing a plus one for everyone if it’s not in the budget, but as someone who is part of the wedding bc I’m doing her makeup, I feel like it would have been courteous to allow me a plus one. It is her big day, we aren’t close at all though and I don’t even care to attend a wedding without my girlfriend. Thoughts? AITA?
YTA she was happy to pay you told her you’d do it for free. Now you are acting as if doing a favour for her (one she didn’t ask you for) entitles you to anything
Good point… a gift is a gift. It’s very bad luck to take back a gift to a bride.
YTA cause they did offer to pay you for your services.
Now, if you think this is just veiled bigotry, eff them.
YTA
You’re not part of the wedding because you’re doing makeup any more than the photographer is part of the wedding because they’re taking photos, or the caterers are because they’re making food.
The wedding party is part of the wedding, and that is about it.
She offered to pay you, and you declined. You can’t then turn around and make demands about it. Particularly because you even said, you are not at all close.
I’m not sure that’s a completely fair analogy, since the photographer and caterer are paid, third-party professionals with no other connection to the couple. OP is a family member who is an invited guest doing cousin a favor. That said, if the plus one was that important, OP probably should’ve clarified with cousin that she had one before agreeing to do the makeup (or agreeing to do it for free). I do think it’s mildly crappy of the cousin not to have planned on a plus one for OP, given the favor, but since OP has already said yes, I agree she has to suck it up at this point.
I’d agree with you if the bride hadn’t started off offering to pay. OP said ‘no I’d rather treat this engagement as a family favor’. Which is great and super nice, but today doesn’t imply an obligation from the bride to OP the other direction!
YTA because you already agreed to do it. You don’t have to stay for the wedding if you don’t want to, but you made a commitment to do her makeup.
YTA – You said it yourself, you’re not close. If they’re at capacity you have to accept that “my cousins long term live in girlfriend” gets the axe before a lot of other people, make up or not.
It’s a family affair. You’ll know folks. It’s not like you’ll be alone. Yta.
Sorry to break it to you but you’re not part of the wedding party, you’re providing a service. Will the photographer get a +1? I highly doubt it. I think you’re imagining you’re closer than you are.
There’s so many factors here you haven’t discussed. Do other people get +ones? How big is the wedding? If it’s a 200 person Wedding and her third cousin is getting to bring their boyfriend and you can’t bring your girlfriend that’s a different story from a 50 person wedding with just close family and friends. Does your cousin even know your partner? It has a lot to do with the relationship relationships involved that you’re not mentioning.
I think the key thing here is that your cousin offered to pay you and you declined and decided to make this your gift.
NAH you are a distant relative and it’s not uncommon when spaces are limited to not provide plus ones for more distant relatives who aren’t married. The fact you were going to do the makeup isn’t relevant because you were offered payment that you declined. This wasn’t a favor they would be expected to reciprocate, instead of a gift you were going to do the brides makeup which was probably of equivalent value to a gift. Your cousin isn’t an A H for not giving you a plus one. On the same note, you are in a committed relationship and if you don’t want to attend without your partner that’s your choice and your not the A H for that decision provided you are polite in declining the invitation.
You say you are part of the wedding but you really aren’t. They offered to pay you to provide a service, just because you declined payment and decided to provide it as a gift doesn’t elevate the relationship. As you say you aren’t close. This isn’t offensive but if it makes you uncomfortable attending you don’t have to. Just politely decline.
I think YTA. She asked for service from you, was even willing to pay, you agreed to do so. You’re saying you’re not even that close so I don’t see why being entitled to +1. Wedding is an expensive thing and if you had to establish +1 of every third or fourth cousin etc., you should be damn rich. I would say it’s weird if you were close, but not like this.
Given your cousin is ALSO gay (so this isn’t homophobia) YTA it’s a family wedding so it’s not like you don’t know anyone else there. “No ring no bring” is a common (if outdated) way of determining which guests bring bring a plus 1.
I myself have attended family weddings alone due to this rule even though I’d been with my partner for longer than the bride and groom have known eachother.
For smaller weddings sometimes even spouses aren’t invited if the couple don’t know them and the invited knows other guests at the wedding. Plus 1s can be a pain if you’re having fewer than like 40 guests.