Sorry for any mistakes, long time lurker, first time poster.
I, 21 F, from Rural, Texas am jobless (not for lack of trying, mind you) and live with my parents. First off, I am known to be forgetful. I am known to go off in my own little world and zone out for a bit, either on my phone or in a book, whatever. My stepfather, let’s call him… SD, is an Army vet. He expects everything to be done his way, on his time, and it seems, ever since the Dreaded Vid, he’s been getting worse and worse.
I do my best around here. I do the inside chores (with maybe a little push from the rents if I need it), I get eggs (we have chickens), heck, I even go down the hill to my Grandmother’s who happens to live a few feet from us to help her when she needs it. My point is, sure, I forget, sometimes I forget pretty important things, but I feel like, for even the slightest miss-step, I get my head chewed off for an hour. For a wrong choice of wording, I get lectured for an hour on how I need ‘more respect for others, yada yada yada’. For a cup left on the new dining room table, I get banned for ever using the table without their permission again. Just a bunch of references of how strict my stepfather can get. I have feared for my life during a couple of the lectures and screaming matches. The only respite I’ve seen is when we’re visiting with family, and even then, it’s snide comments.
Tonight was the tipping point, for both of us. I’m the only one who eats bread most of the time, since I’m banned from using the stove without one of my parents home (another one of my mistakes). When the last loaf got half-way, I put it on top of the bread box the way we normally do, intending to put one in the freezer in there once it thawed. I…never put the fresh bread loaf out to thaw. Never put one in the bread box. We had pork chops for dinner. SD had no bread for the side. SD…blew up. I’m talking full blown screaming at me about respect, calling me useless, dumb. I left to go outside to eat. I could hear him screaming at my mother. I could hear thumps. He drags me back inside (Not literally dragging me, mind you.) The frozen bread is on it’s side on the floor by the back door. The salt and pepper shaker set has been tossed by the guest bathroom. There’s cold water from his drink all over his oh so precious dining room table from him knocking over in his tantrum. And he refuses to even sit in silence in the same room as me.
So, Reddit, Am I the A-hole for not replacing the bread loaf?
**NTA**
Please understand that this is **NOT** about the bread. Your stepfather is being abusive. Screaming for an hour, throwing things, and making you “fear for your life” over a loaf of bread or a misplaced cup is a massive red flag. You aren’t “forgetful,” you are likely walking on eggshells in a traumatizing environment. Please reach out to your grandmother or a friend and find a way to get out of that house.
NTA. Sounds like your father may have some issues, and it doesn’t sound like you are malicious. However, living with your parents for free and forgetting chores often can be a bad look. I would recommend using phone reminders to not forget these things.
NTA. I know it’s not always an option but try to come up with a plan to move out, if you can, or at least have some money saved up for a worst case scenario. I know this wasn’t the point of the post but should be able to use the stove if you want at age 21…. shit happens but that’s how we learn.
no, he’s using a loaf of bread as an excuse to unload on you. nothing about that reaction is normal. start saving to get out, any job you can find, even with how awful jobs are rn
Your stepfather has serious anger issues. Find roommates to move in with the moment you get a job
This is ABUSE. For gosh sakes call 911 next time he goes off and tell the officers the vile crime you committed, record him if you can. I think he’ll get one f of a lecture, if not his ass kicked.
NTA this is not normal adult behavior on your stepdad’s part. Agree with another comment to try and start recording some of these outbursts, even if it’s only audio. I hope you are able to find work soon so you can GTFO of that awful environment. Would you be able to stay at your grandma’s house temporarily? I know it’s still close to your current house, but at least you wouldn’t be under the same roof with him.
I already asked, since I thought it would be easier on both me and her. He laughed at me and told me he wasn’t going to pass their burden (meaning me) onto someone else.
Wow. NTA. At all.
Omg shut up. Imagine faking this shit to get a small round of claps from a handful of disinterested people who don’t even really give a shit on the internet. So fucking pathetic.
Buddy, I can only wish I was faking. Your life may be all hunky dory, but others aren’t. Sounds like you’re the one who needs to grow up
Didn’t have bread as a side for his pork chops?
1- what a child.
2- what an uncultured slob
3- most importantly- what an abusive A H
Definitely NTA. Are you in a position to leave town altogether? Rural Texas… might not be the land of opportunities some people there think it is. Maybe going into a mid-sized town and looking for an opportunity?
Or you could try a city in a blue state, which are the areas that are the actual economic engines of this country outside of farming, but that might be too big of a leap all at once.
You might have been abused into believing you are not as capable as you really are. It’s time to bet on yourself ansd just leave. Be kind to yourself, and be strong.
Not yet. Don’t have a driver’s license. I know I need to get one fast, but something is keeping me from actually cracking down and studying for one. No, it’s not the rents